The New M.E. Generation

{February 8, 2011}   Something About Me 7 – Having it all

I did get a reply a couple of days later. When I saw it I got very happy and anxious of learning what he had written.

I was as basic as mine. He was married with a child, had his own business, and was still living in his home state. And he was happy that I remembered him.

Wow, he had everything anyone could wish for. Well, for me. I had some of that (minus the child) and thought at one time I had it all. I did, or did I? The fact now is that what I thought were the most important things in my life was all gone.

At least I felt gladness over the email. Maybe I felt some consolation that one day I could ‘have it all’ again. Now it was time to really say the reasons behind my email.

“The reason why I wanted to contact you was because I came to realize that for the longest time that I was not exactly nice to you when we were seeing each other in college. You were such a good guy and didn’t know how to deal with it and I’m sorry. I wasn’t exactly nice and I wish I could have treated you better. I am glad that you are doing well. You deserve that and so much more. Your wife is truly a lucky person to have you.”

My email wasn’t exactly that short. I had sort of an insane need to really make clear to him what has been looming over my soul that had created this pain. It was like trying to delete a double personality or something. Whatever it was, it was an episode in my life I want to put to rest.

But, why the insistence about this? I mean, it was such a brief situation in college that had such a profound impact on me. Why was I so worried about how my actions affected him back then or in the long run? For all I knew, it probably didn’t.

Whatever my reason was, I felt a huge weight had lifted from me when I finished writing. But deep down inside my pain was still there. I wish I could go back in time and make it right just in that time.

I know that I’m not that person any more. Maybe I’ve kept that emotion alive to remind myself now that when that guy I’ve been waiting for comes into my life, I won’t blow it again. Maybe then my pain will be lifted completely.


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