The New M.E. Generation











{April 4, 2016}   The Ex-Friend 29 – The blame game

There was another occasion that I went back to visit him. I believe he was still without a job offer, so I was taking any opportunity to visit him. I think it was a long weekend, so I was told at work we would be left off early, which that usually doesn’t happen, so I didn’t pack my bag on Thursday night. I was also feeling sort of sick, so I figured out of resting Friday night and leaving early Saturday morning would be best.

Turns out we were left off early at work around 1 pm, so I went home, had lunch, packed, and left late around 3pm. It was crazy doing that, especially considering it takes minimum 4 hours to get to the location. On top of that, I still didn’t had a smartphone, so I relied on printed map directions, which took me really far off track.

When I got to the house it was already dark and I was very hungry. He greeted me sort of cold (as in ‘why did you had lunch at home? I stop along the way and buy a coffee or something when I travel by car’; that was another comment he always made when doing road trips) and when he saw how overwhelmed I was with the trip, he decided to ‘lend’ me a GPS he had in his car.

“If you give it to me, how are you going to manage?” asked I.

“I’m now using the maps app on my mobile. I kept the device as a backup. But I prefer that you use it; a woman like you, driving all alone such distances, you need something more secure,” said he.

I appreciated his gesture, but was puzzled by it, considering how complicated he has been behaving with me. It made me remember the guy I used to know.

On Saturday morning, my then friend had plans to visit the elderly couple friend of his to which I declined again. His best friend appeared and saved the day by taking me out. We pretty much did the same as before of going to lunch and walking around a restaurant area for a drink. No flea market though.

Unfortunately, when this guy and his mom were driving back from the visit, the mom’s car broke down on the highway and had to be towed.

At no time did he call his friend or me to ask for help. When we all got back home, my then friend was beyond angry. His eyes seemed about to pop out of his face for the intensity of his feelings.

Worst part was he again vented his frustrations at me that I didn’t do anything for them, but didn’t confront his friend.

“We’re talking here about an old woman who is sick, needed her meds, and hadn’t eaten for hours. At least some food could have been brought back,” said he.

I didn’t say a word the whole evening. I just got into the room I was staying, closed the door and stayed there. I think he later came around to suggest for me buying her mom lunch the next day to make up for it.

He also had a drink in his hand, which was pretty loaded. He offered it to me several times to share; I took sips, but small ones because it was too strong for me. It felt like one of those that people take when you need to ‘cool off’ about something bad.

What I felt like was crying, but I didn’t show it. I put on a strong face like he has always done and that I learned from him.

The next day his friend joined us again, so we went to a bar where I bought a round of drinks for everyone to make up for the day before. On Sunday we met up with my friend’s father and wife for lunch, supposedly as an invitation from the dad, but my friend ended up putting money for the tip or something.

My friend has been on this ‘on and off’ relationship with his dad as long as I remembered. There was even a time that they didn’t speak for years because, according to my friend, the dad wouldn’t tell the truth about certain situations, or avoided giving answers about anything related to him.

My friend also complained that his dad was very stingy and always put himself first. For example, when the father sold his business to retire, he didn’t consult him if he would have been interested in running it. The dad gave each child a portion of the sale, and that was it.

My friend was trying to have the best relationship possible, but I could tell he was still holding anger towards him and wasn’t willing to let that emotion go. In other words, he had no intentions of forgiving him.

The next day I had breakfast and left as early as I could, especially after my overextended travel on Friday. I was putting the GPS to the test, but used the excuse of driving alone, to get home when there was still daylight, to get away from the unfortunate moments that had transcribed.

I also felt farther away from him than distance itself. I had now transitioned into a new stage in my life and wasn’t feeling I needed his advice so much. I was more confident about myself and didn’t want anything to jeopardize that.

I guess I’ll just let the GPS do more than just lead the way.

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