The New M.E. Generation











{October 21, 2010}   Friendship Above All 22 – The question of ‘why’

The next morning Alex woke up and had a face he had not rested that well. He didn’t mention anything from the night before. We just stayed in bed for a while and talked about pretty much anything else.

We had breakfast afterwards, and later went out to enjoy the day. Again, nothing from what happened was discussed.

When it started to get late in the afternoon, I thought it was time for me to go home. I didn’t know if Alex was going to ask me to stay again with him for the night (probably not).

He accompanied me home separately in his vehicle. After I parked, I went over to his and asked him if he wanted to come up home.

I noticed his face was again like that of his pictures I saw on the dating site. He wasn’t that much smiling. It was a combination between sadness, frustration and lost as in that he knew it would never happen (us being together).

He agreed to come up (don’t know why). He sat on my sofa with a very serious face. I started getting very nervous, so I asked him what was wrong. He then dropped the bomb, yet again. But, I think this one was bigger than the first one (“I will only go to the trip as your boyfriend.”).

“Why are you with me?” asked he.

“What??? Why are you asking me this?” (Yeah, why am I with him?)

“Well, we have different feelings towards each other and you don’t want to take this a step further.” (Now I’m the one the problem, right.)

“I told you when we first started communicating that I was not doing this for the fun of it or play games with others. I may don’t feel the same way that you do, but I’m not going to get into a situation that is not what I want. It’s unfair to you and especially myself.”

“I think you are with me because you don’t want to be alone.”

Now I was starting to get upset. “Listen, I’ve been alone for a long time, even before my ‘x’ left me. And, that’s kind of rude of you to say when you have your kids and some family here. I don’t have anybody close except my girlfriends.”

“You still haven’t answered my question.”

“You know what? I don’t have an answer for you. But I will prove it to you that I’m not with you because I’m alone. How? I will step out of your life.”

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