The New M.E. Generation











{December 15, 2009}   The Accidental Cougar 7 – Our own life’s designer

I called Jeffrey’s number and, to my surprise, he answered almost immediately. Not that much time had elapsed between his call and mine, so it was expected that he would recognize my number.

“Hey, Jeff, how are you? So nice of you to call.”

“Yeah, like I said, I was on your ‘hood, on business actually, and remembered you lived here, so I decided to call.”

“Oh, and what kind of work do you do that takes you into the nighttime?”

“I have my own line of men’s clothes.”

“Wow, you’re a designer!”

“I’m trying to. For now I’m concentrated on custom-made shirts designed with different styles.”

“Sounds to me that you’re well on your way. Would love to see your work.”

“Well, I’m working on my website, so hopefully you should be able to do so soon.”

I was curious to get ‘the real deal’ on his marital status so I finally asked him about it.

“So, hmm, what’s going on with you?”

“What do you mean?”

“Your friend at the bar said you were in a ‘complicated relationship,’ which means?”

“I’m married.”

“Whoa! But you’re so young. How long have you been?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

Jeff’s tone of voice quickly shifted from nice to somewhat upset. I had touched a nerve that obviously hurt very badly.

“Listen, I don’t know the details of your relationship. But I will say this: I invested 15 years of my life to one guy who, at the end of the day, left me because ‘he was unhappy.’

If the two of you are having problems, but still want to make it work, by all means go for it. I’m going through a divorce and it’s totally miserable.

But if things are so bad, it’s better to end it, and not let 15 years go by to restart your life. Do it while you’re still young.”

I was lecturing this guy and felt like crap. I felt old and that my life was headed towards a dead end.

Jeffrey was still sounding bad over the phone so the only remaining thing to say to him was to offer myself as a ‘sympathetic ear’ wherever he needed to talk to someone.

Now listen to myself! My husband dumped me, I’m fresh into a divorce process and I’m giving relationship advice? Who am I kidding? (Myself.)

The conversation ended in a sort of sour note and I was more concentrated on how depressed and lousy I felt than of wondering if any communication between Jeffrey and me had any remote chance of occurring again.

Has this ‘cougar moment’ come to an end?

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