The New M.E. Generation











{June 24, 2010}   Putting Yourself Online 19 – Logging out

I don’t know how long had passed when I remembered about Ivan and his trip. I think I did about a month or so after he told me he intended to travel.

To be honest, I had forgotten about him all together when, one day, he came to mind.

What made me remember him is still a mystery. I had been quite busy with my life, was in the middle of something and (‘ding!’), there he was.

I stopped what I was doing and thought about him. But I wasn’t feeling much other than that I hoped he made the trip and had fun. That’s it.

It hadn’t been that long since I last saw him, but it felt eternal. It was like a blur, like someone who I met a long time ago and had no idea presently of their whereabouts.

The memory of them is sparked by some association or by ‘divine intervention,’ or no explanation of how the recall came to occur. And when you remember them you ask yourself, ‘whatever happened to that person?’

I thought about texting Ivan, but decided not to. He didn’t call me before or after his trip, so I felt there was no worth reason to do so.

After this ‘short-term memory,’ I forgot about Ivan all together until a long weekend came around. I did not have much of a plan and he came again into my mind. (Wonder if he finally got a few days off?)

I texted him. ‘Hey, you’re around this weekend?’

‘Yes, but I have friends visiting,’ answered he, some time later, as usual.

‘Have fun. Take care.’ (Another waste of my time.)

And that was it (one more time). I never contacted him again and, you know what? I’m fine with it. Actually, I feel pretty good.

Come to think about it, he’s probably the first guy that didn’t shake my existence out of whack.

Sad part is that Ivan had someone who was willing to love him endlessly, more than any girl that he contacts online hands down. I bet you anything on that.

But, he chose not to be with me. No, he chose not to give himself that chance to feel loved.

Unfortunately, it’s his loss, not mine.

Logging out.

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