The New M.E. Generation











{December 12, 2016}   The Swipe 12 – Rebound to fail

Thank goodness I was scheduled to leave to my trip with Dina shortly after this brief thing with Cameron ended. But when she and I were at the airport, she asked me what was going on with that.

I didn’t wanted to get into details, so I only told her that he came with the excuse of having issues and that I didn’t appreciate being used. She mentioned she had recently been in a similar situation, but wasn’t upset about it, and that I shouldn’t take it personal.

What she doesn’t know (or doesn’t want to) is that we’re both ‘rebounds’.

What is a rebound? To put it simply, it’s basically a distraction to keep a guy or girl from thinking about their recent breakup. If a guy goes into a rebound relationship, he’s looking for a quick way to get over his ex by being with someone else. But what he’s really doing is projecting his feelings about his ex onto a new girl – in a sense, he’s using the new girl.

People who go into rebound relationships don’t go into them with the intention of using someone or hurting someone else. They usually think they’re helping themselves… that’s what makes rebounds so tricky.” (Jessica Booth – 7 signs you’re in a rebound relationship)

You see? I was right all along. Cameron used me and because he’s only thinking about himself (“it was good for me to go out with you”), he doesn’t see the negative of his actions.

Regarding his 4-month relationship with the 24 year old (that I mentioned would expand upon), there’s details to discuss.

He might have said he’s done with children, but if you haven’t had a vasectomy yet, then you’re still contemplating having more in the future. Case in point: Cameron said he wished he would have had a boy.

She probably knew her chances with him were slim, but many women think that the sex they will give their man will be so good, that it will magically made them change their mind. The men will be so ‘head over heels’ that they will have a child to prove their love.

But after 4 months of ‘spreading their legs for free’, they put the men between ‘the wall and the sword’, because they’re expecting a commitment.

This is what happened between Cam and her when the ‘honeymoon’ was over. He pulled out the baby card when confronted, saving his ass from looking like the bad person, and abruptly ended the relationship.

Reality is Cameron was with her just for the sex, maybe her youth and beauty. She was just a means to an end while his divorce happens. And when a woman gets demanding with a guy who has no other interests with you, the faster they run away. Cameron used her and she became another rebound victim. I assure you that they would still be together if that conversation wouldn’t have happened.

So what’s my future prediction for Cameron? For starters, if he continues being a rebound guy, he will fail over and over again. Karma will be stepping on his toes until he get it right. But even if he does, it’s not going to let him get off the hook that easily yet.

What I mean by this is that he has to pay for what he did to others, and that payback will not hit him directly, but will come through those he loves the most: his daughters.

Let me tell you a story. When my then high school friend and I were that (please see ‘The Ex-Friend’ story), he mentioned to me that once when he was visiting his sister’s home after she gave birth to her second daughter, they started talking about their mom having a relationship with a married man.

He expressed being totally against it; she said something to the extent that ‘as long as mom is happy, I’m fine with it’, to which he said, “would you allow your daughters to do the same?”, to which she replied, “no!! I would never allow it!!”

“There you have it,” said he. “That’s why you didn’t have one, but two daughters.”

The point in their conversation was that when something is wrong, it will always be wrong. It has nothing to do with making someone happy or that it’s good for you.

The reason why Cameron had girls is because the older will be his mirror and the second will be the one he will do good with.

His eldest is 13, starting out in life. There will be the day that a guy will appear, telling her all that she wants to hear, making her believe she’s the best thing in the world, promising her the moon and stars, to one day dumping her for no good reason. She won’t see it coming.

She will go to her father crying and confused as to what happened (“he told me he loved me; he left me through a text; he’s already seeing someone else; what did I do?”).

It will be then that he will see himself reflected on her and realize all the collateral damage he has done. He will understand that the hurt his daughter is feeling is the same he inflicted on other women.

It would be as almost as the screenplays he writes, except that now he has the chance to give them another ending. His daughters will be the main characters, the ones to give him a front row seat to the movie he doesn’t want to watch. But if he decides to rewrite his life, the story of the rebound guy will no longer be.

So when the second daughter grows, Cameron will be there to lead her (“I don’t want you to go through what your sister did”). It doesn’t guarantee there won’t be heartbreaks, but it’s a start, for both of them.

The last I knew about Cameron was through the dating app. I was swiping and I saw his name; the photos were those he doesn’t appear, the same ones in his social media.

‘This is so stupid,’ I thought to myself. ‘He’s a moron if he thought I wouldn’t recognize him. And wasn’t he dealing with issues? Obviously not!’

He knew he would see my profile; that’s why he didn’t post any images of himself. I felt like texting him, ‘You couldn’t be more obvious’.

I had a great time on my trip, so much that I almost took on Dina’s advice of not being upset with Cameron, and considered giving him a call. But that quickly went away as soon as I landed back to reality.

Today I look back at this with mixed feelings. I should know by now that one should never date a guy who’s in mid-divorce or rebounding.

If he ever calls (which I’m sure he won’t), I will listen to what he has to say, but won’t accept anything from him, even apologies. That’s because sometimes one has to take that stand for others to understand how we feel. And them hopefully learn. And change. Maybe I will be part of that karma that he needs to work this.

Whatever it is, one thing is for sure: time to swipe some more again.

 

 

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A couple of weeks passed by after the ‘daughter’ incident and everything seemed to go back to normal, that is, when I stayed away from writing anything on his profile.

I was keeping it low as much as I could and was just putting posts which content was pretty plain and harmless. They pretty much reflected the sentiment of what other people would say.

I could see that there were other females posting, so I thought this all unintended attention would eventually go away. But that’s not what was happening.

I learned through an email of him that the wife and daughter were still wondering who I was. I couldn’t understand why me of all the other women.

But him saying that I was an old girlfriend, combined with my apparent good looks, I was standing out way too much.

To be honest here, I didn’t find myself being above the other women I saw on his profile.

I did make positive comments on his daughter’s photos. She has been blossoming into a beautiful lady and I was happy for him.

He had always been concerned about giving her a stable home environment and the love she really deserved, two situations he felt he didn’t have when growing up.

I know pictures may speak more than a thousand words, but can be easily deceiving, but my feeling was that his daughter was indeed growing up to be what he had worked so hard for.

But my other feeling was that his attention was more devoted to the daughter than the significant other. Mix that with my presence online and his past stories that things between them are not that well, and you have a conflict that all points to him.

It blew out of proportion in such a way that one day I got an email that I knew would inevitably happen.

‘Hey, I am going to unfriend you. My wife has been questioning much about you. Please don’t take it personal. I am still your friend and I hope we continue to be. I’m not cutting ties here completely, just for a while until things calm down. I know you will understand.’

When I read it, I was upset that I was going through this again, but now thinking that I was fed up of being looked at as if I was a bad person who is complicating other people’s lives.

I have arrived to such a point in my life personally and with guys that I really have no patience for situations like this, even when I know what the truth here is.

I mean, I still appreciate and feel for him, but my emotions towards him completely come to a halt. I have been dragging on this situation with him for far too long and it’s time to close this chapter and move on, just like he has done.

No tears, no regrets, no questioning of decisions; just keeping him as part of my past and leaving it there.



I then decided to reply to him and see where this conversation would lead.

‘Hey, are you also a firefighter?’ asked I.

‘No, just a paramedic’, answered he.

‘So you work every other day.’

‘Yes and at my job right now.’

‘So if there’s no calls you sit by the computer.’

‘Yes, how do you know?’

‘I was once friend’s with a firefighter and had the opportunity to visit the station where he worked. His colleagues were studying, watching TV, or surfing the net. It was a nice experience.’

‘The guy or the station?’

‘Both.’

‘So what happened that you two are not together?’

‘It just didn’t work out. Listen, I had a long day, so maybe we’ll chat some more tomorrow’, concluded I.

It was true that I had a stressful day, but wasn’t in the mood in getting into details about an experience that happened a long time ago (see ‘You Can Be My Hero’).

That particular guy was like the second I met right out of what I’ve always referred to as ‘my past life’. Right now I don’t need to dwell on the reasons of why we stopped even having a conversation.

There was a time when I was upset about the whole incident, but now it just feels like a blur, or perhaps something lived out of a movie or something.

I have no regrets about it or feel any more anger towards him or the moment. In simple words, it wasn’t meant to be and wouldn’t have worked out in the present either.

If I take a humorous approach to it, all I can say is, ‘what was I thinking?’ That maybe something extraordinary could happen, that I was meant to be rescued by someone I barely knew, when in fact I started rescuing everything that I represented and the new life I had barely started to live.

I sometimes think about Bryan and how we met, and the brief moments we shared. He wasn’t really a bad person. He was just someone who was different from me in so many ways in personality, life experiences, upbringing, and else that I’m certain now it never stood a chance of becoming anything.

And then there’s me. I always strive for in having achieving something as minimal as a friendship. That’s the semi-romantic side of me that wants to say, ‘something positive came out of this’.

If I look at that, then I can say that this guy came into my life because he was the type of person I needed to meet when I had just re-started this whole dating craziness.

He came, he gave, and then he left when the alarm went off and was time to go, that’s all. I have no regrets and that’s the way it should be.



et cetera