The New M.E. Generation











{August 4, 2014}   Looking Back 36 – Seconds anyone?

We got to the restaurant and got seated right away. I suggested a medium pizza, but he insisted on ordering a large. I used the excuse of me watching my weight. But it really was that I didn’t want to come across as wanting to take advantage of him, in spite I knew he could afford to buy me more than just one big pie.

While we waited to be served, the conversation continued covering many trivial past things. I don’t recall how it happened, but the situation about the failed meeting the year before surfaced.

“You know, regarding what happened last year…”

I knew which way he wanted to go with this incident and that he was to get the last word, just like all he does, and I wasn’t allowing it.

“You called me that Saturday at 4pm and the plans I had for that day were still ongoing. What did you expected, that I was going to alter them?” said I in a somewhat upsetting tone.

“I already had a room reserved for me to sleep at. You know I have my kids, but cleared the rest of the day to be with you,” answered he.

The rest of the day? Maybe the night was still open, but that weekend was all about me, not him.

He realized that my temper was not mellowing down and I was not going to give in, so he made a ‘time-out’ signal with his hands, which stopped the debate.

‘Good timing’, pizza’s here.

I calmed down after a few bites. He switched topics to that of his kids, which I’ve heard plenty of before. He showed me videos and photos of them, never short of reiterating how much he loved and was proud of them.

I always respect men who are like that, but the sad reality was that if I had a relationship with him, they were always going to be first, no matter their age. That’s what happened in my marriage and would have remained regardless if I have had them, and I don’t want any of that ever again.

The other issue is that he doesn’t want any more kids. He told me he got ‘fixed’, so that’s it with that. I know my time to have them naturally has expired. But what if I wanted to have one in the future, like with an adoption? With him the chances were basically zero to none.

He kept on talking about the kids and I kept myself ‘busy’ by chewing on the pizza. But most of what he said got diluted on my mind, to the point I don’t recall most of what he said.

Worst part is, I was starting to get sad. I have known for the longest time that nothing was ever to happen between us, not even a friendship or whatever could be defined, and that is good because I’ve given closure to that.

But it shows how much time and energy was wasted when I was a teenager. I know I was immature and didn’t know any better. Question is: How much have I really evolved these last years to what men relates to?

So, what else is this night going to serve me?

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