The New M.E. Generation











After this confusing weekend, this guy and I continued communicating, but in a limited way. He was either working all the time, and whatever free time he had was basically to run errands or go to church, where he was again in prayer groups or activities until late hours of the night.

The next incident that we had together some time after was that I copied him a text message that another guy I’ve been having an ‘on and off’ relationship had sent me. The situation with this other guy was that he would get upset with me either because of something I said, or as a result of my actions or behavior towards him. Whenever I said ‘no’ to him (like going out), this second guy would get really mad and would vent out everything that he hated about me via texting.

Even worse, the guy would write that he didn’t want me in his life any more, to later look for me again. Instead of me cutting ties with him, I would get into this very bad vibe of questioning myself that really took me to a negative place, and agreed to see him again, to try to make things better, to which encounters would fail over and over.

On this particular occasion, I got his text during a work day and had to hide my face so people would not see me cry. I was so sad and confused I tried calling my friend for support, to which he didn’t answer, and even ask him for his opinion to the text, to which he completely ignored the whole day, in spite me telling him I was emotionally not doing good.

When my then friend finally called me back, I was driving home from work, and he had this very, very, angry tone of voice. It felt like some diabolic spirit had taken over him.

“The reason why this is happening to you of having problems with guys, or not having a boyfriend, is because you haven’t forgiven you ex spouse,” said he.

Now I was the one who became really angry and demonic. “WTF??? You know what? I don’t have to, because I forgave him so many times, and he still cheated on me, disrespected me, gave him a second chance when he separated from me the first time, put up with things that you have no idea about.

He doesn’t deserve being forgiven because I did it so much, he got used to it as an entitlement and he didn’t appreciate my gestures. He doesn’t know what forgiveness really means and how valuable that is when someone gives it to you. He needs to remember how much pain he caused me, so hopefully that sticks in his head and maybe create some change in him.

I have lived all my life pleasing other people or doing what they expect of me. They are happy when I do, but don’t care if I’m not. If I say ‘no’ to others, then I’m the one with the attitude problem or the bitch. If I do as they comply, everything seems to run well; there’s no arguments, confrontations, fights, but reality is all is not good.

And did that help me with my marriage? No! My ex still divorced and remarried within a few months. Besides, who are you to tell me this when you have never forgiven your father or sister??” concluded I.

When he heard the last part, he got stuck on his words because he knew what I said backfired at him. Here he was trying to preach me his religious fanaticism to make me look bad and he be the ‘omnipotent’.

He kept arguing with me trying to win, only to find I wasn’t keeping quiet, or backing down, and snapping at him any argument he said.

The sad part about this is that he never apologized with me. He used to give me advice, listen, comfort me. Now he was just a bitter, angry, stubborn, closed minded, hypocritical, manipulative man.

Me, it has taken me a lot of effort and tears to get to a better emotional state, and wasn’t going to allow anyone to ruin it, even if it was at the expense of our friendship. Besides, he was the one to blame for all this mess.

And forgive for what I’m about to say: have you ever thought that maybe the reason why everything is not working out for you is because you are doing things the wrong way? Doing what the church or bible says is no guarantee that place in heaven you think so much you have earned will happen for you.

To forgive someone else is a privilege. In reality, one has to do the forgiveness to oneself and ‘disconnect’ from the other person as much as possible. This is what I did in my case; I came to terms that in spite all that I did to save my marriage, my ‘x’did everything to destroy it.

I don’t want to forgive him because I want those emotions inside of me to be a reminder that I will never again allow any other guy to do to me what my ‘x’ did. I know it’s not the Catholic way, but my way, the one that will give me the peace and strength to move on, which is what the One above want us to have.

Does this all mean I won’t forgive this guy? Let’s put it this way: “eso no sirve” (not worth it) is another quote of his that he used to use when he gave me his opinion about guys I’ve known. So, then, if I ‘practice what he preaches’, then you know what the answer is.

 

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I repeated the same route as before, except that this time I used the GPS that this guy ‘lend’ me, which made my drive stress-free.

I arrived at the mom’s house a little after lunch time and about an hour before his airplane arrived. His best friend that he worked with at the airline (to which he referred to as ‘his brother, my absolute best friend’) arrived shortly after I did, as he was to pick up the other guy at the airport.

It was nice seeing him again especially after the fun times we had together before. I understood why my then friend felt the way he did about him. It was almost as if this ‘bro’ was the male version of myself. The ‘bromance’ was as strong as my friendship used to be.

The mom had food ready for everyone, so we sat down to eat. The ‘bro’ literally gulped down his food; the mom was really looking forward to seeing his son and just wanted to go pick him up.

I, on the other hand, was very hungry, and wanted to see my friend, but had no intention of eating quickly. There was something within me that told me to slow down, to enjoy that meal, to place myself first.

The mom and ‘bro’ got surprised that I didn’t go with them to the airport. I think I even put a face of ‘it’s not the end of the world if I stay’. It might have been for both of them (mostly my friend), but I didn’t care.

I finished my meal a while later, picked up my plate and washed it. And I didn’t do it because I felt pressured from anyone, it was the right thing to do.

While at that, my friend and else walked in, and he had a very upsetting face. “Why didn’t you go to the airport?” asked he. “I was expecting you there.”

I gave him a blank stare of ‘so?’ and showed no remorse.

Looking back I now realize that I didn’t go for various reasons. First, our relationship had suffered greatly by his own fault.

Second, his attitude of ‘I’m better and know more than you’ hadn’t been sitting well with me for some time. He might think he’s ‘God’s greatest creation’, but to me he wasn’t and didn’t deserve my ‘undivided attention’ that I always had towards him. To the eyes of his mom and ‘bro’ he may still be that, but to me he had become his own worst devil .

Third, I’ve lived my life for others and fulfilling their expectations, including him, and that was no longer the same. Yes, I wanted to see him, but this trip was more about me taking a road trip and possibly having some fun.

But, I just got here and this guy is already giving me an attitude. What next? More religious one-liners that will create a hell on earth during my remaining 24 hours of visiting? Lord, help me!!!

 

 



After dinner I let my friend drive back. It definitely had been a long, productive day, and never short of drama.

After this weekend, what I believe happened was that on my actual birthday date, I didn’t get a call or message from his, which was strange. He had always been the first for those outside my family.

It got to a point late in the day that I text him, saying, “Hey, you totally forgot my birthday!” After no response, also not the norm, I called him.

“What happened? You totally forgot about me!” said I.

“I was waiting until I was unoccupied so I could talk to you without rushing it,” replied he.

What he meant was that after finishing work, he went straight to church, then home. He took care of his things first and he basically communicated to me that I wasn’t that important any more.

He was definitely getting even weirder by the day, especially when his job was about 2 months away from ending and had nothing lined up next.

The church thing was happening every day, spending to at least 4 hours either praying or meeting with some church group he had become part of. Every time I called him, he wouldn’t answer the call and would quickly reply with a text that read “Church” with an emoticon of two hands together in prayer.

If I were lucky to talk to him late at night, he would say, “I go to church because I have nothing else to do after work.”

Really? He used to take long walks to exercise and we would talk on the phone while at that. Or he would cook himself dinner. He was available to me and we always had something to talk about.

All I was hearing now was, “I’m praying so much on my knees, they’re starting to peel,” or “the only people that I have in this life is God, my mom and you,” or “I know God will lead me into the right path.”

I supported his ‘faithfulness’, but the repetition of actions and words started feeling monotonous, as if he was stuck in a place he really didn’t wanted to move away from.

He needed to find a new job, but wanted to stay with the current employer so not to lose his seniority. Fine, but if that option doesn’t work, you have to have other options, which I don’t think he wasn’t pursuing much.

He going to church made him a person that only socialized with other who shared his mentality, thus isolating himself from the ‘real world’. His attitude that ‘God is on my side’ was becoming arrogant and that ‘the one above’ was he towards others.

He started criticizing my way of being, claiming I didn’t had a man in my life because I hadn’t forgiven my ex and if I disapproved, he would retaliate very nasty. His response towards me was, “pues te veo mal” (things won’t go well with you).

As time progressed, the arguments increased. I kept telling him that my whole life had been about pleasing others or doing what was expected of me, and when I yelled out my frustration, people would say I had an attitude problem and label me a bitch. Others would be happy, but didn’t care I wasn’t. My friend became one of those persons.

And regarding forgiveness, I told him that was my prerogative to do or not, that I did that so many times and my ex was so unappreciated about it that I stopped doing it because he didn’t deserve it.

I was now standing for myself, something my friend had always told me I needed to do, and now he was mad I was applying what he taught me to him.

My friend became bitter and non-negotiable on anything, displaying lots of anger in his nasty voice. You could feel this heavy, negative energy on the phone. He may have been praying plenty, but he was now the embodiment of a true devil.

I think what became the problem was that for the first time in his life, he had lost control. Nothing was happening as he wanted, even if he worked on it. He didn’t have job offers, he never got over his breakup, and I wasn’t doing what he told me to do.

Even with the help of a professional, he now struggled with depression and was still obsessed that his ex had to change.

He was acting towards me like the ‘big brother’ character instead of the older brother figure he had always been. His religious fanatic tactic of spreading fear wasn’t affecting me and he resented that.

He was hiding behind his beliefs and blaming others for his outcome. He may have thought he was set to go when the end of the world happened, but instead it was ‘highway to hell’ with him.

You see my then friend, you forgot that you gave me the wings to fly, and I’m soaring high to my own happy place and more. And I’m at peace with that. About time already.



et cetera