The New M.E. Generation











{November 3, 2008}   Costume Change 15 – I’m not yet ready for it

I found Dina and Melanie and they’re talking to two guys. They asked me about Edward and I told them he had gone home. The three of us decided to wait some more before finally leaving.

We finally decided to leave some time later, and as we started to walk out the venue, I noticed that the guys Dina and Melanie were talking to are accompanying them.

Well, this definitely sucks!

We all approached Melanie’s car, and before we aboard it, she wonders if we can all fit in it. “Hey, the more the merrier,” I said. I sat next to the door and looked out the window; I’m the only one here with no guy next to me and I feel like an idiot.

When I got back to my apartment, I sat down on the rug at the entrance of my room. I’m still wearing my costume.

It’s past 1am and I’m in desperate need to talk to somebody, but it’s too late to do so. All I was able to do was stare at the ceiling and cry. I was so miserable.

I’m mad at Edward, my life and everything else in between. I don’t remember for how long I sat there.

Some time later I changed my clothes and watched some TV before going to bed. I needed to figure out what to make of this night.

I couldn’t pay much attention to what I was watching, but at around 2am I finally concluded what’s going on with me: I’m not ready yet to get close with anybody or for a relationship. As hard as it sounded to tell myself this, I had to accept that this is my reality.

So what am I supposed to do now? For starters, I need to keep going out and enjoying myself, but without stressing over if I meet a guy or not. Maybe if I just let go of this issue I might actually end up meeting someone. All right, I’ll give it a try.

And what about Edward? I’ll take care of that tomorrow. It has been too much of a freaky night, and early morning, for me already.

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