The New M.E. Generation

{August 10, 2015}   Looking Back 46 – Taking note

Life can be contradictory. On one hand, you’re told that no matter what, things will always change, because that’s how the universe works.

But on the other hand, certain changes do happen because other people, circumstances or forces make it happen. It may be so this way, but the ultimate person to complete the process is oneself. And if you don’t, it will always linger like a bad cold you’re trying to shake off.

Case in point, the beach guy reappeared again as he always does in the most awkward moment or inconvenient time for me.

It was a Thursday afternoon and I was having lunch downstairs, outside the office which I don’t do often. I was eating a sandwich at a Deli looking at the news on a TV monitor when he text me.

‘What are you doing?’ asked he. Note: no greeting was first mentioned.

It was one of those busy days at work that doesn’t seem to end and was not in the mood at that moment for anything, other than taking my break and eating. ‘Lunch’ is all I replied.

‘I’m here at –‘ said he. He was located at a city at least one county away.

‘Really? What for?’ replied I. Note: he was coming down my way, but didn’t bother to tell me in advanced.

‘Work. How far am I from you?’

‘Don’t know; a little over an hour depending on traffic?’ He asked me for my address to check the distance, to which he replied after researching, ’50 minutes’.

I knew why he was asking me that. He was probably contemplating if there would be an opportunity to meet. But honestly, with the day I was having, at that instant I wasn’t interested in that at all.

‘How long are you here for?’ asked I.

‘Probably tomorrow night.’

I don’t recall what I replied next, but I completely ignored his hints. I just thought that if he had wanted to see me he should make it happen. I definitely wasn’t in the mood for anything, even less the effort of going to him.

Here’s the thing: I had recently text him if he was coming to my area any time soon and he just said, ‘I don’t know.’ Or if I text him asking him what plans he had for the weekend, he always replied that he was busy, or had his kids, or some other excuse that translated to ‘I’m not interested’.

This has been a situation that has repeated many times over, so why should I react to his local area visit? Spoiler alert: I’m treating you the way you treat me, i.e., I’m not interested.

We stopped the text because he was on a meeting and my break was done.

I could have continued, but I still had my second part of the work day and knew it wasn’t going to be smooth.

I sat back at my desk and kept on working. But his presence gave me a bad aftertaste. It took me back to high school when he was always busy studying and barely dedicated any time to me.

I was always the one looking for him and he would have that look that he had more important things to take care of.

I tried really hard not to think much about his behavior, but after a while it felt like huge rejections that became painful.

I didn’t deserve it, but back then I didn’t know when it was time to step back and walk away, to know when to read the signs that this wasn’t healthy for me, that as much effort and chances one gives to people or situations, some of them will just simply never be.

And that is one hard pill to swallow.


{December 30, 2013}   Looking Back 26 – Over the limit

After Thanksgiving break, I went to my usual routine. A few weeks went by and no word from that guy or myself to him either.

And, in his expected manner, he re-emerged like a bad cold that refuses to go away all together.

‘Closed on my house, yay! How are you?’ his text read.

My thought was, ‘Yay, great for you, as always’. This means there’s always going to be a situation (or better yet, excuse) for him not coming to see me.

And regarding the ‘how are you?’ part, I’m in no rush in responding. Like I’ve said before, if he cared in any way, he would have called already, and I’m tired of wasting my limited texting on him.

A couple of hours later, he wrote again. ‘Are you there?’

‘Yep’, said I. Felt more like saying, ‘Still here putting up with you’. My limit with him was already way more than that of my last messaging billing cycle.

‘I have Xmas week off. What will you be doing?’ wrote he.

‘I will be around’, replied I. Regardless if I have a plan or not doesn’t matter. I know I will not be included in his, so why say anything else?

A couple of weeks went by and, again, he was lost all together. I had stepped away from communicating to him as I have been doing (‘yay’ to that!).

Before I knew it, it was Xmas Eve and, as I always do, I call everyone I think deserves my undivided attention and wish them well. The ‘beach guy’ didn’t, but in the spirit of the holidays, I putted my emotions aside and did anyway.

I knew this would go over quickly (he wouldn’t answer my call), so I made his first. Here’s the drill: his phone rings 4 times and then voicemail activates. ‘Hello, this is…Please leave me a message and I’ll return your call as soon as I can’ (which you never do with me).

My response: ‘Hey, it’s me. Just wanted to wish you a Merry Xmas with your family and loved ones’ (which doesn’t include me).

All right, done. Time to call those others worth my mobile minutes.

et cetera