Emotions re-act 8 – Yes I do

A few days later, or something like that, I get a phone call I never, ever saw coming.

It was he and he asked me if I wanted to do Sunday brunch with him.

I had the biggest smile on my face ever and was so nervous I could barely talk.

It was definitely one of those ‘YES!!’ moments when you realize, whatever it is that you did, brought the results you were hoping for.

I somehow managed to control my emotions and give him another type of ‘yes’, as in ‘I would love to go with you.’

The next sequence of events got lost in my mind. I slightly remember his car having a dark color outside and light inside.

Knowing how I was back then, I probably didn’t speak much during the car ride as to not say anything stupid.

I was also sort of shy and avoided looking at him at all times. It was also a surreal day that just couldn’t believe was actually happening.

What I do remember is that he was wearing white cargo pants with zippers on the knee area that would convert to bermudas if you took the bottom half off.

And, again, he looked mighty good on them. (Correction: whatever I said about being shy just ‘went out the window’, literally.)

Well, hey, if you’re in a small, confirmed space next to someone like him, you are going to stare at a lot more than just his face.

Don’t you agree?

Emotions re-act 7 – Still frames

After lunch it was time to shoot the scenes in which we appeared together.

By this time we had already been introduced, but because there was no dialogue in the commercial, the communication between us was very limited.

There was one scene where he was sitting at the bar and all you could see from me was my hand coming from his back, moving upward until it reached his shoulder.

When I was told what I had to do, all that crossed my mind was, ‘I have to touch him?’ (aaaaahhhhhh!!!!)

While the camera was being set, I stared at him and was a nervous wreck. He was so relaxed, so in control of everything. I wondered, could he feel my vibe?

When I finally placed my hand on his shoulder, it was a feeling I can’t explain. It was something like the Earth stood still for a moment and all these fireworks exploded inside of me.

I switched my attention to my nails. My mother had expressed that they looked sort of trashy. Great! Now he’s going to think the same.

I also took a look at the suit he was wearing. It looked mighty good on him (more fireworks).

Later there was another scene together and both were shot as many times as needed until gotten right.

The shooting took us late into the night and I was fine with that because it meant I spent more time with him.

But, all good things come to an end. I think before he left, I built enough courage to give him my phone number. If I did, it was the most self-confident moment of my life so far.

By the time I finally got home, I was excited and sad. I had the moment of my lifetime and it was all over.

Can I get more of them, please?

Emotions re-act 6 – Table with a life view

The next memory of the day was taking a break for lunch.

We all left the bar to another location and I remember that I sat on a table somewhat far from him. I had a direct view of him and I kept staring at him at all times. It was as if I was looking at something larger than life.

I have no recollection if there had been any exchange of words yet. I didn’t even have the courage to approach him either.

There he was in his own world and me on the other side keeping a distance because I probably thought that was the right thing to do. I was not up to his level and that’s how it was to remain.

Besides, what did I have that could have impressed him? From where I was sitting, his life was just perfect. Mine was just a big question mark.

I kept looking wondering why I couldn’t be like him, someone who just knew what he wanted and how it was to be accomplished.

He embodied everything I wasn’t and I had no idea how to turn it around and make it happen for myself.

In other words, how am I making it to the other side if I’m stuck where I am right now?

Emotions re-act 5 – Time to act

I don’t remember when he finally arrived, but I believe I was standing on a doorframe that was to be used as ‘the entrance’ to the bar.

I believe, when I first saw him that my so-called ‘relaxed mode’ quickly disappeared.

‘Damn, he’s cute! He looks so much better in real life than on TV.’

I think I held tight to the frame to contain my nervousness. I have forgotten how and when we were introduced.

The order of events during the shooting is unclear as well. After all was in place, I went into make-up and dressing up.

The first shot of me was at the door with a lot of smoke and a lamp shinning straight at my back.

I do remember not being able to breath and sweat going down my spine. What is this scene supposed to mean, that ‘I’m smoking hot?’

The next one was of my legs walking forward. I don’t know how many times I walked, but the floor had been cleaned and waxed, and I was wearing new shoes. I was in a panic that I would fall down and this guy would see me.

That would have been the end of my life as a whole.

But, where was he in all this? I believe ‘m.i.a.’ I’m not even sure if we had any exchange of words during that first part of the shooting.

But having all that attention on me was great. How many times have I gotten that in life?

Emotions re-act 4 – Getting the call

I don’t remember how many days went by, but I did get the call that I got it. How I reacted to it is all a blur, but I think I was as happy as when I got accepted to college.

In other words, this was probably one of those few extraordinary moments in my life so far.

I do remember that I was asked to get my nails done (which ended being fake because I used to bite them), and get a pair of black high heel shoes. Someone also accompanied me from the production to find an outfit.

Wait; got the outfit, then the shoes and nails (all paid for).

The next memory I have was at the day of the shooting. The location was at a bar and the storyline was the actor was to be sitting down, I would ‘make my entrance’ (a.k.a., dancing at the door), would walk up to him, do a pass at him, walk-away, he would go after me, and I would grab his tie and pull him close to me. End of story.

Aaaah…first of all, I was underage, meaning I wasn’t old enough to be at a bar, and even less to be picking up a guy. (I still don’t know how to quite do that nowadays.)

After all was explained to me, I needed to get ready and then shoot my scenes. I started feeling good, and that helped me relax and focus on what I needed to do.

So, when was this guy scheduled to arrive? How was I going to react when I finally saw him?

Emotions re-act 3 – Making the call

I don’t know how the casting process occurred, but it came down to another person and me.

The agency told me to wear dance clothes as they were looking for someone who could do that.

Me? Dance? Well, I certainly do that every Friday night in school at whatever party is happening on campus.

Why didn’t they found out if I could do that or not beforehand? And I’m still puzzled as to how the heck I’ve gotten so far in all this.

On the day of the final casting I got to see the other person. She was a real dancer, meaning tall, slim and with an amazing body. In essence, a beautiful woman.

I looked at her convinced this was not happening at all. There I was, this short, girly person whose body and weight I was struggling with to get it where I thought then should had been.

Even worse, I didn’t even take heels with me. If I had one pair on my closet, that was a lot. I basically had no fashion sense other than what was needed to survive in college.

This woman did have her dancing shoes and she looked amazing. She represented what I thought a woman should be or aspire to.

The agency asked us to do some walking and basic dance steps, and I did the best ‘catwalk’ I could do.

I don’t remember much after that except that they asked her what her height was without her shoes. It seemed that this was going to be a problem with the lead actor as she was taller, or close to be, than him.

Before I knew it, the casting was over. All left to do now was to go home and wait for an answer.

Emotions re-act 2 – Wishful thinking

This is how it all happened.

It was one of my summer college breaks and I was trying to do some modeling to earn some money for the school year.

I got a call from a casting agency that they were looking for a female to appear in a TV commercial for a men’s European clothing store. The lead role was to be played by him, this guy, an actor.

I couldn’t believe it when I heard it on the phone. He was already established in his career and was well known by everyone.

One particular characteristic about him was that although he was popular, he was always accessible to the public.

Even more, he had never been involved in a regrettable situation, and was responsible for his work as anyone else in any other profession.

A few days before I was to appear in the casting, I was watching TV and came across a soap he was appearing at.

‘He seems like a really nice guy,’ I thought to myself. ‘I wish I had the chance to meet him.’

Reality was, I had never met anyone famous so far, and, what were the odds that I would be picked for the commercial?

Among all the possible choices that the agency had, what was it about me that made them consider me for the role?

This guy looked totally sure of himself, knew where he was going with his career and how to get there.

Me, I hadn’t even graduated and had no idea what to do with my life as a whole, period.

My insecurities went into overdrive. ‘There is no way I will get cast for this, even less with him,’ I thought.

Just like the soap I was watching, my life was definitely like it, totally dramatic.

Emotions re-act – What am I searching for?

Just when I thought all the possible reconnections with guys from the past had occurred, life threw me an unexpected situation.

I was searching something on the Internet related to my hometown and at the end of the article there were links for other related topics.

One of those was of public figures in a variety of fields like politics, the arts, entertainment, media and so on.

Then, out of nowhere, a guy came to mind, and a whole lot of memories.

I clicked on one of the links and, sure enough, there he was. It was not a very extent biography, but I did remember some of the things he had done that were mentioned on it.

Wow, couldn’t believe all he had accomplished, but at the same time, didn’t surprise me either.

I then went a little bit further and searched for him more. I got many hits and started scrolling down the page when a piece of news stopped me cold.

‘After more than 20 years of marriage, the couple got divorced.’

I just couldn’t believe what I was reading. How long ago did this happen? Has it been that many years since I first met him?

I kept reading and got even more surprised when I learned that he is living on the same city as I am and had a profile on the social network.

This feels so surreal! I have to contact him. But wait; will he remember me?

I mean, my lack of memory with the last guys who have contacted me has been embarrassing, and the same could happen here.

How is it possible that I do remember him and not others? Why is that?

Another Cougar Moment – Sorry, I’m not available at this time

I kept on with my day and sometime late in the afternoon, like around 5pm, I text Jesse back.

‘Hey sorry, still not all done. You must be gone by now. (translation: hopefully you’re far away)

‘Leaving tomorrow.’ (oh, my) Next translation: I still need to be unavailable.

Reality was, I had spent part of the day with a girlfriend and was having a good time. It was a Sunday and was trying to make the best of the weekend before it was all over.

But I also like to get home at a descent time and get ready for work the next day. And when I get on that mode, I’m not really into having people around or even getting late to bed.

It was funny though that after a few more messages, Jesse asked, ‘Are you with a guy?’

Damn, I wish. Yes, I was with someone else, but of another kind. It was like he sensed I was not entirely alone.

I don’t know where Jesse was or what he was doing, but after some more questions from his behalf, I simply replied, ‘It’s complicated.’

I didn’t answer his question either or. It all meant I’m still a control freak, someone who has a schedule, for better or worse, to hopefully have her life organized.

Is there some space for someone new? At this present time, yes, I believe I do, especially one that’s not as complicated as this one.