The New M.E. Generation











After the hurricane period ended and all went back to normal, I also went back to my normal self, including not thinking about this guy. The storm had been a very close call, and people in general were hoping there would be no more activity for the few months left of the season.

Nothing happened, thankfully, and the year ended quietly with the usual celebrations. But then the year started on a sour note: the tragic death of a famous basketball player.

The helicopter he was flying on crashed into some mountains shortly after departing, and everyone on board perished.

Of course, the conspiracy theories about foul play quickly emerged, but I only paid attention to the technical aspects of it. I felt that if this indeed was no accident, the truth would come up, especially having to do with a beloved celebrity.

I thought the topic would be an excuse to touch base with the guy for a few messages. When I sent the initial one I just asked him to give me the mechanical reason that caused the aircraft to fail.

He provided me with an aviation term and included an internet link about the topic. I started reading through the source; my plan was just to get the information that I wanted.

But, as expected, he didn’t stop there. He sent me a newspaper article with a headline making reference that the illuminati was behind this.

“Oh, boy; here we go again,” I said to myself. The remaining of the so-called “light” thing went up in smoke, literally. This guy’s religious fanaticism had gotten worse and I was not having any of it.

Me: “I just wanted to get a technical explanation. Not interested in reading any of this. Besides, it won’t change anything. It’s not bringing the deceased person back.”

He started rambling things about this group that I didn’t care to listen to. I knew where this was going: he wanted to be the one with the “last word”, meaning, position himself as the one who thinks knows more than me, that the one in control of the conversation was him, that me not listening/accepting his views made me a ‘persona non grata’.

I politely replied my same position as before two more times, but he refused to let it go.

Him: “There’s no worse blind person than that who doesn’t want to see or deaf person who doesn’t want to listen. Nothing different. Always the same thing.”

And just like that, the truth about him came out wide and clear: he hasn’t changed who he is or his feelings towards me.

Me: “I listen to what I want to listen and see what I want to see. You don’t tell me what to do with my life. I am very fine with myself. You, on the other hand, still being the same fanatic. Good luck with that. Goodbye.”

Right then and there, I blocked and deleted his contact information. ‘Time to take out the trash,’ said I to myself.

And just like that I felt free, very free. I haven’t breathed like that for a long time. Now I knew that this was the final end and couldn’t be any happier.

You know why he’s still mad at me? Because he doesn’t influence me any more, I didn’t swallow his lies, and he was never able to use me (unlike like he did of banging the bestie and the bitch, all the while these two women still took him back whenever he reappeared).

In other words, he hates the fact that I stood my ground and didn’t let him ‘win’.

As the year has progressed, getting rid of the bad stuff has served me well. Positive things are happening and the future looks promising. The whole experience has taught me that I need to be more confident of myself and that listening to others is not always the best thing to do. And that sometimes what you think you need, you already have.

“Because whatever you want, it already inside of you.” – Frigidaire Tango “Recall



After the close call with the hurricane, the communication with this guy became almost non-existent.

I did reach out to him to share the trailer for the second installment of an aviation-related movie, which original production was presented during our college years.

Because his career major and present employment have to do with airplanes, it became a huge hit among the students.

Me: “I remember your story of students having their car windows down at the parking lot, playing the tape simultaneously full-blast.”

The influence of the movie wasn’t only to this market segment, it influenced fashion, pop music, and even creating interests (and an increase of recruits) for the armed forces.

It even had an effect on me. When I visited him during my spring break, it gave me a whole other respect to what he was studying. Seeing his school was like being present on this sacred place that was developing talents that someday would follow the steps as those characters portrayed in the movie.

But again, his replies felt like he wanted to be the one having the last word.

I get it, he’s the aviation expert. And like I said, to get the best experience is seeing it at the movies. If not, renting it will do, just like back then. But his tone felt that there’s no buts or ifs about it; the big screen or nothing!

That may be so, but nowadays things are different. Many people have a home entertainment center, are subscribed to streaming services, movie channels, or other similar portals that give you access to watching them almost at the same time as theaters.

And still if you have none of that, you can rent the DVD (back then it was a videocassette) for a very affordable price. Even if you’re one of those that have basic cable, just wait a year and I guarantee you it will be shown on TV.

Don’t get me wrong, I think you should support your local businesses. But the cost of the ticket, food and drinks have increased so much it’s no fun any more when you have other options.

I understand his argument, but I’m on this one because of the nostalgia. (As a matter of fact, they’re showing the original on TV as we speak, as a way to promote the new one – and bring back your memories as well).

Oh, the memories… Those of my hairstyle, clothes, and everything else that represented me back then. More than anything, I’m longing for when we were best friends, when we got each other’s back even in distance, when he said he wouldn’t allow anything in his life to tear our friendship apart.

So where did the last part go? It went from the big screen, to the small screen, to the blank screen. Total blackout.



Don’t know how many more days passed before I finally decided to give my former friend a call. And then after that, it was deciding what to say if, one, he answered the call or, two, if the call went to voicemail.

To be honest, I was hoping for the second. The feeling was that it wouldn’t be a “light” conversation and that worried me.

I looked at the number on my phone after so long and it was eerie. (Me thinking to myself: “this is a mistake.”) Still, I hit the dial button and repeated in my mind “don’t pick up, don’t pick up!”

Lucky me, he didn’t. The call went to those automated systems that only give you a person’s name and/or number, and then the beep.

“Hey, it’s Emma. Just calling to say hello. Wish all is well with you. Hope we talk soon. Bye.” Wow, this sounded even more automated than the system itself.

I think I got a text response from him about a day later. “I got your message. Thanks for calling. Give me a few days to get my workdays in order and I’ll call you back.” (My bestie had mentioned that his work schedule is not the usual ‘Monday to Friday’, so to be patient.) Hmm, maybe this is a blessing in disguise.

Fact is, he never got back to me, which was no surprise. And I was glad. I reached out to him and that was it. It’s done. No hard feelings here, just relief.

Some months later during hurricane season, the state was on the projected path of a great storm that would hit upward right through the middle, and if it did as estimated, the results were to be very devastating.

Because this guy’s mother also lives in my state (and I have nothing against her, besides the fact that she’s an elderly woman with certain health conditions), I thought the right thing to do was to reach out to him.

Me: “Don’t know in what stage your mom is at regarding preparedness, but I assume you will spend the storm days with her. Hope all goes well. Let me know if there’s anything I can do for both of you.”

Him (some hours later): “You read my mind. I was about to write you and learn how you all are doing down there. Have been to my mother’s already and she’s all set. But I have to be back where I live because of work.”

Luckily for the state, the hurricane didn’t hit directly, but some areas experienced heavy rain and winds. I reached out to him again as a courtesy follow-up, like I said before, mostly because of his mother.

There were some back-and-forth messaging, reiterating again that I was available to help in whatever possible capacity.

He kept thanking me for everything, which is a trait of him that I was glad he hadn’t changed on. He’s the type of person that when he thanks you, even for the smallest of things, he really means it. He won’t say it because of manners or common sense, unlike the majority of people that I know.

The other thing he hadn’t changed on, but I don’t like, was that there was always a reply to my messages, even when I was trying to conclude the conversation (“TTUL, etc.”). There was this underlying feeling that he wanted to have the last word, be in control of the conversation, and decide how the interaction between both parts would be. And it was giving me a bad vibe.

It was actually taking me back to a place I didn’t want to be. So after I sent my last message I deleted the whole thing. And when I saw that he again replied, I deleted it without reading it. Enough already!

After that day, I decided not to contact him again. It may have been a “light” conversation, but had it been through the phone, I don’t think it would have stayed in just the hurricane topic.

Even more, let’s say that something had happened on my end and I was affected, he would have maybe reached out to me because that’s his character, not because he was really concerned about my wellbeing. And that’s a sad thing to say, but it’s how I feel.

But, hey, I feel the same towards him. After 5 years of non-communication, still being blocked on his social media, plus the cold treatment of not wanting to talk about me, why should I care about him?

A long time ago he taught me that when a guy wasn’t worth it, to basically “get rid of him”, so I did.

“You have learned well, grasshopper.” -Kung Fu

 

 



A few days after the intermediary and the other guy situation leveled down, I was contemplating whether I should try giving my former friend a call.

On one hand I was sort of trusting what my bestie was saying about him and his “lighter” demeanor. On the other, after 5 years of non-communication and tensions still there, is a friendship comeback really worth the effort?

I was at a point in my life that I had written him off completely. The only thing that was left was all the memories we once shared.

Oh, the memories, the good times… Those sweet innocent moments lingering in your mind that makes you feel special and longing for them to happen again. And that’s where the problem is!

What is the thing that people have kept telling me I should do regarding anything personal to me? “Put your past behind!”

Having said that, he definitely is still stuck there; that’s why he “doesn’t want to talk about me”. And I’m definitely because, although he’s “non-existent” in my life, I haven’t forgotten what he did. I’ve kept it “present” as a hard-learned lesson for the now and later.

And when you tell yourself that the good outweighs the bad (and that’s maybe enough to give a comeback a try), all you’re doing is creating this fairy-tale fantasy only seen in movies, where all that joined you before will magically bring you back together again and all is forgiven and forgotten.

Reality is that it wasn’t just one incident that caused the end of the friendship. It started building up until it exploded. Its impact was so strong that all that comes to mind is that unforgiving moment and everything else gets put aside. In other words, there’s no “lighter” side to this.

And when it does,  there’s no second chances here, no “if things have happened differently”, no “maybe there was a misunderstanding”, no “you’re going to lose your friendship over this?”, no “you shouldn’t be so drastic “. The first time should have been the last time.

So back into the phone call. There’s a part of me that’s saying to do it and “get it over with”, while another feels that “it won’t change anything.” Decisions, decisions.

What the hell. What else can I loose that I haven’t already? 10 minutes of my life that I will never get back? Yep, pretty much.



I will start by saying that anyone who becomes an intermediary, middle man, negotiator of any kind (whether intentional or not) where at least two people are involved, are in a really bad position. Thus the term “love triangle”; that person usually is in-between a messy situation created by the other two that shouldn’t be there in the first place.

Case in point, this guy and me. Whether my bestie is trying to make some sense of me with this guy or me hoping that she can manage to bring back the friendship in some miraculous way, the thing is that being the third part of the polygon is a painful point that no one should be hit with.

I admit it was a mistake from my part to have her be in this position. When this guy kept saying he didn’t want to talk about the ending of our friendship, in spite that he supposedly “doesn’t hate me”, the message was clear that he was not willing to put down his guard and neither was I.

The tension was alive and well, so much that I told her that if we ever talked again and he regressed back to attacking me verbally, all hell was going to break loose from my side. I made it very clearly I wasn’t going to put up with it again. That if he was willing to have a conversation without going to the past, then maybe a new starting point could happen.

I wanted to believe from her that he was “lighter” in his character, but when I tried to connect with him via text as a start (because social media blocking was still in effect)  and got no response from him, I immediately took a step back and let her know.

I didn’t ask her to intervene, but the back-and-forth was already happening, so indirectly she was forced to.

She was making screenshots of the texting she was having with him regarding the telephone blocking (don’t know why because I trust her word). Apparently the bitch had managed to get into his phone and do it (damn her!), and as soon as he corrected it on his phone, ta-da! All good!

The other mistake I did was that while all this was happening, I was also sending text messages to another guy (not mentioned in this site yet) with whom I also had a fallout. With this second, it was one of those situations that I had no business getting into and instead got myself into deep water.

Although it was all my fault, I deleted him on everything until my emotions leveled down. And I took the courage to write him an apology of how wrong I was, that I don’t like ending things with people on a bad note, and that I would understand if he never spoke to me again.

All the while tears were coming down non-stop. Why? Because it always has to do with a guy. Because she had gotten back with him and I… whatever. Because it has been 5 years since all unraveled and any hope of things being again what they once were was long lost.

Then with the other man, while texting him “I know you probably don’t want to know anything about me” (“I’m not a monster”, said he), and him realizing later that I had unfriended him (he: “why did you do that?”, me: “because I was upset”), on a conversation that ended by him saying that he had feelings for me, but was not in love, (“I’m sorry I can’t feel any different. I don’t have a button. I wished it would be different. You’re a great woman and deserve good.), I reconnected and promised myself never to treat him the way I did ever again.

And then it hit me. Notice the contradiction between these two men? While my ex-friend still had me blocked on social media, who acted like a monster towards me at the end of the friendship and was unwilling to discuss me, this other person has never blocked me, listened to what I had to say, and has no hard feelings towards me in spite of my actions. He did what my former friend never did: gave me a second chance and recognized the good I have within me.

And “the intermediary”? She did what she could within the rules of engagement, up to encouraging me to give my ex-friend a call, knowing of course that this was a shot fired straight into the air. Where will it fall? Let’s see.

 



Turns out that she and this guy had reconnected for a longer time than from when she had let me know. She asked me not say anything to anyone else, because his visits to our hometown were occurring more frequently and more extended in length. Her: “I still have feelings for him…”

WTH? What kind of “feelings” are those? Lack of self-respect? Self-esteem? After all the things he’s done to you, like lying, using and then dumping you to go back to the bitch, you think it’s fine to be with him again without even taking into account all the history involved here?

And I thought I was the one with guy issues! But after looking at this scenario, I haven’t done that bad, you know why? Because I’ve behaved exactly as this guy had taught me: to get rid of men or people that are useless/worthless in my life (“¡eso no sirve!”). Did anybody said “toxic relationship”? Exactly…

When before he would maybe spend a day or a few hours before departing to get back to the states, a long distance relationship was already in place, up to the point that he had left some personal items at her home to have in case he needed them.

Even more, when he needed to retrieve some items out of his storage space that he shared with the bitch, and take his name out of the lease agreement for good, he asked her to accompany him where he used to live previously with that woman.

I expressed to her that I was concerned about him using her again to get his problems solved, to which she disagreed. For him, it was more that in case the bitch showed up at the location at the same time as he (which happened), he didn’t wanted to face her by himself because she already had a new man (which she did).

For her, it was that in case the bitched showed up, that this person would see that this guy and her were back together. It was a “look who’s back, bitch” moment that she very much looked forward to.

Her: “When that bitch saw me, her jaw dropped! She couldn’t believe I was there, to the point she didn’t say a word, which is rare! She later called this guy’s mother to complain and the mom told her to basically go f*ck herself and never call again!”

After this incident, he accompanied her to a wedding and became more participant in other events she had.

Her: “Ever since these two broke up, he has become more ‘light’; he finally recognized that it was a bad relationship. And he’s less of a religious fanatic.” She was very convinced of this, but when I looked at some photos she shared of them traveling and else, I was getting another vibe. His body language might read ‘lighter’, but he didn’t look like he was a changed man.

Case in point, every time the conversation as to why our friendship abruptly ended came up, he would tell her “I don’t want to talk about it” with a tone that it was a non-negotiable topic. That he “didn’t hated me”, but I was still blocked on his phone and social media.

So “light” he isn’t. If he’s waiting for me to come out and apologize to him, or try to take the first step into trying to salvage the damage done so I look like the one who is at fault here, it ain’t happening! He’s still upset with me because I’m standing up to him and that bothers him.

And after 5 years on non-communication between him and me, the forecast doesn’t look good. If neither of us is willing to consider a peace treaty, the war between us will continue, unless someone else takes the step of holding the olive branch and do it.

 

 



“When are you coming back?” asked the woman.

“I don’t know. This is my first time in Cuba,” replied I.

“Do you like it?”, asked she.

“For being the first one, it has been a unique experience, very interesting,” replied I.

“Cuba is not what it used to be,” said she.

“That I knew,” said I.

“This is, well, a system different from that of the past,” continued she. “Those who didn’t live it can’t adapt to it. If it is someone like you, you don’t know what it used to be. Cuba was a golden cup, a jewel. Those who know it, like me, who were born and raised here, and are now facing old age, have seen the changes.

When the afternoon ends, everyone goes home, and there’s this huge sadness. The youth by instinct is always searching for something; they go out walking, dancing, make noise. But it’s not like before; at 10pm, the ‘it’ people would go out to enjoy the nightlife. The cabarets would open, the tycoons would appear; they came from abroad,” said she.

She looked away, probably reminiscing a long time past. She even placed her index finger to her mouth as a sign of silence. This I have heard before; it signifies that ‘I shouldn’t be saying much further about this topic, as I might get into trouble.’

All I could do is look at her, smile sadly, and make a gesture of ‘I understand.’ But deep inside of me it was heartbreaking.

Sitting in that apartment was like a place almost frozen in time. This must have been a gorgeous home in its glory days, but unfortunately is not that any more.

After my meeting with the woman, I took a walk around the area and sat down in a bench in a shaded area. I looked at the people walking by, the surroundings, buildings.

It was my fourth day on this island and still feeling surreal that I was there. It was one of being on a strange place, mixed with that you’ve been here before. Maybe the similarities to my home country made me feel that way. Maybe I’ve been here in another life.

And then I asked myself, what would have happened if my marriage had been lived in this place, since my ‘x’ and family are from here?

Honestly, I think it would have been more miserable. Being in someone else’s turf would have made my existence even worse. The rules of engagement, the expectations; everything would have been at a much higher level to attain, probably unachievable.

Some of my ‘x’ in-laws would have taken advantage that I was on my own, with no friends and family to rely upon, to tear me apart, just like they did.

And my x’s infidelities would have been the talk of the town. I would have felt helpless, numb, and not knowing what to do, other than suck it up and hope that it would all go away without much damage.

All the issues and situations that lead to the divorce would have been the same, but in a different scale. It would have been a more painful and difficult experience.

Would have I stayed when I became single? Probably I would have debated it like I did before. Would have taken my time, traveled, did things the way I wanted, like discovering a new world within the only one that I knew.

I would have opted to not running away from my reality, but instead proving to myself that I had the capacity to bounce back and overcome anything that I faced. That it was time to live life the way it should be, on my own terms. Just like I did.

Just like sitting on this bench and making this trip. I was told ‘no’ so many times by my ‘x’ (and now ex-friend) that I couldn’t do certain things, to which it only fueled my desire to prove them wrong. They’re not here to see it, but they will know it about one day. It will be a message of ‘how did she do that?’ They will see a side of me they didn’t care to see.

Who knows, maybe I would have made the decision of staying at that bench. After you become single again, you have to regain your place within yourself and the earth, and I believe I have accomplished that.

Maybe one of the reasons for making this trip (without me realizing it until now), was that I needed this question to be answered.

Perhaps it was meant for me to have come to this island because there’s still some sides of me that I yet have to recover, or uncover, and this place will be the vehicle for that.

I will definitely be back. The universe is telling me that I have to.

Maybe I was indeed here in another existence. Maybe I need to make more history of my own in this lifetime. And it’s looking pretty good right from where I’m sitting now.



“Let’s wrap this up,” said she. “Contrary to what you think, I feel the next year will be favorable.”

“So in the long run I will get married again?” asked I. She gives me a look of ‘no’. “No?? I’m not getting married again??”

“You will have (male) friends,” said she.

“But no marriage??” asked I again. “No??  Wow…” said I disappointed. (There will be two guys, and plenty others, but not one that will be ‘the one’? Dammit!!) “Will I at least be living with someone?”

“That’s something else. We all the need to be with somebody. That’s the same as the need to eat. We all want to have a good partner, even just to fight with, to be at our side,” said she.

“But the marriage part is not showing in the cards?” asked I.

“No. I still see the two guys; they’re not bad men,” said she.

“I’m not sure as of who these two are,” said I. “I was going out with someone until recently. But one day to the next, puff, he was gone. He later said that he was going through a divorce, that he has issues to work on. And I told him I wasn’t going to be his friend or anything since he already took me out of his life,” continued I.

“You will see that one,” continued she. (Not interested in that. I really hope he doesn’t even cross my path by accident.) “The stars incline, but do not oblige. You understand? A change will occur.” (That may well be, but I’m not changing my mind.)

“There’s a woman looking for you who envies you,” repeated her again. “She’s asking herself where you are, what’s your whereabouts. She has her man and that man had something to do with you. He had her, now he’s back with her. She knows who you are.”

“That’s the guy who’s isolated? I know a guy who used to be my lifelong friend. We were never a couple or had anything together. We were friends since adolescence,” replied I.

“He was living with a woman, he broke up with her, then was trying to get romantically involved with me, at the same time that he was seeing an ex-girlfriend of his without him telling me,” continued I.

“He later went back to that woman he had been living with. And that woman, she knows who that ex-girlfriend and I are,” said I. “She’s constantly searching what the ex-girlfriend and I are doing; she spends her whole day on that. More like obsessed. She hates that this guy and I were such close friends. She has bad intentions. She hates both of us.”

“She doesn’t have good intentions,” said the woman. “Look at these two cards, they keep showing up; they’re the most important ones. You will have good health foremost, men, job stability, a home, success. You will need to feel good about what you have.

People that are not well are those who are in a hospital or just want to stab you on the back. You know how to defend yourself. It might all not be what you hope for, but things will move forward.”

“So that guy might come back to… ask me for forgiveness?” asked I.

“‘Para comer mierda’ (to talk bullshit)”, replied she. “That’s it,” said she with a face of ‘that’s not happening’. “Know you know,” continued she. (So I was right all along. He might come back, but only to continue with his game of trying to trick me again.)

“So there’s two guys who will look for me?” asked I again to reconfirm.

“Yes, they want you, but to get what they want for their own benefit, not what you want,” answered she. (Of course…) “But, yet again, you never know; ‘matrimonio y mortaja, del cielo baja’ (marriage and shroud come down from the sky) as some would say. You might turn a corner and find someone. At first glance you might look at him and say ‘no’, but afterwards, who knows,” said she.

“But there’s still some time before that happens, right?” asked I. “Yes, some time,” replied she.

“So the marriage is not happening?” asked I again. “If not, there’s still the ‘juntera’ (coming together with someone),” said she.

“And the home will be to live with someone? And the kids?” asked I. “The children could be ‘postizos’ (belonging to someone else). I see children with you. You might not have the marriage, but other things will happen,” said she.

“So regarding that woman, you said she is sort of a witch. She’s thinking about me all the time,” said I. “‘Te tiene atravesada’ (someone who has pierced right through you),” replied she.

“And she tried to do some witchcraft on me? Has anything that she’s done caused any effect?” asked I. “She planted it (she lay the seeds). That she lay the foundation, she did. I saw it on the cards. Of course it has had some effect on you, even on your thoughts. Remember that the mind is very powerful,” said the woman.

“So what she wants from me is to…” said I. “Disappear. She wants you off her path,” replied she.

“I’m a threat to her, like you said,” continued I. “I live 4 hours away from this guy’s mother’s home. That’s what she feels threatened about. If it happens that the guy goes visit his mom, I can go there and see him.”

“That guy only wants from you to go out, dance, have a good time. Nothing else,” concluded she.

So there you have it. A guy who said that he wouldn’t allow anything or anyone (meaning the bitch) to come between our friendship, went back to a woman (who he said over and over that ‘she was on the side of the devil’) who wears her panties inside out (to which he referred to ‘a stupid thing to do’) as a way to ‘protect’ herself from someone else casting witchcraft on her.

He let go of my bestie and me to be with someone who wants me to go away, as in dead? You call this being religious, loving others? And you will come back just to bullshit me? Forget that!

Let me tell you this: any woman who does this underwear thing is disgusting. Her clothes are likely to be so stained that they deserve getting burned. She tried to do me harm, but in life, all comes back to you, and she will be the one that burns in hell in the end. Not even a chastity belt will save her.

Not only that, she’s a coward. If you are so confident about what you’re doing (the witchcraft, panties), why are you making equal effort to ‘protect’ yourself? Why do you keep throwing stones and hiding your hands?

Even more, she has less than zero self-esteem. Any woman who has been dumped by a guy who was behaving badly with other women for almost 2 years, when he was supposedly trying to save the relationship, and accepts him back like nothing has happened, is doing a disservice to herself.

You’re communicating that it’s okay to go back with a toxic guy who hated you and never loved your child, talked endless trash behind your back, and even was unfaithful to you with more women that you’ll ever know.

It has nothing to do with religion, faith, or getting what you want. It’s called having no love or respect for oneself. Is selling yourself short. It’s saying that there’s nothing better for you out there other than this person.

Is witchcraft all you’ve got? Yep, it is. You may have forgiven him, but you won’t forget that he left you once and can do it again, and dislikes your child to the max. How much? This guy once wanted to beat the living daylights out of your son, remember?

And if he hasn’t married you by now, he never will. You’re the one who should cast some crappy spell on yourself and disappear out of my life, including him.

And this goes to my ex-friend as well, of whom I remember never saying anything good about you, other than he liked ‘having a hot woman waiting for him at home when he got back from work’. This is not a woman you love, but merely a whore in disguise that you use to your convenience.

“I pity the fool that falls in love with you. / (Oh shit she’s a gold digger) / Well (Just thought you should know nigga) / (Ooooooh) / I’ve got some news for you / Fuck you and fuck her too. / And although there’s pain in my chest, I still wish you the best with a… / Fuck you! / (Ooh, ooh, ooh)” –Cee Lo Green, Forget You

All things (good and bad) must come to an end and this is it for me and this guy. I’ve said all that I needed to say and I’m glad it’s over.

I lost a friend, gained a new one; been lied upon, found the truth; been falsely accused, found the real person within me; been cast a bad spell, received blessings from above.

I may not get all that I wish for as the spiritual lady said, but I have health, friends, a home, job, family.

Yes, the lady is right: I’m lucky in more ways than one. I have all that I need and it seems the best is yet to come. I will be grateful for everything (as she said I should) and can only look forward to what the future is holding for me.

It’s all a matter of how well you shuffle and play your deck of cards. That’s it. The end.



“A good fortune awaits you at the end of this year or the beginning of the next. A good development,” said the spiritual woman. “What type of development?” asked I. “That you will have a job, health, will travel,” replied she.  “That’s having good luck. Some people don’t have a job or might be sick in a hospital. There’s people in this town that just want to run you over.”

“You’re a woman with luck. You didn’t have children because destiny didn’t want you to,” continued she. “We drag with us the last stage we had on earth. There’s people that did bad things in their last one. Now you pay for what you did before. We come to reap what we sow.”

“I see a very good end and start of the new year, said she. “You will remember that I told you so. A good year primarily with health, work, developments, activities.”

“I also see that you’re going to meet a short guy,” continued she. Dammit! She’s referring to a rebound guy I briefly dated that dumped me about a month before this trip. Won’t get into details (that’s for the next story), but will say I did get to tell him how I felt about it all.

“Right now you think about love,” said she. “Yes, because I wish I had someone,” replied I. “There’s one you know that has a light tanned skin. And there’s the older man. I don’t know if this one is blonde or gray haired. They will come to help you ‘trotar en el caballo’ (ride the horse) as some would say,”continued she in a laughing tone. (Ride in what sense? Sound so politically incorrect.)

“I’ve met many men, but none lasts,” said I. “In here nobody cares about anyone. Nobody wants anything with anyone; nobody gives anything to anyone,” said she. (Sad, but true.)

“Like I said, favorable changes come your way towards the end and start of the year,” continued she. “Lots of men.” “Oh, okay…” said I unsure as to whether to feel joy or scared. “That’s good, isn’t it?” asked she laughing again. (I guess so…) “But ‘the one’ won’t happen yet, right?” asked I.

“What I want is to have a home with someone…,” continued I. “Not be alone when you get to be old age. That won’t happen,” said she. “You will have much success, many developments in your life; that’s what the cards are showing. This is how the end of your life will look like. You will achieve what you want,” continued she.

“Instead of lacking one, you will have two,” said she. “What, kids?” asked I. “No, friends. They’re interested in you, but just want to have fun, drink, conversation. (She holds up the two cards with male figures that represents them.) They will give you some distraction and you won’t be alone. There’s one that’s a liar, tells lots of lies,” continued she. (Are we back to my ex-friend who definitely is?)

“All the guys I meet, they tell you lots of stories. They’re with you and then disappear. They end up giving you all these excuses. No one wants to be in a committed relationship,” said I. “No one wants anything with anyone. Nobody wants to be responsible for you. Nobody wants to give you anything. To get something from you or get confortable with, yes, anything else, no,” said she.

“You will be better off next year. It will be an adventurous one,” continued she. “That man with the grey hair, he’s waiting for you. You know his mom who’s from another country.” (Wait, are we talking about my ex-friend and his mother? He’s not old, but the grey hair, excess weight, and else makes him look way older beyond his actual age.)

“That older man, he’s from abroad. This is the one. He has a tanned skin, but not so dark. Has good hair. He’s the one whose got your back. You know him.” continued she. (I do? Does she mean American?) “There’s some older men who want to get comfy with a younger woman. We get to a point in our lives that we open up ‘las tendederas’ (the clothes line; that we put ourselves out there). There will be two guys with you at the same time, the young and the older one.” (Hip hip hooray?)

“And you mentioned that I have a friend who is isolated who will come back. Isolated means that he’s in a bad environment?”, asked I.

“Being isolated is one thing. It means that he’s in a location far from you,” replied she. (That may be so, but truth is he has chosen to isolate and distance himself from those who cared about him and only associates with people that only share his views. And that bitch is in part responsible for it. He’s not in a healthy environment at all.)

“You have thoughts about love. Which one do you love? That one you don’t see? The old one?” asked she.

So confused about who’s who here. I’m not seeing anyone and not interested in seeing my ex-friend again. If it’s someone new, then I will have to wait and ‘see’ what the fuzz is all about.

My bestie believes this guy will one day reappear. She’s willing to listen to him, but I’m not, especially if he comes back looking for us after he breaks up with the bitch. That’s the only way it will happen because he now knows my bestie and I are friends. So that game of lies and playing around with us like he did before is over. Everything now will be under our rules.

The reason why I’m not interested in listening to him is because he always told me that ‘uno no es plato de segunda mesa’ (one is not a second serving table), meaning, no rebound guys, or guys that date and dump you, later wanting to come back with you after they had been with someone else.

My feeling is that if I allow him to talk to me, he might say he was wrong, etc., but will quickly turn things around to blame me for ending the relationship, preach his religious fanaticism and all else, to which I will abruptly end the conversation and block him again.

On the other hand, I might let him. I want him to see that him not wishing me well (or ‘te veo mal’) for not doing what he demanded I should do, including forgiving my ex-husband, has turned out the opposite way: my life became better without you.

I may still be missing a significant other, but have lived life on my own terms, forgiving only myself, and with no regrets. My inner peace has increased and find joy in doing things that challenge me, like traveling to Cuba.

I will tell him, “you’re the one who’s wrong. All that negativity and bad wishes didn’t affect me a bit. I don’t care what you have to say now or later. I don’t need you. Please go away.” I will close the door on him and whatever else that represented this long gone friendship. I will apply to him exactly what he taught me.

I’ve learned my lesson well and will only hope that he does as well.

 

 

 



et cetera