The New M.E. Generation











After this confusing weekend, this guy and I continued communicating, but in a limited way. He was either working all the time, and whatever free time he had was basically to run errands or go to church, where he was again in prayer groups or activities until late hours of the night.

The next incident that we had together some time after was that I copied him a text message that another guy I’ve been having an ‘on and off’ relationship had sent me. The situation with this other guy was that he would get upset with me either because of something I said, or as a result of my actions or behavior towards him. Whenever I said ‘no’ to him (like going out), this second guy would get really mad and would vent out everything that he hated about me via texting.

Even worse, the guy would write that he didn’t want me in his life any more, to later look for me again. Instead of me cutting ties with him, I would get into this very bad vibe of questioning myself that really took me to a negative place, and agreed to see him again, to try to make things better, to which encounters would fail over and over.

On this particular occasion, I got his text during a work day and had to hide my face so people would not see me cry. I was so sad and confused I tried calling my friend for support, to which he didn’t answer, and even ask him for his opinion to the text, to which he completely ignored the whole day, in spite me telling him I was emotionally not doing good.

When my then friend finally called me back, I was driving home from work, and he had this very, very, angry tone of voice. It felt like some diabolic spirit had taken over him.

“The reason why this is happening to you of having problems with guys, or not having a boyfriend, is because you haven’t forgiven you ex spouse,” said he.

Now I was the one who became really angry and demonic. “WTF??? You know what? I don’t have to, because I forgave him so many times, and he still cheated on me, disrespected me, gave him a second chance when he separated from me the first time, put up with things that you have no idea about.

He doesn’t deserve being forgiven because I did it so much, he got used to it as an entitlement and he didn’t appreciate my gestures. He doesn’t know what forgiveness really means and how valuable that is when someone gives it to you. He needs to remember how much pain he caused me, so hopefully that sticks in his head and maybe create some change in him.

I have lived all my life pleasing other people or doing what they expect of me. They are happy when I do, but don’t care if I’m not. If I say ‘no’ to others, then I’m the one with the attitude problem or the bitch. If I do as they comply, everything seems to run well; there’s no arguments, confrontations, fights, but reality is all is not good.

And did that help me with my marriage? No! My ex still divorced and remarried within a few months. Besides, who are you to tell me this when you have never forgiven your father or sister??” concluded I.

When he heard the last part, he got stuck on his words because he knew what I said backfired at him. Here he was trying to preach me his religious fanaticism to make me look bad and he be the ‘omnipotent’.

He kept arguing with me trying to win, only to find I wasn’t keeping quiet, or backing down, and snapping at him any argument he said.

The sad part about this is that he never apologized with me. He used to give me advice, listen, comfort me. Now he was just a bitter, angry, stubborn, closed minded, hypocritical, manipulative man.

Me, it has taken me a lot of effort and tears to get to a better emotional state, and wasn’t going to allow anyone to ruin it, even if it was at the expense of our friendship. Besides, he was the one to blame for all this mess.

And forgive for what I’m about to say: have you ever thought that maybe the reason why everything is not working out for you is because you are doing things the wrong way? Doing what the church or bible says is no guarantee that place in heaven you think so much you have earned will happen for you.

To forgive someone else is a privilege. In reality, one has to do the forgiveness to oneself and ‘disconnect’ from the other person as much as possible. This is what I did in my case; I came to terms that in spite all that I did to save my marriage, my ‘x’did everything to destroy it.

I don’t want to forgive him because I want those emotions inside of me to be a reminder that I will never again allow any other guy to do to me what my ‘x’ did. I know it’s not the Catholic way, but my way, the one that will give me the peace and strength to move on, which is what the One above want us to have.

Does this all mean I won’t forgive this guy? Let’s put it this way: “eso no sirve” (not worth it) is another quote of his that he used to use when he gave me his opinion about guys I’ve known. So, then, if I ‘practice what he preaches’, then you know what the answer is.

 

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Just when I was getting used to the idea that this guy was away and that our friendship has experienced a change that would be put to the test over the next year, I get a totally unexpected call from him in the middle of the week.

People that know me know you never call me at work unless you have an immediate need to speak to me, or it means something really bad has happened.

And with this guy it was the same. So his call meant the second and I felt a bad vibe about it. First thing that came to mind was his mom.

“‘¿Todo bien?'” (Is all fine?) is what he would say and now I’m copying him. What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I just say things my own way? It’s ridiculous how much he’s engrained in me. “Something happened to your mom?” continued I.

“No my mom’s fine. I’m the one who’s not. Listen, I’m getting out of here. I already submitted my letter of resignation and will fly out in a couple of days,” said he.

“What? Why? Didn’t you just get there about a month ago? What happened? Are you sure about what you’re doing?”

“It’s a long story, but all I will say is that this is a toxic environment. It’s like in one of those mystery movies where you land at what you thought would be an oasis, and then you discover all the hidden horrors nobody told you about.

I made my decision quickly and there’s no turning back. I need to get out of here and the sooner the better. Got my ticket, I’m all packed up, and that’s it. Don’t want to be here no more,” continued he.

I was listening to him and couldn’t grasp what was happening. It’s like I was talking to a complete stranger. This was definitely not the guy I used to know. It could have been the most difficult situation for him, but he would always manage to turn things around and make them work.

That’s what I used to admire about him; he would overcome anything and come out victorious, even stronger as a person.

Now all I’m hearing is how bad everything is, how angry and bitter he has become, how life sucks and is being ungrateful to him, that the world and people have turned against him.

There was never a battle he wouldn’t win and no aftershock that would affect him for long. He would brush off the results of the experience and move on, and be more than ready for whatever else came his way.

He swallowed his pride on anything and kept his emotions under control. He would share them with you, but without putting too much emphasis into them.

Now he sounded like a spoiled child who ‘I want this and I want it now!’ type of attitude. A brat who closes his eyes and cover the ears when you try making any sense into him; someone who raises his voice and stumps the feet at the floor when things don’t go their way or others won’t comply with him.

I don’t know what ‘bit’ him on that location he’s at, but the high temperature on his voice was at boiling point. He may be shouting ‘toxic environment’, but there’s a lot more underlying drama in this low-budget movie that this spectator (me) has yet to see.

Worst part is, the first installment is not over yet and the sequel is about to start. What rating should this get? I’ll give it a ‘B’ as in ‘Bad’, really bad.



It’s been a while since I last spoke with Ivan, so I decided to give him a call.

I know it’s basically a waste of time with him. He’s another one of those whom I call and never answers it, no matter what time I do.

Most of the time he eventually calls back, but when he does, he’s either in a relationship or out of it, swearing to me he doesn’t want to be with anyone, period.

He always says he will call me to have a drink, just as friends, which he has been telling me since forever.
Reality is he stays single for a while, but when he starts feeling alone, he gets involved with someone, even when knowing he’s not ready for it.

Then the relationship gets really complicated, like cheating, nasty break-ups, reconciliations, more break-ups, and so on until it finally ends worst than the sinking of the Titanic.

Yep, he’s one of those people that are attracted to melodrama and disfunctionality. Hey, I may have been full of that at another time in my life, but if we had gotten involved romantically, I’m sure it would have progressed in a more civilized manner.

The other sad part about him is that I’ve offered my friendship to him repeatedly, but he doesn’t take it.

He’s the type of person that surrounds itself with bad vibe that doesn’t allow him to get beyond that negative funk he’s stuck at. It’s like he actually enjoys being in that mode.

Again, my life is not any better than many, but it sure is way more than his, that is, emotionally. And I bet you I’m one of the few, maybe the only, who is willing to be a true companion to him with no expectations.

Even sadder, I think he’s genuinely a good person and deserves better. But this is how he’s handling his romances when he knows damn well they’re a disaster and needs to correct this behavior.

I won’t deny feeling sorry for him, but when I compare his relationships to my current state of affairs (or lack of thereof), I actually feel good about myself.

I do get frustrated for not having a relationship all these past years and that most guys met have been almost not worth my efforts, but I’ve certainly evolved (a lot!), and feel closer every day of reaching that much needed maturity that will allow me to have a successful relationship.

It has been a crazy ride, but the final destination doesn’t feel that distant away any longer.



Thank goodness for networking sites, and that he had a name that was not an average one. I did a quick search and, there he was!

I was sure he was to remember me, so I sent him a message, which basically summarized my life in the last few years and our last encounter at the deli so many years ago.

I got a response the next day and kept corresponding the following ones. When we got to the specific of that day, his revelations were quite moving to me.

“I was very happy to see you,” said he, “but when I walked over to meet your ‘x’, it just didn’t feel good.

He gave me a vibe that he thought he was better than others. He didn’t like meeting me; his face said it all. That’s why I didn’t sit down at the table, as he was unwelcoming.

Even more, he completely overshadowed you, and didn’t want you to be your true self.

He didn’t even seem to be ‘real’, more like shallow or perhaps ‘empty’. His eyes didn’t show any life or substance.

I’m sad to hear what happened to you. But I think you are better off having him out of your life.

Seems to me that you have made great strides in your recovery and if there’s still any part of you from those years I used to know you for, I am sure you will come through as yourself again.”

As I was reading this, I only wanted to cry, big time. As I have reconnected with more and more people, especially guys, I could not believe how accurate they were all of ‘that guy.’

Yes, I wanted to cry, not because of the truth, but because it was right there before me throughout so many years and I let it happen.

I let him mistreat me and control me with the same result; he left me anyway.

How did I allow it? Why wasn’t I seeing it? Maybe so much negative occurred that I shut down or blocked it. Maybe I was still hoping some day things would have gotten better, or maybe change. Maybe I was holding on to the impossible.

The problem was he didn’t want to change. Instead, he placed the blame on other people or things so he didn’t have to look at himself, and accept he was the cause of the rupture on the relationship.

That’s why he left so easily, and all occurred the way they did.

I sat there and cried for a while regretting all the wasted years and how much more I hated him every day that passed.

I have no good words for him and wish him the worst in the world.



et cetera