The New M.E. Generation











As the conversation continued, don’t remember why, he started giving me an explanation from his point of view about how the whole situation occurred.

It sounded like ‘the small guy versus the big guy’, in which he claims he was doing everything ‘by the book’, but the authorities saw it in another way, and down he went with everyone and anything that had to do with it.

He even got all worked up when talking about it, which was totally new to me. His voice level started going up and speech to go faster for a few minutes, until he snapped out of it because he didn’t want to talk about it any longer.

As the expression summarizes well, ‘there are three sides to a story: your side, my side, and the truth’. I listened to his argument and although it did make sense what he was saying, I could only wonder how much does it takes for a person to do something that you must have known was to have some serious consequences.

It just takes one mistake to find yourself having a record, to be categorized as a criminal, to have everything you worked so hard for vanish, including your freedom and reputation.

This is one of those stories you read about and wonder how on earth did this happen and why, and maybe feel sad for the person involved. But when it’s someone you know, it really hits hard.

And with a pandemic going on, the least you can do is feel sorry for him because this could have ended a lot worse that it did.

Then the topic of the girlfriend came up. His emotions flared up again, and the little I could pick up from what he was saying was ‘toxic’ and ‘she can have her expensive this and expensive that…’, like he really got fed up with her. All the while thinking to myself that he also has a whole bunch of costly stuff, even more than she probably does. So what’s the deal with the complaints?

“You two are just different, that’s all”, said I trying to get him to calm down, which somehow worked.

But the real turning point happened when he expressed the effect everything (GF included) has had on him: “…all of sudden I was having chest pains and realized it was a heart attack. Instead of waiting for the paramedics, I drove myself to the hospital, where a woman I know was waiting for me with the monitor and everything. If I had stayed for the ambulance, I would have probably died.”

Me: “You drove yourself to the hospital while having a heart attack???” (If this guy wasn’t a doctor, would have not believed him.)

I was trying to process his near-death experience when he then said, “Life is too short. I don’t need all those fancy cars and else I used to have. My home now is a 2-bedroom condo and I’m fine with it.”

I looked at my phone and thought to myself, ‘who am I talking to?’ I sort of felt I was listening to that version of him when we were in school. That guy at the beach that was always down to earth and nice to be around with. Does this means that the old him has returned?

Me: “I’m glad that you survived the attack and being away. I said it before and will say it again, you have a way of always bouncing back, of managing to accomplish anything you set your mind to without much obstacles. Not that many people are able to do that.”

The conversation was coming to an end (because the other new thing in his life is that he goes to sleep between 9-9:30 pm), I took the opportunity to ask him again if there’s a chance of me going visit him.

Him: “I would like to. But right now I just got back home, I’m on probation and have to be attentive to all that I do. I need some time.”

For the first time I felt he wasn’t giving me whatever excuse not to see him. And that arrogance I thought he had was gone (or not).

We ended the conversation with ‘let’s talk again some day’. And, again, I felt he meant that. But with my previous experiences (meaning that this is what happens every couple of years), this might well not be, especially the part of visiting him.

So I find myself once more wondering what to do. Should I give this another try or just keep in touch and reach out to him once in while?

I guess I’ll just ‘go with the flow’ (like the ocean water). If only life could be as easy as a day at the beach.

 



The weekend came and finding myself with the need to speak to someone (especially now that pretty much everyone is stuck at home), I decided to give this guy a call, even though I thought I would later regret it.

I actually called two people at the same time using my regular phone line. My call to him eventually connected me to his voicemail and left him a message.

I got no response from either one, so the next day I texted them. They both said that their phone wasn’t showing a missed call. I then tried calling this guy thorough the app we’ve been using to chat with and replied he was on another call.

About 20 minutes later, he called back. Seeing his photo on my cellphone screen was an even bigger surprise because it has been quite long (probably a few years) since last hearing his voice.

Our conversation lasted over an hour and the topic that I was the most curious about – his so-called sabbatical – was finally revealed.

As I thought, yes, he went to federal prison (usually where people serving for ‘white-collar crimes’ go to), but only for 3 months. And that he surrendered his license late January.

I told him I felt that’s what happened because I had been reading the newspapers covering the situation, but didn’t want to be so insisting on him for being a delicate matter.

He explained that he just got back home from serving time and the reasons why his term got reduced are: one, after entering the facility, the court system had second thoughts about his case and felt he really didn’t need to be locked away. Two, the pandemic. Three, he medically saved one of the correctional officer’s life (“because it was the right thing to do”) and the warden took notice, who then advocated favorably on his defense.

I was happy to hear about his good deed, not because I was surprised by his actions, but because I know he has that characteristic within him. But with all that has happened and the way I feel he has changed to be borderline arrogant, as it happens, the bad always overshadows the good even if the later is way bigger than the first.

And that applies to me too. Forget about all the history between him and me that he always talks about. Once you get stuck only on the mistakes, going back to seeing the person as a whole with the good and bad is very difficult to do.

Regarding his professional license, he’s fine with that for the time being. He mentioned again about closing his practice and the biggest issue with having one, according to him, is that you’re always at risk for a patient suing you.

And I believe him. Nowadays you hear people saying ‘sue me’ near and far, and see TV commercials for lawyers willing to go after anyone on your behalf in exchange for some good settlement.

For now he’s involved in other non-medical business opportunities (involving the ocean/beaches, of course) and from the sound of it, they seem very promising. He also said he will work on getting his license back when the time is right.

When I mentioned that I had wondered if he had left to Italy (and gotten the passport) like he once said he would, he said that idea of leaving the U.S. for good is still in his mind. Even more, he wants to get a sailboat and go around the world, all the while practicing medicine in Europe.

He gave me all the details of the route he wants to take (which includes the Caribbean) and, once again, I got jealous of him. Why is he always the one that comes up with these amazingly planned ideas? It’s like the ‘running away and joining the circus’ scenario that you know it’s crazy, but deep inside we all wish we could do.

But, what else could you expect from ‘the beach guy’? The ocean has been part of his life his whole existence, going as far as competing in sailing events, one specifically around the island where we grew up. So this all second nature to him.

And if you can do it, why not? Which made me think, if I could choose anything, what would I do in my latter years? Hmm…

 

 

 

 

 



A long weekend finally happened and I was desperate to get out of town and do a road trip within state. I had made plans to meet up with someone I hadn’t seen in decades and I was surely excited for the reunion.

Coincidentally, the beach guy’s hometown was around the area I was traveling to. Sure enough, letting him know about my travel crossed my mind. But with the past experience of me having asked him several times to visit him, to which he always gave me some excuse not to, plus his relationship, made it best not to say anything.

Besides, my focus was on the other guy, who at one point had been a close friend and a positive influence in my life. So my attention was to be destined entirely to him.

But even as I entered the city through its famous bridge and looked towards the water with excitement, I couldn’t help but think ‘he’s somewhere out there’.

As I got closer to my final destination and kept looking at his city name on the highway exits, it was even more tempting to contact him. But forgot about it as soon as I got to see my old friend.

A few days later after my return, I was curious to know how he would react to my nearly close encounter.

Me: “BTW, I was more less in your area this past long weekend, so I thought about you.”

(About a week later…)  Him: “Shoot, you were here?”

Me: “Not really.” (I mentioned my 30-years-in-the-making reunion and how I took advantage of the holiday to get the hell out of my city.) “Besides, I told you many times when you were single about visiting you and always said no. And now you have a girlfriend, so even more complicated.”

Him: “I don’t have a girlfriend. I’m single.” (Hmm, wonder if his ‘sabbatical’ had anything to do with it.)

Me: “So why do you still have a photo with her on Messenger?”

Him: “I do? My profile picture on social media has changed.”

I took a screenshot of the image I see on my messenger (the one that appears when searching his name), which is him cheek-to-cheek with the blonde GF, all very happy.

Him: “My photo is my dog. That one must be a contact picture in your phone.”

Me: “No, this is what I see when I look you up on Messenger. Your image on my phone list is different. Doesn’t matter. If now I can finally go visit you, let me know…” (which I’m sure you’re not going to say anything about.)

Him: “Well, I have to figure out how to change it. It should match the profile pic on my social, right?” (See, I told you…)

Me: “You’re asking the wrong person. Maybe because we’re not ‘friends’ has to do with it. But technology is not my forte.” (I think because I unfriended him, the photo that I see is the one he had on his profile at that time.)

He then send me a screenshot of a conversation with one of his children where he asked, ‘Question, what pic of me do you see on messenger? [GF’s name] and I or the dog?’ To which the reply was, ‘dog’.

Me: “Don’t know what to tell you. I’ll keep chatting with you through this other app and problem solved. I would imagine if we reconnect on social the photo will change.”

Him: “Ok. It’s just odd. That’s all.” (Wow, if you only gave this much attention to my request of visiting you.)

Me: “No worries. Maybe I’ll give you a call one of these days. Still have the same number?”

Him: “Yes.” (Well, this is another thing that hadn’t changed.)

So you’re probably wondering if I’m calling him. Well… maybe… Now that we’re stuck at home and getting in touch with everyone and anyone is the thing to do, it’s a 50-50 thing.

Half is because I’m curious of having a chat with him (especially because I’m desperate to find out the real story behind the ‘sabbatical’).

The other is that I know he won’t take my call and will reply via texts as he’s done before, even when he was still single, so I’m not into that. I will end up getting upset and feeling I wasted my time.

So what will be it be? …I’ll just sleep on it.

 

 



The last time I recall having any communication with ‘the beach guy’ was sometime last February. I sent him a follow-up text wondering what he finally decided to do about his temporary departure from the world. But again, no answer.

I did notice that the last time he was on the app was around the time of my last message. Even more, he had closed his social media account. Which made me believe he had surely ‘disconnected’.

It was around the same period that the pandemic situation was starting to get complicated, and me assuming he took off out of state (or maybe the nation), he was probably stuck somewhere that getting in touch with wasn’t happening for the next 12 months he said he was going to be away for.

The months passed and forgot about him, until I became curious about the outcome of his court case. I knew he had pleaded guilty to some charges, but wasn’t aware if there was any sentencing on this case.

I went online and found a newspaper article dated December of last year that read ‘he will serve 1 year and 1 day in federal prison’ and that ‘he was to surrender his medical license at the end of January’.

Then it really hit me: he’s on jail for for the exact time he said he would be away! Plus he lost his license! I was surprised and not surprised about him.

In my opinion he is one of those people that has always managed to be successful in all they do. And because they’ve never had failures, when they fall, they do really hard!

After thinking to myself all the bad words that described him and his situation, I then started to get concerned. It is a known fact that the worst place to be right now is on a jail, because you can’t practice distancing and an enclosed environment is ground zero for a virus to really get out of control. And if you don’t have the means to protect yourself, watch out! All I could do was to wish him to be safe.

And then… sometime late May; him: “Hello”. (Wait, what?? He held on to my last message? I think I was more in shock now.)

Me: “Hey!! Long time no hear! Where are you?

Him: “I’m in my city at the moment. Just got back into town last week.”

Me: “Done with your sabbatical? Where did you go?” (jail?). “You closed your social media.”

(Two days later…) Him: “I reactivated my account. I was on the northwestern part of the state.

Me: “Oh okay… doing your sabbatical?” (jail time?).

(The next day.) Him: “No. I’m done with my ‘sabbatical’.” (jail, right?) “I’m back in my county.”

Me: “Good. How is the virus affecting your business?”

Him: “Well, I was forced to move out of my location because the shopping center expanded another client’s space. I have not practiced medicine since January 31 and have been doing other things for income” (so the license thing did happen?). “I’m actually selling Covid testing stuff and it’s not bad.”

Me: “Sorry to hear that. Hope you can get back on track eventually.”

Him: “Sorry? Why? I was tired of running a practice.” (So the clinic closed around the same time as the license situation? What a coincidence.)

Me: “I mean, since you’re a doctor, thought it was disappointing.”

Him: “Nah. It’s a change and for now is good.”

Me: “If you feel good about it, that’s all that matters.”

Him: “Thank you. I’m actually working on Covid-19, so I’m doing good things for the community.”

Me: “I’m very happy to hear about that. We’re in need of people like you. Stay safe.”

How about that? My feeling is that he was in jail, the virus started happening and because he’s not a ‘menace to society’, they let him go. And because he’s a doctor, the more the reason for him to be ‘serving time’ somewhere else.

This is one of those ‘it will never happen’ moments when the world changed abruptly and now you’re getting a second chance to redeem yourself for good. Because, if he indeed was locked away and the pandemic hasn’t happened, he would still be there for sure. Talking about things going your way always! How more lucky can you be?

 

 

 

 



Me: “So if you’re not going to be in a relationship any longer, how about seeing each other then?”, read my text. (Silence…)

Of course he didn’t reply, as usual. He may say that “we go back a long way” and whatever other sugarcoated comment he usually mentions about us. Reality is he always avoids responding every time I put him against the wall. All he could add to our conversation was “it’s complicated”.

Me: “I can’t believe you allowed yourself to get into this dilemma. You were the one that always resolved any issue in front of you. You wouldn’t let anything or anyone disrupt your life. This is not you at all.”

I could see he was reading my messages, but chose to remain quiet. I was wondering if what I was saying was having an effect on him, when usually he was the one that had the greatest influence from the other. 

Me: “This is simple: you’re either in or out (and I didn’t meant his relationship status), you’re either dead or alive, you’re either pregnant or not, it’s either on or off, it’s either black or white. There’s no in-betweens. There’s no gray areas here.” In other words, make up your mind. Resolve this. Figure out what you want to do.

He never replied to my above mentioned comment and I eventually erased this conversation.

The last times I contacted him was when a hurricane was possibly going to hit our state and later this past January to wish him a good new year. His messenger photo still shows the girlfriend so I didn’t touch the subject.

He didn’t talk much, as usual, other that he was “thinking of taking a work sabbatical for about 10 month”.

Me: “Huh? Having a mid-life crisis? What are you going to do, going to a monastery and turning into a monk?” He replied with a laughing emoji, but no further details.

Well, he’s in his mid 50’s, so maybe he is. Way back he had mentioned that at one point he got himself an Italian passport (because he could proof that he has Italian ancestors three generations back) and once his kids were all grown-up and independent, he was going to get the hell out of the U.S. for good and live there. So maybe this could be very well be happening.

Which got me thinking, if I had the choice of doing something like this of relocating somewhere else, would I do it? Maybe.

It would have to be with a guy, obviously, and an “opportunity you can’t refuse”. Having the means surely helps too, which is what this guy has. Hmm, why is it that he always manages to do whatever he wants to? Why not me?

Me sending him a wishful thinking text: “Hey, if you leave to Italy, can I go with you?”

 

 

 



Later on that day, I did get to rest a little by taking a nap. While my thoughts wandered into an unknown place in my mind, I started remembering certain moments from the past I had somewhat forgotten. Tears came down as I thought about them and tried to push them away.

I debated yet again if I should share them with him. A part of me felt I would look desperate if I did, while the other reminded me that, as he recently told me, “it doesn’t change anything.”

Me: “I don’t know why I’m remembering this, but there was a time when I was walking to school. You came down the street in your 2-door Fiat with the top off as always. You offered me a ride for the remainder of the trip. Was so nervous I didn’t say a word.” (And that I sat properly with my hands resting on my lap. Didn’t want the ride to end so quickly, but was more concerned about what other people would think when they saw us.)

“There was another occasion in the same car when you grabbed my hand and placed it in the shift stick. I took my hand away after some time. You then grabbed it again and placed it back. This time you held it with your hand so it would stay” (which means we were holding hands while taking a drive).

“I’m not sure if this last was the same day when you looked at me closely, made a hand gesture of moving your index finger towards you and saying ‘come here’ to me. I did with a face off ‘what?’ and then you gave me a big kiss.

The truth is that after all these years that I’ve had my own 2-door vehicle, have never been able to keep my hand off entirely when shifting gears and thinking of you when driving.

Who would have said that I would see you again. And that I would forget about you. And now you appeared again. And knowing that no matter what I feel, like you said correctly, nothing will change. Such is life.”

He made no comments to any of this. And I wasn’t expecting any, because that’s how he is. He’s one of those people that react to something by not reacting at all.

Hate to admit that the last day I saw him caused my inner-self to become unbalanced. And that’s because he’s always kept a distance much like a wall between us.

When at the apartment, when he kneeled in front of me and looked straight into my eyes, and I said that I was at peace with us (or that I’m over you), that wall came down upon him placing his hands on my knee.

He realized he was about to lose me and decided to enter my world for the first time. But that didn’t last long. When he said ‘I don’t know what to do with you’, he essentially regressed to his old self of distancing and leaving things in a limbo.

He had the chance of changing everything and didn’t take it. He made the choice of staying with the blonde.

As the weeks progressed, I kept some communication with him. I remembered out of the blue that his birth date was basically mine in reverse with a month difference.

The last time I contacted him was for the long summer weekend. Then the hurricane warnings and my birthday occurred. Nothing happened from his part considering we live on the same state.

As the storm battled my city and I survived many days without power, I took the time to allow the winds of change to set in and find my balance once more. And just like everything that got washed away, so did him and everything he represents.

He might have said things don’t change, but I did. With myself. And him. I took him out of my life with the same strength I did before. It’s the calm after the storm. It surely is.

Update: A week after the hurricane hit, on a Saturday, around 7:30 pm, I get the following text.

Him: “Hope you weathered the storm ok. Just got power and have been working on the property all day.”

I replied with a first text of summarizing that I was unable to celebrate my birthday because it was the day before the storm reached my area; that didn’t stay in my apartment during the event; that neither my home or car suffered damages; that my employer reopened the office mid-week, and I was presently getting up-to-date.

The second one read: “I’m glad you’re fine and hope your things get back to normal soon.”

Him: “Thanks. You too.”

So there it is. No surprise here, as usual.

He didn’t reach out when Maria hit, asking me how my mom was in the island, considering that because of me going to the beach with her, is how I met him, and it’s the place we both grew up and went to school together.

I know he’s not obliged to do anything. But it’s not right either. Simply said: he doesn’t care. And that’s the last memory I’ll have of him before I sign off from him for good.

“Although there’s pain in my chest, I still wish you the best, with a ‘forget you’.” – Cee Lo Green – Forget You

 



As the weeks progressed, I’ve kept in contact with this guy on and off. Our texting keeps being small-talk content, and he usually sends me a selfie with it.

Hate to admit I still think about him (which makes me be upset towards myself) and wonder why, since I already know things will never happen between us (because of the reasons stated previously), especially with the federal court case that’s pending to be presented next year.

For some reason I have to figure out yet, there’s a tiny part of me that’s still holding on, which makes me say stupid things, such as the following below. On any given Sunday, when he asks me if I was relaxing, I said:

Me: “Relax? Me? Nooo. Cleaning, cooking. Need to be doing things.”

He sends a selfie from his car with a serious/thoughtful face.

Me: “You look upset. A penny for your thoughts?”

Him: “Oh. Not upset at all. Going to see my kids.”

Me: “Ok. BTW, if you ever change your mind, my invitation is still open. Later.”

Him: “Invitation? For? To?”

Me: “You can come my way and visit me. You don’t have to wait to do so for work.”

Him: “Ohhh. Can you tame me for an entire weekend?”

Me: “I think I can.”

The texting ended there for the day. Wondered if he’s thinking about it.

A few days later on Thursday, I send him a TBT image of me like twenty-something years ago.

Him: “So pretty” (I reply with a smiling emoji). “So what are you up to?”

Me: “Thinking of you.”

Him: “Sweet” (he then sends me his selfie).

Me: “At home? Guess you’re thinking of me too.”

Him: “Very often.”

Me: “Awww” (romantic sound effect, please).

The next day:

Him: “Happy Friday.”

Me: “You too!” (smiley emoji). “Wish you were here.”

Him: “I can’t go anywhere right now with all my kids around.”

Me: “What if I come to you? My BFF says she has a GF your way that she wants to go visit and suggested both going together by car.”

Him: “Well, at present, if you recall, I am seeing someone.”

Me: “I knew you would say no. Gave it a try anyway. One can only hope.”

Him: “At this stage it probably wouldn’t be a great idea, although I would love to see you. I’m just being honest.”

Me: “I know you are. No worries.”

I may be hanging on to false expectations, but I think this situation of him with the blonde will not last.

It’s not that I’m wishing for it in a bad way because I’m jealous or something. But after learning about this guy’s recent relationships history, one can only conclude that this will be the result. It’s one of those feelings you have that can’t shake off.

Of course, I could be wrong. Wouldn’t be surprised if these two ended together in the long run. I learned way back that with this guy, anything is possible.

Except with me. In other words: anything is not always possible with this guy.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 



{September 25, 2017}   Looking Back 64 – Who are you?

After he left for the day, I went for my usual weekend routine of going for a walk and getting ready for the new work week. Have to admit I was still thinking about him, mostly because this encounter was different from any contact we’ve had before and recently.

I get this text sometime around 7pm: “It was nice seeing you.”

Me: “Likewise.” I believe he also made a comment of ‘you should have come to the hotel’. Oh boy. No, not happening.

Next day he sent another text while on my morning commute.

Him: “Have a good day at work!”

Me: “You too! Have a safe travel back.”

Him: “Thank you.”

I checked up on him some hours later.

Me: “Back home?”

Him: “Just landed. Can I contact you?”

Me: “Sure. Including calling me.”

Him: “Yes.”

We didn’t text the next few days. He was still present in my thoughts, but was having this feeling that there was something more to him. So I did what I do with all other guys before him, which was to look him up online.

I hadn’t finished typing his full name when I see the keywords of ‘arrest’ and ‘mug shot’ appear on the search screen.

My eyes opened wide, stayed frozen for a few minutes, all while this rush of emotions went up and down my whole being.

I opened one of the newspaper articles and there it was: basically he was involved with medical fraud and was arrested for it. There were many details to read through, including the mention of an expensive vehicle used as payback (that was eventually taken away), and that the case is set to be seen in court on January of next year.

I had no idea what to think about all this, except that everything now made sense. That the fancy car I first saw him with had to be the one mentioned. That his involvement got him the money to pay for all those toys he has. That his excuses for not getting involved with me was maybe to keep me away from this.

For about 2 days, I asked myself if he was really capable of doing this. Or how on earth he got himself in this problem when he’s supposed to be smart, when it has been proven over and over that if you get involved with something like this, the results and consequences can be really nasty.

I wanted to confront him, but didn’t know how. So I did the usual of sending a random text message and waited for him to ask me how I was doing.

Me: “Umm. Don’t know how to say this. Yesterday I found out about the big mess you got yourself into. I’m still in shock about it.”

Him: “Are you referring to the federal indictment?”

Me: “Of all the people I’ve known, I never thought you would pull a stunt like that.”

Him: “No kidding. Me neither. I got dragged into it from the people I was working with. All the counts have been dropped, but one. Still working with the authorities on this.”

Me: “The media says the case will be seen next year and that you could go to jail.”

Him: “There’s always that possibility.”

Me: “You have no idea how hard this has hit me. I would have preferred you telling me the day we saw each other, than finding out over the internet.”

Him: “It’s not worth worrying about. Worrying doesn’t change anything.”

Another few days later, as it usually happens when I have ongoing guy matters, my BF asks me to join her for dinner.

After giving her a semi high-speed summary of my history with this guy until the present, to then turn into a full-blown drama queen when describing the moment of discovery, when she says:

BF: “He’s gay?”

Me: “No!”

Another few more seconds of suspense, and…

BF: “He’s married.”

Me: “No!”

When I finally tell her, she gave me a face of ‘holy shit; that’s bad!’

BF: “He didn’t say anything because he was protecting you” (could be).

Me: “I still think he should have been open about it with me.”

BF: “Hello! You hadn’t seen him for, what, 3 years? Did you honestly expect that he was going to drop this ball on you??”

Later in the evening when trying to sleep, I reflected on what she said about this guy protecting me. There was a part that wanted to believe this, while another couldn’t fathom that in as little as 6 months from now, his whole life could go on a standstill.

Whatever his reasons might be, the hard reality that I have to face is this: neither before, today, or after, him and I are not destined to be together. Ever.

 

 

 

 

 



{September 18, 2017}   Looking Back 63 – Turning point

It was inevitable to revert back to the past. I mentioned again (don’t know what number this was) that I didn’t understand his behavior towards me of being super nice at the beach, to then ignore me at school.

Him: “I’ve always done things my way outside the box, you know that. Always low key, especially now with work. That’s why I hate social media. No need for people to know what I do” (there wasn’t anything low key about all those photos you showed me before of the many toys you have, including several cars, an RV, boat, etc.).

Me: “Yes, at school you were in your zone (more like having a wall in front of you), always studying (that you used to have people afar). You only took part in minimal activities. When it had to do with an effort that involved everyone in your class, like a sketch for the Pep Rally, you cooperated. If not, no.”

I was wondering if he at least would say ‘sorry for that’, but no. Still the same on that.

We returned home and continued the conversation. We were sitting on my sofa, when he suddenly got down on both knees, putting his arms on top of my legs, looking at me with his face very close to mine. I was as calm as I’ve ever been.

Him: “I don’t know what to do about you” (if you like what you see, you should put a ring on it).

Me: “Well, since you said the distance is an issue and don’t want me putting too many miles on my leased car, I guess nothing will happen. You keep saying all these nice things about me, but don’t do anything afterwards.”

Him: “Distance is a problem” (wrong answer buzzer sound effect). I gave him a look of ‘you know that’s not it.’

“I have a problem with being committed” (buzzer again. You were married for over 15 years; what do you call that?).

“Truth is, I need someone that wants to be with me for what I am and can put up with my schedule, not be attracted by this supposed lifestyle that I have. They hear about the fancy things my clients have and think I will tag them along when working, but that’s not how it goes” (‘ding ding ding’ sound effect).

Me: “You need a woman that can hold her own, is independent, and comfortable with her life and space when she’s not with you” (which is pretty much me, don’t you think?).

We kept looking at each other like those movie scenes where you wonder when the decisive moment will occur.

Me: “I’m at peace, Frank. That’s all you need to know. I’m fine with my life, past, you and me, the blonde you’re seeing. Like I said before, if that’s what you want, go for it.”

Him (while now looking away): “Her?? I sort of feel guilty being here. She’s a nice girl… (and other complements).”

Me: “But you’re not that into her. (He gave me a look that I was right on this one. Of course I am. If he was serious about her, he wouldn’t be texting or sending selfies every time we communicate, saying how beautiful I am, even less trying to see me every time he’s in town.)

If you and I tried being together, we would have to start from scratch. Put the past behind and deal with the now. Correction, I need to do that. That would be the only way if there was ever a chance.

You have to figure out what you want for yourself. Including her. And I’m not upset with you. Not any more. If you can’t be with me, or don’t want to, that’s up to you.”

Sometime later, I walked him to my apartment complex gate. The limo was parked outside waiting for him. I hugged and kissed him good-bye, much like that day at the school’s assembly when I wondered if I would ever see him again.

So what do I think the ending to all this will be? My forecast is this: he’ll stay with the blonde. When he realizes that it’s me that he really wants, he will come back, only to find me with someone else.

Because that’s how the universe works. It gives you a number of chances to make things right. But if you base your decisions on anything except love, then it will take away what you took for granted.

He will get his boat, that’s for sure. And will sail away wondering what his life would have been if he hadn’t let me go.

It’s “certain as the sun, rising in the east. Song as old as rhyme. Tale as old as time. Ever just as sure, as the sun will rise.” – Beauty and the Beast

 

 

 

 

 



et cetera