The New M.E. Generation

I don’t know for how long I conversed with the guy I knew from before. But all I can say is that I ended up having a great time at the event and immensely good about myself.

The guy had to leave, baby-sitting night, and expressed that he hoped we would meet again during next month’s event. (If you keep up with your praises, I’m in.)

I relocated Dina and her friends. “Dina, didn’t you see him standing in the bar?”



“For real?”


“So what happened? Did you went over and said hello to him?”

“Are you out of your mind? The guy I was with wouldn’t stop showering me with praises! I was not going to trade that for anything in the world.”

I recounted to Dina the ‘long distance’ encounter. She couldn’t stop laughing. “Well,” said she, “the important thing is that you are over him.”

“Totally,” I concluded.

The next day I called Madelyn. “Madelyn, you will never guess who I saw last night.”

“Ah…hmmm…let me think. Sounds like a conversation we had not so long ago. The only person that comes to mind is Ricky.”

“You are right.”

“Well, how about that?” said she in her usual poised manner.

I gave her the full scoop of the night.

“So how do you feel about what happened last night?” she asked.

“Liberating. That it was just what I needed to give final closure to this experience.”

“Good for you! I think so too.”

And like in many other conversations we’ve had before, we ended up talking about so many things, the Ricky topic quickly vanished into thin air, never to cross my mind again.

All I can say is that, after all this finally came to an end, I’ve cried, I’ve laughed, felt sorry for myself, regained part of my self-confidence, and many more.

The best part is that I’m still here, and that the affairs of the heart are getting better, slowly but surely.

And what about the artwork? It’s staying right where it is. Meaning, I’m not returning it.

This is how I look at it now: my life, like this piece of art, is a work in progress, that one day will simply become a masterpiece.

It didn’t took me that long to confirm that the person standing on the other side of the bar was indeed Ricky.

My face first reflected one of being surprised, but then quickly changed to one of having a smirk that read, ‘well, well, well; look what life brought back.’ It was a similar smirk like the one I used to have when I first met him. But now it was one of a more grown, mature, and smarter woman.

I looked away briefly while laughing inside to what was just happening. When I looked at him again, he happened to be looking at me as well.

I took a good, quick look at him. His clothes looked professional, but thought he could have done better than that, like more fitted. (Yeah, they looked somewhat big on him, like when you loose weight and instead of getting new clothes, you keep using the old ones.)

He also had a very serious face, like maybe things are not doing so well for him. How ironic, it was I before whose life wasn’t exactly running as I hoped for. Life may not be right now exactly where I wished it to be, but it’s certainly better.

Ricky waved his hand at me in a ‘hello’ manner. I waved back, still sporting my confident smile. He didn’t come to where I was, me neither. Had no plans or interest whatsoever of doing so.

Ricky and I are still looking at each other when the guy I knew returned. We resumed our conversation immediately. I was giving my back to Ricky from where I was standing. He vanished from my mind almost instantly.

Yes, life had certainly held one more moment of this experience for me to face.

The amazing thing was that I wasn’t mad, or angry, or happy, or anything. Simply fine, as if anything of this experience had ever happened.

It was yet another evening of those monthly networking events. I haven’t been in one for a while, but Dina and other friends of her were attending, so I decided to go as well.

I arrived to the event with Dina and it was well under way when we did. We located her friends and socialized with other attendees as well,  having a good time.

We all decided to head to the bar to get a drink when I see a guy I once knew through my ‘x.’ I excused myself from the group and walked to him.

“Hi, I’m Emma. I believe we know each other?”

“Yeah,” said he, “I remember you.”

I explained to him that I was no longer married, and talked about the times we had met in the past.

“I’m sorry to hear about what happened, I was unaware of it,” said he. “But, let me tell you this: you look AWESOME! Wow! Great in spite of what you’ve gone through.”

Now this was so unexpected. I bump into a guy I haven’t seen in years, who is now overly praising my looks. I’ve been trying to take care of myself inside and out as much as possible, but I never thought I looked that good. Talking about my self-esteem getting a boost.

Move over bitches! Here I come!

“Can I buy you a drink?” asked he still very enthusiastically.

“Yes, I would love to.” (And if you keep boosting my ego, even better.)

I briefly rejoined Dina and her friends, introduced them to the guy, and this guy and I took a place in one of the bar’s corners.

After chatting for a while, and some more praising, the topics shifted to those of family, marriage, friends and life. He, like me, had recently survived a difficult time, and both shared how we were able to overcome it.

We were really into the discussion when he got a call. He needed to answer it, so he excused himself and went outside the location to answer it.

While I waited for his return, I started looking around to see who else was there that I could perhaps know. ‘No, no, no, don’t know that person…Whoa!’ My eyes suddenly stopped. One person sure looked familiar.

I felt as if something cold quickly went up my spine. Damn you Madeline, you are always right! You know me better than I do myself at times.

Can it be…Ricky? Oh yes it is!

I called Ricky shortly after I returned from my trip. He sounded less than enthusiastic when I did.

“Hey, I’m back. When do you want to do it?”

“Yeah,” he said, “I have to get back to you on that.”

“No problem. Take care.”

He never called back.

I spoke to Madelyn about the two calls. “He first calls in a very good mood, well, buzzed, and when I called him back the second time, he didn’t seem that much interested in speaking with me or his artwork for that matter. I really don’t get him.”

And in her true manner that she have always had, Madelyn asked me the key question of the conversation: “Do you honestly care if you get him or not? I don’t think he ever got you or took the time to genuinely get to know you.”

“At this point, no, I really don’t care about him in any way.”

“So, then, what are you going to do about the artwork? Don’t you think it would be better to return it and completely dissolve any ties with him?”

“Nah, I’m keeping it on the wall. If he calls again, which I think he won’t, and wants it back, no problem, I’ll return it, no hard feelings.

And, no, I don’t think that keeping it here will be negative. Every time I look at it will be like having a reality check of what not to do the next time I get involved with someone else.

I’ve definitely learned my lesson. It’s done, over. Closed the chapter on this one.”

“I hope you’re correct,” concluded Madelyn.

I know why she said that. She has an innate ability to decipher when my experiences have something still pending. And the most incredible thing is that she doesn’t intervene in any way.

She simply lets life take care of that. And life did, in such a way that this experience went full circle and got closed for good.

I finally called Ricky back.

Madelyn was right. What’s all the fuzz I’ve made over a phone call? Plus, I’m also probably right. For sure he’s inquiring on the whereabouts of his artwork. All I need to do is make the call and speak to him in a manner that shows that my life is doing well, which it is.

“Ricky, hi, it’s Emma. I believe you tried to call me?” asked I in a calm tone.

“Emma!! How are you??” (I was correct; he was buzzed.)

“Life’s good. How about you? You sound very cheery.”

“Yeah, I had a couple of glasses of wine.” (Glasses or bottles?)

“And you called because…” I then asked.

“I moved into a new place and my walls are kind of bear, so I was hoping to get back my artwork.”

“Well, I had promised to keep it as ‘a loan’ and be returned whenever you asked to,” said I. “When were you thinking of picking it up?”

“In a couple of days.”

“I’ll tell you this, I’m about to leave town for a week. But I will give you a call once I come back and we’ll schedule a day. You can call me when you get to my building and I’ll bring it down to your car.” (What? You thought that I would actually invite you back to my apartment? Noooo. I know better than that by now.)

I sensed that Ricky’s buzz suddenly fizzled. “Ok, please do. Bye.”

I was now the one with a natural buzz. I don’t know how that comment came about, but it was great! It was like the ‘slap in the face’ that this experience needed to put it to rest.

And you know what, I feel good!

“Madelyn, you would never guess who called me!” said I sort of comically.

And, as always, she gave me a very ‘under control’ response. “Hmm, let me think… Aaah…(about a minute or so later…), no, no one out of the ordinary comes to my mind.”

“Ricky!” (she’s not impressed, not even close.)

“Well, hey, how about that?” answered her still with the same demeanor. “And what was the purpose of his call?”

“Not sure, it got cut off.”

“So what’s all the fuzz about?”

“It was totally unexpected.”

“Oh suck it up! Now, tell me, what exactly did he say??”

“Nothing that he was on the area. That’s when the call suddenly ended. But he sounded very cheery, like when you have a buzz,” said I. “Hmm, he probably called because he wants back the artwork that I’ve been baby-sitting.”

“Well, I think you got your answer. Why did you call me then??”

“I don’t know. Strange, though, that all the guys I’ve met before are all now popping up again one at a time.”

“Because you need to give this one a final closure like you’ve been doing with all the others.” (Do I? Yes, definitely!) “Call me back when you finally speak to him.”

I hanged up the phone and stared at the artwork. Darn, it is a nice piece. Blends well with my décor.

Well, I have two choices. Call him and loose it, or not calling and keeping it. But, I had given my word that I would return it.

A call it is, whatever the result may be.

I don’t remember for how long I was involved with Ricky. I don’t recall being that much (maybe a couple of months?), but it was long enough for my ‘baggage’ to surface and for him to show his ugly side.

What I mean by this is that because I was fresh out of a divorce, I started talking of all the negative things associated to it. And, of course, there’s as much as one person can take.

I saw Ricky starting to get mad at me or at things that to me were not really such a big issue. He also started spending less and less time with me or at my place, to the point he was no longer around.

The last time I was with him was at his office. I had gone there because I needed his help with something, but also had an excuse to meet with him with the hope that I would have ‘that conversation.’ You know, the one usually referred to as ‘we need to talk,’ when you want to decide if to either end or continue with whatever there is between two people.

All I remember was that when I managed to bring up the subject, Ricky’s reaction was of non-acknowledgement about us. Then his tone of voice shifted to one of sounding upset, and him expressing something to the extent that nothing was going on, or something like that.

For me, there was no point in saying anything else, so I decided to leave. When I was about to walk out the door he asked, “what’s going on?” (Yes, he did have the nerve to ask me this!)

“Well, you said what you had to say. But because I have a different position than yours, right now I think it’s irrelevant what I wanted to say. Take care.” I proceeded to exit the door and out of this (what?).

And that’s how it ended, quickly and to the point.

That was on a Saturday. It was a long weekend and all my friends were out of town. I didn’t heard from him at all.

I went right back where I started: alone, but now even more confused. All I could wonder if this was all that life had in store for me. If it is, it’s going to be a very lonely road, that’s for sure.

Here’s what happened. What I meant by ‘hooking up’ is that I let Ricky into my life right from the start. Meaning he started hanging out in my apartment all the time because I allowed that to happen.

Don’t get me wrong. It was great, at the beginning, when everything feels good, before you start discovering the things that make you different from the other person. Or putted in better words, before the things that irritate you start coming out.

On top of that, I made the biggest mistake of them all: I developed feelings for him before I got to know him as a person, to at least figure out if it was worth keeping him as a friend, or figure out if he was good enough material to possibly go beyond that.

In other words, I should have not gotten emotionally involved with Ricky in any way.

I spent so much time with him that I even helped him move out into a new place and offered to ‘take care’ of an artwork he was going to put away temporarily. (Between you and me, I think it looks better in my place.)

But although Ricky and I were ‘together’ he didn’t see it that we were actually ‘together.’ How so? Not even once did he invite me to meet his family or visit his home. He referred me to his mom as just ‘a friend.’

Sounds confusing? It was, sort of. But that’s what happens when your emotions take over your head and don’t allow you to see clearly.

And the reality was right there, loud and clear, which was that it was over before it even started, if that.

{August 3, 2009}   In The Beginning 6 – Yep!

Ricky did call me…back. Yep, I did what I should have not done at all: I contacted him the very next day.

Why did I do something like this? Because I got dumped. Because I felt lonely. Because someone appeared out of nowhere and gave me attention. Because (without realizing it back then) I was in a desperate need to have a man in my life that could fill that emptiness I had deep within myself.

Yep, the next day, after the event, I texted him. And later that day I ended meeting up with him to have dinner.

Yep, he also sent me several text messages that really flattered me like ‘You’re so cute,’ ‘I love your smirk,’ and ‘you are funny.’ I felt that I was walking on air again.

But, let’s get real here. How is it possible that I called someone that I just met the night before, who first impression of him was that he was totally unfashionable to me?

Yep, if you were ‘in my shoes’ way back then, I would have bet them that you would have done the same.

Yep, that’s how it went. Desperate girl goes to a party with girlfriends. DG meets unfashionable guy. DG texted UG the next day. DG and UG hook up quickly shortly after.

Hooked up in what way?

You’ll just have to keep on reading to find out.


et cetera