The New M.E. Generation











{September 17, 2009}   The Week That Was 7 – Give and you shall receive

I’m really, really freaking out about this whole thing. And what am I going to do about it? Easy, I’m calling one of my boys, Mark or George.

If I call George, he’ll probably get somewhat upset with me at first, followed by a lecture of how men’s minds work, with the hope of scaring me straight. But he will come around further in the conversation to expressing words of wisdom such as, “you have to go with your gut feelings and make the choice that you believe will make you happy. Whatever the results turn out to be afterwards, you will have to pick that up, learn from it and move on with your life, just like you’ve been doing so far.”

If I call Mark, he’ll probably approach this with a line like, “finally, you’re getting laid!” Meaning, he will see this whole situation from this point of view and not mine. I will freak out completely and will end up not going for it. So either way it’s a no-win situation.

But Mark, besides his ‘over the top’ remarks and outlook at life (and the ‘s’ word), he manages to spin it around and dish out the other side of things that at many times I don’t see because I’m overwhelmed (or want to be), making me see situations for what they really are, and help me make more than ‘the right decision,’ but ‘the real one.’

Mark it is.

“Emma, chill out. When was the last time you had a guy showing such an interest in you? It’s obvious he wants to hit the sack with you, but it sounds to me that’s not on the top of his list of activities.”

Besides doing water skiing, he’s going to test the water and ‘dip in’ when the temperature is just right.”

“Meaning?” I asked.

“That he’s not going to end up sleeping in your sofa. You already invited him to stay over and he’s going to find a way to share the bed with you.”

There’s total silence from my end of the line.

“Oh c’mon, be real with me. You’re allowing him to do it because you want it to happen. (Still more silence.) You are your own worst enemy if you can’t admit it to yourself that you have a curiosity to be intimate with him.”

(Even more silence.) Hello, anybody there? OK, when was the last time you had any activity in your bed?”

“Do I have to answer that?” asked I.

“You’re alive! And, no, you don’t ‘cause you know and I know the answer. Emma, seriously, what’s really going on in that mind of yours?”

I took a deep breath and waited a few seconds to answer. I felt like crying, but I didn’t want Mark to notice it.

“I’m afraid of getting hurt.”

“Hey, don’t you think you deserve to at least give yourself this chance? I think you do more than anything.”

Tears started coming down from my eyes and he managed to realize it.

“Emma, listen, I may joke with you and maybe push your buttons too much at times, but you know I care about you. I want you to go after things like you used to without being afraid. That girl I knew from college is still there inside of you, and all it needs for her is to come out again. (I started crying.) You don’t know how much I miss that part of you. Let it out again and just be yourself.”

Yeah, me too. I miss that girl very much. Will I ever find her again?

It’s all up to m.e.



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