The New M.E. Generation











The next day we exchanged texts again about other random things. Don’t recall what we were chatting about when he says: “I’m sure you’re still as beautiful as ever”.

I was one of those ‘ahhh’ moments that shook me to my core. One of those when you had completely forgotten how good it feels like when reading such a thought like that. And, how are you supposed to respond to such a message?

Honestly, my mind went blank about what to say other than thanking him. Since I’ve never been able to ‘go below the surface’ and find out what he’s really made of, I felt me opening about my feelings now was not the right thing to do.

Another few days later, again talking nonsense, I finally braved up to say: “I was meaning to ask you. Are you seeing anyone?”

He: “Nah.”

Me: “No nurses?” (Recap: he once got involved with another, probably one of many. When I saw on social media that he sent roses to her for Valentine’s and she posted the photo of the arrangement along with all this romantic text thanking him, I unfriended him immediately. I learned later on that when he tried to break-up with her, she threatened to kill herself. This may sound like a General Hospital episode, but no surprise here.

One word: Karma. It’s not the first time that guys say they’re not interested in me, to then hook up with some chick that later turned out to be a psycho bitch, to then reappear as if nothing has happened.’)

Him: “No nurses. Had a GF nurse. Broke up about 4-5 weeks ago.”

(So that’s why he came back… I told you so that there was something more here!)

Him: “I don’t do liars or cheaters.”

Me: “She cheated on you?”

Him: “Yup.”

Me: “Ouch! How did you find out?” (Karma. Again. And I didn’t say I was sorry for what happened to him because I’m not.)

Him: “I went to leave a love note in her wallet and there was someone else’s love note in there.” (Dude, you can’t go into other people’s things! Did you check her phone too while you were at it?)

And, what? He revealed his feelings? He expressed them on paper? Whoa!

But, Karma, again, of course. You never really wanted me and now life is getting back at you. Hurts doesn’t it? Wouldn’t be surprised it was that extremely bleached blond from your photo in the boat.

I don’t remember him being romantic with me, ever. I, on the other hand, was the one who once did write a note to him.

When my school held the annual Farewell Assembly for his graduating class, the custom was that you could send, and had delivered, cards and else from other students.

I decided to send him a card; I debated first whether it was worth doing it or not. After deciding to do so, I then had difficulty deciding what to say beyond the expected congratulations and well wishes.

I probably wrote something to the extent that ‘I will never forget you’, ‘Will miss you’, or ‘You’ll always have a friend here’. Thoughts that we tell others, but not always follow through later on.

Thoughts that in the heat of the moment touch our hearts greatly, to later maybe get forgotten once the day is over and the cards are put away, and we walk out the door towards the next chapter of our life.

I remember the event being held in the auditorium with people from the 7-11 grades. His class was sitting on the stage in about 4 rows of chairs. He happened to be on the first row towards stage left. He was wearing like a light brown suit with the darkest of tans.

My class was also sitting to that side, so I had a good view of him. When someone stood in front of him to give him the envelopes, he first had a look of ‘oh, for me?’. He held his hand open to accept them. 1-2-3-4. By the third one, his eyes opened wide and the face changed to a surprised one.

He read one by one. At one point he looked my way with teary eyes (yes I’m sure!), but don’t know if they were intended for me.

As the activity came to an end, many students jumped on stage to dance to “Come Sail Away“, the chosen theme song. I, of course, took the opportunity to be next to him. He did break out in some dance (yes he did!), and I shed some tears to which he didn’t react to much.

As the years go by, no matter what I do, I always go back to that day when I hear that song.

“I look to the sea; reflections in the waves spark my memory. / Some happy, some sad. / I think of childhood friends and the dreams we had.”

Yep, if only life could be as easy as a day at the beach.

 

 

 

 



It has been a few weeks since the ‘beach guy’ resurfaced, so I was curious about him. I know his last text message had ‘booty call’ written all over it and that our last chatting some 2 years ago ended badly, but that’s the way I am. For me, there’s always something underlying here that I want to find out.

I know his behavior proved he’s still the same guy I remember from school, but you always wonder if even a slight behavior modification has occurred.

So I texted him ‘So what’s up with you?’ and waited for an answer. He replied a couple of hours later, stating that he was dealing with a cardio patient in a clinic in Ohio.

After the small talk exchange from both sides was done, he then said: “Well I’m sorry I missed you last time I was there.”

Me: “Next time tell me in advance and it might happen.”

Him: “Well it was a last minute trip. That’s how they usually are.”

Yep, still the same. Felt like saying, “Whatever. You couldn’t even call or text me during your 3+ hours drive that you were headed my way?” But I was in no mood to engage in a new ‘war of words’ that would lead to the same “I’m done” as before. So I didn’t comment on that.

Him: “What might happen 🙂 See you?”

Me: “Yeah if I can meet up with you.”

Him: “Awesome.”

OMG, what’s wrong with this guy? It’s obvious that if he continues to drop by unannounced and giving me a very small window of time to react, I will continue to decline his invitation. “Más claro no canta un gallo.”

The next day in the evening, we again exchanged some more random conversation. Around 10:30pm he sends me a selfie of his face, taken while lying down on the bed. ‘Man, you look old!’ was my first thought.

His facial expression was one I couldn’t quite figure out (so typical of him). Besides showing a serious tone, it was part ‘sleepy’, to perhaps ‘want to join me?’, to ‘like what you see?’, to ‘I want to say something nice to you, but will never tell’, to ‘I was an idiot letting you go’. I know I could have asked him his thoughts, but since he’s hard to decipher, I again left it at that.

I then debated if I should do the same about the selfie. Thought ‘why not?’ and sent it, but I was smiling in it.

Him: “You are so pretty as always.”

Wow, that comment really took me back to the past, when one day he would be super nice to me at the beach, giving me the illusion that he was into me, to then ignoring me completely at school, making me feel rejected and confused. I replied only with ‘Thanks’.

Have to admit that it moved me. It has been a while since any guy have said anything nice to me (the closest is LZ1 – see the Road Less Traveled story). And with all I’ve gone through, it surely made my night.

But thought what I should have really told him was “if you like what you see, you should put a ring on it”, as in ‘here’s your chance now’.

But that’s something I will probably never get to see, unless he’s waiting for me to do that. I mean, I was the one who invited him to come my way multiple times with no success. Hmm, that’s probably because he’s seeing somebody.

Got to get an update on this before I make my next move (or not)!

 

 

 



It was around 7pm on a Friday after getting home that I looked at my mobile while watching TV and trying to cook something. I tend to put the phone down in my room and ignore it until later. But I had been texting with someone that day and wanted to conclude with the chatting.

I notice I hadn’t read a text, which I thought was from the other person, but didn’t hear the alert sound, which was odd to me. Looking again, I noticed it came from the Unknown tab.

I see a number and 2 texts delivered around an hour and a half earlier: “Emma!!” “Emma Marques”.

I searched the area code and it gave me the town where ‘the beach guy’ lives. Oh, no! ‘Just when I thought it was safe to go back into the water’…

It had to be him. I don’t know anyone else who lives in his area. And when someone spells my last name correctly, they definitely know me.

To be honest, it wasn’t thrilled about him resurfacing, especially after how he behaved when we reconnected. I thought about ignoring it all together, but decided to test him out.

I waited about a half hour and then replied: “Who’s this?”

“Frank. Wow. You are on a ‘delay’.”

What’s that supposed to mean? That I didn’t fulfill your expectations of not responding right away? Memo to you: I will treat you the same way you have before – indifferent.

“This is Emma from school?” (he gave the correct name). Yep, still not making it easy to him.

“Frank who? Yes.”

“Frank Antonetti” / “I’m in town and I thought of you” /  “So I’m reaching out to see how you are” / “Still divorced and Single? Boyfriend? Girlfriend? Married again?” / “I’m going out to get some dinner.” / “I’m in Bal Harbor.”

Surprise, surprise (not). Here we go again of him never telling me in advance that he’s going to be around, even less using the phone to do so.

I clearly remember once when he was flown by private jet to meet with a patient (he’s a personal doctor) on a weekday. He texted me while on the air around 10pm or so, saying to join him at the hotel. I told him I had to go to work the next day. He said: “too bad. we could have snuggled together.”

Really? I know how this goes, you’re in town taking care of other people’s needs, but looking to resolve yours with a “quickie fix”?

The last time he did the same ‘unannounced’ thing and I gave him a very solid ‘no’, he tried to play the ‘guilty feelings’ card by saying that ‘I remember you being more adventurous’ (no kiddo, I’m not bungee jumping to prove you wrong or let you manipulate me so you can get what you want). Or that ‘I bet my hotel room is more comfortable than your apartment’ and ‘you’re probably bored watching a movie on TV’.

I didn’t kept quiet and fired back at him in such a way, that he last said “I’m done”. So was I, big time.

And WTF with the ‘girlfriend’ question? What makes you think that, because I’ve been unlucky finding a guy, now I’m trying other measures to be with someone?

I didn’t felt like saying anything else, but wanted to get back at him somehow, so I waited some more and decided on just this: “Hey! Nice of you to think of me. Life is good.”

It was a combination of telling a lie, leaving it ambiguous, and that whatever I’m doing at this exact moment, is way better than being with you.

“Good”, said he. “How far are you from where I am?”

I didn’t say a word. Half hour later he says: “Well, I’m sure you’re busy.”

Exactly, you didn’t appreciate any of my time before, so now I’m ‘busy’ for you.

The next day I realized that I also had a Messenger and Friend request. We used to be connected on social media, but I unfriended him during the ‘done’ episode (and I never looked back).

Still, I took a peak at his profile out of curiosity. It was normal, except this photo from almost a year ago, where he’s on his boat taking a selfie (using both hands) with a very blonde chick (like those that probably bleach their hair with a household cleaner). She had an exaggerated smile and held him like an octopus; his body language read he was only with her for whatever reason that benefitted him.

I then told my bestie about it (see The Ex-Friend): “I hope my non-reply gives him the message.”

Bestie: “Hopefully, because it seems he’s a moron. Otherwise you don’t deal with booty calls or booty FB requests.”

Me: “Haven’t heard from him in like 2 years and now reappears parachute-style?”

Bestie: “One word for you: Next!!!”

You got that right, as always.

Interestingly enough, I was as calm as I’ve ever been. Amazing what time and distance can do for you.

As for him, I hope he enjoyed his meal, whatever kind it was.

“Revenge is a meal best served cold.” Buono appetito!

 

 

 



{August 31, 2015}   Looking Back 49 – Well done

The next day, Sunday, I woke up trying not to think about the incidents that had occurred the previous days. I try to do that with a daily routine of making coffee, picking up the bed, have breakfast, wash the dishes, get ready and go, either to work or run errands.

I couldn’t go to church the day before because of a heavy downpour that kept me at home. I definitely needed some spiritual distraction. His comments had touched a nerve with me on issues I have worked really hard to resolve. Even more, I was determined not to have anyone or anything disrupt my tranquility.

All these single years have been about me and I was not going to revert of losing who I was now as a person. It had taken me a lot of effort to develop an outside shell that just repelled all attacks or negativity that came my way.

He may be done with me and so do I with him, but there was something for me to say to be really that.

‘BTW, every time I reach out to you you’re busy. Then you appear out of nowhere and expect me to drop everything to be with you?’ text I.

‘Emma, I am busy. I have multiple businesses. No big deal. Just don’t bust my balls to come to Miami. I had a limo all weekend and could have come to you, although my suite is way nicer and more comfy. I could have sent the car for you. It didn’t work out. I’m not a planner…just the way I am.’

‘Fine but that’s how I operate. If you had told me ahead of time would have been better. My life may seem bland to you but it’s mine and I’m fine with it. It was very hurtful from your part bringing out my ex.’

‘All good. I need to get on a private jet now. You’re hung up on that. Let it go. It’s holding your life back.’

‘That’s my problem, not yours.’

‘And I let it go. So there. You’re the one always bringing it up.’

First of all, the suite you were may be awesome for you, but you’re been very rude downgrading my place. In fact, you’re been a total dick. I’m very comfy here, even when watching reruns. It’s my little kingdom and wouldn’t change it. And if your ‘balls’ aren’t into coming my way, why should I move mine for you?

Second, that I bring the ex up, really? When? We never talk. You’re always busy. You said it yourself. Again, had I complied with doing exactly as he wanted, nothing of this ‘conversation’ would have been said.

Third, you say you’re not a planner? Guess what, neither do I. Just because I’m single doesn’t mean I’m desperate to have sex with the first guy that comes along. You do with your life the same I do, whatever I want.

The limo suite and else sounds very inviting, but they feel as shallow as you, because there’s no feelings in them, other than fulfilling your needs.

You’re treating me as one of your other ‘toys’ that you have at you disposition to use whenever you want. You might think you can turn me ‘on’ whenever you want, but you’re really turn me ‘off’ time and again.

And as usual, the battle of words happened, but I was glad I said what I said.

I left my apartment very peaceful. It was a feeling that after today there would be no more communications between us both.

It was as if I had finally closed the chapter with this one and I’m glad it did. I felt stronger, more confident as a woman, and that’s all worth it.

So you see ‘beach guy’, I did take my life back as you told me to, but you’re no longer in it because I let go of what I really needed to: you. Done.



On Saturday I took care of other things, but made an effort to relax and rest as much as possible. My weekend was going as normal as usual, that is, until I get a text message from him.

‘Sorry for not being able to meet with you.’ Well, that’s a first, apologizing for something, especially from someone who has made it very clear that he will never admit making a mistake, because in his world, he never does.

‘No worries. Maybe next time,’ replied I.

What happened next I did not expect. He started criticizing me in such a way I became baffled to his behavior. What I did not grasp was that he didn’t apologize for not making time to see me, he was upset I didn’t make an effort to be with him!

It then became a war of words of ‘you said, he said’ in text mode. The exchange got to the point that no one wanted to lose this battle, so I started deleting them.

‘You overthink everything. You’re never fun, only combative and full of excuses. You’re probably in your pajamas watching reruns,’ said he.

‘And why does that bother you? I don’t criticize your life,’ said I.

‘Goodnight. BTW. You have. But once again. Whatever.’ So, you finally noticed someone else treating you the way you treat others.

‘When have I criticized you?’ Exactly, please give me the details as you clearly remember.

‘Stay pissed off at your ex the rest of your life. I remember when you were happy and adventurous. Full of life. I’ve learned life is too short to be bitter and unhappy. You are smart and beautiful. Go get it. Take over your life.’ Now he’s bringing out the ex card to deviate the real issue here.

Also, you remember me being what? Where, the beach? You basically had no contact with me at school.

Regarding my looks, that I know, and I get that from guys, but need more than that after I hear it. Lastly, I’m fine with my life and I’m living it in my own terms, not what you think should be.

‘Please do not criticize me any more. What I’ve learned in life is that as long as I do what others expect of me and fill their expectations, it’s all good. Once I don’t I’m then the problem with the ex issue,’ said I.

‘I’m done.’

You know what? I’m done too. I’m done with you always wanting to have the last word. I’m done with me being good to others and getting retaliated with a major guilt trip. I’m done with getting judged based on your reality when at the present you don’t know who I am.

Yes, I’m done with many things. But as it relates to him, sooner or later it was to happen like it just did.

I was still upset, but knew it was best to put the phone down again and walk away.

I may be still struggling with certain issues of the past, but unlike you and my ex, I’m dealing with them and not pretending you have nothing to do with them, or that your circumstances are as a result of other people or situations.

Oh, BTW, ‘whatever’ show I’m watching on TV it’s way much better than this ‘rerun’ between you and me that I should have cancelled many seasons ago. Click!



The second half of my workday was hectic. A project came in that kept me busy until at least 7:30 p.m. I had the day off the next day, so I had to finish it.

I got home exhausted, ate something and went to sleep earlier than usual. I really needed a rest and wished there had been someone at home to greet me, share dinner with and helped me feel better after the day I had.

These were the days I missed not having a boyfriend, but I didn’t miss this one in particular. He was, of course, very far off of what I wanted in a man, so much that I didn’t even thought about him all night.

I woke up rested and took care of errands, did laundry, cooked, etc. I know it was Friday, but I just needed to have a stress-free day, putting my attention away from the day I had before.

All was calm around 7 p.m. when I get a text from him that read, ‘come over so we can be together’. Again, nothing of a greeting, asking how I am or even if I ‘would like’ to spend some time with him. The feeling that I was now having was one when you have food on your mouth that tastes so bad you want to spit it out.

Two things came to mind: pet dog and call girl. And they have things in common. Both are sitting around for you to come home or contact you, and react immediately when the fingers get snapped at them, without thinking about it.

And that’s how it has been with him, and other guys, that have crossed my life, to which I had allowed to happen. Whenever I reach out to them, either they don’t respond or do so many days later.

But if they contact me, I respond rather quickly. I don’t think I’ve ever not replied to anyone. If I don’t, it would mean something big has happened to me or had a legitimate reason.

I got upset and felt like a second-class person. But this was nothing new. I’ve never felt good with him. So I asked myself why have I allowed myself to feel this way over and over for so long, when it’s clear his way of being is unhealthy for me?

I know he could be ‘someone that I know’ or label him in some other way like, ‘a guy I went to school with’. Because, honestly, having he as a friend is something that has never happened. He may have been at times a ‘sympathetic ear’, but ultimately he has been him and all about him.

I held my mobile and decided I would not reply. I put it down and walked away.

A short while later he text again, ‘No response?’ I smiled sarcastically; interesting how people react when you change your behavior or ignore them completely.

Knowing if I turned down his invitation would get me ‘the guy speech’, i.e., he will turn the situation around to make it look as I’m the unhappy person who prefers to be alone than have fun, I replied another way.

‘I’m just done with my hectic day and I’m going home,’ said I. It was short and to the point as he does.

‘That sucks,’ said he.

And that was it. No ‘I wished could make you feel better in some way’ or anything else. But why should I be surprised? I should be the one surprising him by snapping my fingers at him and say, ‘walk away.’

And I need to ‘snap out of this’ and instead of acting like the girl that everyone expects of me, show everyone the woman I have become. Snap!



{August 10, 2015}   Looking Back 46 – Taking note

Life can be contradictory. On one hand, you’re told that no matter what, things will always change, because that’s how the universe works.

But on the other hand, certain changes do happen because other people, circumstances or forces make it happen. It may be so this way, but the ultimate person to complete the process is oneself. And if you don’t, it will always linger like a bad cold you’re trying to shake off.

Case in point, the beach guy reappeared again as he always does in the most awkward moment or inconvenient time for me.

It was a Thursday afternoon and I was having lunch downstairs, outside the office which I don’t do often. I was eating a sandwich at a Deli looking at the news on a TV monitor when he text me.

‘What are you doing?’ asked he. Note: no greeting was first mentioned.

It was one of those busy days at work that doesn’t seem to end and was not in the mood at that moment for anything, other than taking my break and eating. ‘Lunch’ is all I replied.

‘I’m here at –‘ said he. He was located at a city at least one county away.

‘Really? What for?’ replied I. Note: he was coming down my way, but didn’t bother to tell me in advanced.

‘Work. How far am I from you?’

‘Don’t know; a little over an hour depending on traffic?’ He asked me for my address to check the distance, to which he replied after researching, ’50 minutes’.

I knew why he was asking me that. He was probably contemplating if there would be an opportunity to meet. But honestly, with the day I was having, at that instant I wasn’t interested in that at all.

‘How long are you here for?’ asked I.

‘Probably tomorrow night.’

I don’t recall what I replied next, but I completely ignored his hints. I just thought that if he had wanted to see me he should make it happen. I definitely wasn’t in the mood for anything, even less the effort of going to him.

Here’s the thing: I had recently text him if he was coming to my area any time soon and he just said, ‘I don’t know.’ Or if I text him asking him what plans he had for the weekend, he always replied that he was busy, or had his kids, or some other excuse that translated to ‘I’m not interested’.

This has been a situation that has repeated many times over, so why should I react to his local area visit? Spoiler alert: I’m treating you the way you treat me, i.e., I’m not interested.

We stopped the text because he was on a meeting and my break was done.

I could have continued, but I still had my second part of the work day and knew it wasn’t going to be smooth.

I sat back at my desk and kept on working. But his presence gave me a bad aftertaste. It took me back to high school when he was always busy studying and barely dedicated any time to me.

I was always the one looking for him and he would have that look that he had more important things to take care of.

I tried really hard not to think much about his behavior, but after a while it felt like huge rejections that became painful.

I didn’t deserve it, but back then I didn’t know when it was time to step back and walk away, to know when to read the signs that this wasn’t healthy for me, that as much effort and chances one gives to people or situations, some of them will just simply never be.

And that is one hard pill to swallow.



Although I didn’t end up doing anything romantic for the weekend, I managed to have fun on my own way.

After the universe intervention inside the store, I spent the rest of the day relaxing at home. I cooked myself some dinner, called a few friends I was pending to do so for some time, and watched a movie on TV. Of course it was romantic, but watched it objectively and let myself dream about my own love future.

The next day (Monday) was a holiday, which made it even better. I rested well, had breakfast and later went to the hairdresser.

One thing I’ve practiced throughout the years is to always take care of myself and do things that help my self-esteem. Even more, it’s another way of expressing myself and continues developing my personality.

Back in the days of my past life, that guy or ‘X’ never liked what I did to my hair. Although I was the one wearing it, I had to get it done the way he wanted it. He would always say, ‘you have to please me’, to which I would reply, ‘and who is pleasing me?’

He would stare at me with a blank face because he was totally moronic and emotionally retarded, and the relationship was all about him. He didn’t care about my feelings or personality.

He wanted me to fulfill his expectations in their entirety and even if I did, it was never good enough. There was still another level that I needed to achieve to make him ‘happy’, which he never was.

So now after all these years on my own, being able to express a part of me is something very powerful. And it will stay as that with whomever comes into my life and wants to be with me.

I also wanted to go to the hairdresser because the weather forecasted cold days this coming week. This meant that if I didn’t take care of it today, I would had to wait for the weather to change again.

I got my hair done and a few days later it got pretty cold. I knew the beach guy disliked the cold weather because it wouldn’t allow him to go ‘topless’ in his car. He would get in a bad mood, so I decided to tease him and have fun with it.

‘Hey, how bad is the weather over there?’ text I.

‘I hate this weather!! Pretty chilly. My nipples are hard, but not all of me.’

‘Shrinkage?’

‘No problem in that department. How’s the weather for you down south? Any activity lately?’

How dare he?? Guess the joke is on me now. I didn’t answer right away, as I was overly upset and wanted to get my thoughts together before I said something very nasty.

‘Guess not?’ asked he.

‘Not answering that. That’s not for you to know.’

‘Right.’

Exactly right. What little emotions I had towards him had just turned cold. Maybe I should wait for the sunnier days to happen before I contact him again, if that.

Maybe that will warm up my heart and look at things differently. But for today, it’s all frozen.



It was still early in the morning the day after St. Valentine’s and had no plans or guy to spend it with.

So what’s a girl to do? Go shopping, of course!

Hey, it’s the most wonderful time to do that, considering there’s bargains for merchandise left over from the holidays. So I decided to go to a store close to me that I’ve been to before, which was advertising great markdowns.
I went straight to the back part where all the clearance items were. I liked what I was finding and listening to.

The in-store background music was all American as the store’s image is. The tunes sang about having good times, how much love a person had for their significant other; all with messages intended to make your shopping as pleasant as possible.

Heck, I was even singing the songs in my head. I got into such a really good mood, that not even the crowd at the store bothered me.

Next step was the dressing room. There was a line, but I didn’t have to wait that long, which was great.

I got inside one and was so immersed in trying out my clothes, that I became unaware of all other noise around me. That is, until something very strange happened.

A song with a Latin beat started playing. It got my attention because my mind was already tuned to songs in English, so it took me a few seconds to adjust to listening the lyrics in Spanish. What was even weirder was that of all times I’ve been to this store, I’ve never heard any songs in Spanish before.

I know I live in a very populated Hispanic community, but I know as a fact that many businesses hire the services of companies that provide background music. This means that the songs have been pre-selected, so you have no control of what is to be streamed.

As I continued listening to the song I realized I’ve heard this one before: <em>“Your love is yesterday’s newspaper that no one else cares to read about. I loved you, but now I don’t. You’re now part of my memory album.”

WTF?? Was this the universe talking straight at me? This is not exactly a love song, but more of a guy telling his significant other that he loved her at one time, but because she was ungrateful to him, he’s moving on and doesn’t want her in his life no more.

Ouch! That’s a big statement. It was pretty much what I lived with the beach guy, but in reverse, and it resonated heavily with me. It was almost as if this relationship had just been played out loud.

Then the song ended and the American ones continued. I was so baffled that I had to sit down in the dressing room to analyze what had just happened. I was still wearing the stuff I had picked out to try on.

Why did this happen, especially when I was alone, inside the dressing room? Maybe the universe altered the music in some way to let me know that yes, I did the right thing the night before.

Maybe if I had been on the store floor I would have missed the song. I needed to be there between those 4 walls to really get the message of what had happened then and now.

I stood up and looked at myself on the mirror. It was as if I was staring at another person; I felt different but in a good way.

That girl from the past was also yesterday’s news and just as the lyrics said, I just don’t want you any more.



et cetera