The New M.E. Generation











{April 26, 2011}   Something About Me 15 – Lost and found

Thank goodness for networking sites, and that he had a name that was not an average one. I did a quick search and, there he was!

I was sure he was to remember me, so I sent him a message, which basically summarized my life in the last few years and our last encounter at the deli so many years ago.

I got a response the next day and kept corresponding the following ones. When we got to the specific of that day, his revelations were quite moving to me.

“I was very happy to see you,” said he, “but when I walked over to meet your ‘x’, it just didn’t feel good.

He gave me a vibe that he thought he was better than others. He didn’t like meeting me; his face said it all. That’s why I didn’t sit down at the table, as he was unwelcoming.

Even more, he completely overshadowed you, and didn’t want you to be your true self.

He didn’t even seem to be ‘real’, more like shallow or perhaps ‘empty’. His eyes didn’t show any life or substance.

I’m sad to hear what happened to you. But I think you are better off having him out of your life.

Seems to me that you have made great strides in your recovery and if there’s still any part of you from those years I used to know you for, I am sure you will come through as yourself again.”

As I was reading this, I only wanted to cry, big time. As I have reconnected with more and more people, especially guys, I could not believe how accurate they were all of ‘that guy.’

Yes, I wanted to cry, not because of the truth, but because it was right there before me throughout so many years and I let it happen.

I let him mistreat me and control me with the same result; he left me anyway.

How did I allow it? Why wasn’t I seeing it? Maybe so much negative occurred that I shut down or blocked it. Maybe I was still hoping some day things would have gotten better, or maybe change. Maybe I was holding on to the impossible.

The problem was he didn’t want to change. Instead, he placed the blame on other people or things so he didn’t have to look at himself, and accept he was the cause of the rupture on the relationship.

That’s why he left so easily, and all occurred the way they did.

I sat there and cried for a while regretting all the wasted years and how much more I hated him every day that passed.

I have no good words for him and wish him the worst in the world.

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