The New M.E. Generation











{June 22, 2010}   Putting Yourself Online 17 – Holding On

I did not get to talk to Ivan one last time via phone, but in person. I don’t remember how it came about, but he came over to visit me.

He was resting on the sofa, looking more tired than I could remember. I even sensed some sadness in him.

“Is everything all right?” asked I somewhat concerned while holding his hand. It felt nice doing that. It’s like having forgotten how it felt.

“Just tired. Too much work,” said he while staring at me.

“Are you having problems or something? You can tell me.”

“We all have problems.”

“I know. But it helps to talk about things. It sure did for me when my whole mess started.” I kept holding his hand, hoping that, somehow, he would finally open up to me.

“Did I ever told you I was married once?,” said he.

“No! For how long?”

“Two years.”

I was totally surprised that he finally opened up, somewhat.

I finally realized the source of his sadness in his eyes. Obviously the relationship had gone wrong in such a way that he just wanted not to think about it. Sounds familiar?

I kept talking to him and holding his hand. But as much as I tried for him to open up more, he simply didn’t.

I think he is where I was some time back. You were hurt so bad you avoid that happening to you again by simply not opening your heart to anyone else.

You achieve that, not feeling anything for someone else or getting hurt. But you also achieve in turning people away, even when they want to love you (like me).

I couldn’t avoid feeling heartbroken. I was hoping something good would have come out of this. I couldn’t forget the night we met, when we kissed, when we held our hands while walking.

All I could do was to hold on to that memory.

Hold on to the wish that one day I will finally find love again, and hold it in my hands to never let go of it for good.

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