The New M.E. Generation











After what my girlfriend said the night of the dinner, I sort of went back to being quiet and not saying much.

The texting during the commutes continued, but I kept them to the usual ‘good morning’, to asking how the day was going at the office. Because I was leaving earlier to work, I started missing seeing his car, which took away the fun of crossing paths.

At least the idea of meeting in the future prevailed, but it felt like it was taking forever. This guy always had some excuse, all seemingly legit, for not making it happen, like work-related events, having a good friend in town, and taking his sports car (and testing others) on a speedway.

He even said once that he left his phone at the office. That was probably a lie, but I wasn’t in the position of questioning him on that. (Did I mention he has his own business, a travel incentives company?…)

I even suggested taking the next step of talking on the phone (“I’m not really a person that does that”, said he.) What’s this? Another Fish clone? (see The Swipe). This gave me a bad chill on my spine.

I was getting tired of ‘no phone’ conversations, but, again, wasn’t going to insist on anything. At least the texting provided a clarification about his age when he mentioned he was at the doctor taking care of the pre-op before having a colonoscopy.

Me: “First time? So I guess you’re 50?”

Him: “I’m probably a LOT older than you. Only 50. I must look a lot older.”

Me: “How old you think I am?”

Him: “I’ll say mid to late 30’s.”

Me: “Yeah, that’s it” (not!).

Him: “Age is not a number. You’re as old as you feel.” (This is such a delusional statement! Not even you believes that.) “So I guess I’m too old for you lol.” (…and that he uses ‘lol’ in every texting?)

Me: “Nope.”

Him: “Yay!”

Hmmm, wonder how he would feel about me if he learned I’m very close to his age. Would he still be interested in me?

When he finally ‘popped the question’ (lunch, that is), I let him choose the time and place. He mentioned to meet at noon on a Saturday at a nice place I’ve been once before. I told him to please reconfirm with me the following morning.

Because I didn’t hear from him, I sent him a text message; got a reply like an hour before the due time, that his 80-something mother wasn’t feeling right, was taking her to the hospital, and was sorry about it. That maybe tomorrow could be.

This didn’t sit well with me. I know it’s his mom, he apologized, and asked for a rain check. But anything that has to do with hospitals takes time, so bailing out at the last minute always makes you look bad. It felt like he was getting ‘cold feet’ about it all, thus using the situation as a means to hide.

All I could do was tell him that ‘hope all goes well’ (he: “thanks for your understanding”) and make the best out of the day. I followed up with him early evening (“Still at hospital. Waiting for test results and else. Thanks for asking.”)

Next day, don’t remember who initiated the texting, but he cancelled again, citing that he still had to deal with his mom, plus had to go see his dad to help him with something. Another “so sorry, hope you understand”. All I did was express the same as the day before. Didn’t communicate with him the rest of the day.

As the weekend winded down, I felt like those days when I’m starting to wonder if this guy will turn out to be another repeat story.

I’ve been disappointed so many times, any minor things start ringing bells in my head. Even if you’re told the truth, it still feels suspicious.

Well, another new week, another chance that things might come my way (or not).

Monday morning memo to myself: “If a guy wants to be with you, he will make it happen no matter what” (- He’s Not That Into You). Copy that.

 

 

 

 



‘As in all relationships, it takes two people to make it happen,’ continued he. ‘In this case, she doesn’t want to stay in it. Plus, she’s behaving in certain ways as if we were still married. People tell me I’m stupid for allowing it. I’ve been nice to her so far, but when I start taking certain measures she’s not going to like it. That’s when things will get ugly.’

Wow, yes, it does sound that this ‘drama’ will get nastier than a nightttime Mexican soap opera.

I couldn’t stop thinking again at my own breakup and how his correlated with mine yet again.

It seems that this guy and I did everything that we could for the sake of our marriage, even when things got difficult.

I personally didn’t want to end mine because I believed in it and was committed to keeping my vows.

Unfortunately, my ‘x’ bailed out and the situations that he could have resolved from his part he let them stand. This caused such a rupture on our relationship there was no way to save it. I became useless for him even though he had ‘no complaints about me as a wife’.

He didn’t want to stay in the relationship any longer because people think that when you walk away from problems they instantly disappear or stop being that, a problem.

Regarding my breakup getting ugly, it sure did. I saw a side of my ‘x’ that sure wasn’t pretty, and all his humiliation and rejection created a creature totally unrecognizable to me.

I questioned myself for some time where did I go wrong. My mistake was that I allowed him to treat me in ways that were totally unacceptable.

It took many years to realize that the breakup was his entire fault and that I was the best thing that ever happened to him and he blew it.

I have a strong feeling, yet again, that this is the same for this other guy. The difference is I already surfed over the big waves and the bigger ones are starting to hit him.

But knowing how he is, he’ll apply the best ‘medicine’ that he knows and get over it. How much time will he need to heal? Well, that’s no day at the beach.



A long weekend was soon approaching and Madelyn wanted to meet with me somewhere in the states. I quickly started researching ideas that were affordable and not that far away.

But because of the date, costs were obviously up from what they normally are, and the only way to make it more manageable was to try to add people to the trip.

Dina has already made other plans, and Alex was the only other option I could think about. I know I’m talking about sharing a room with a guy. But he and I have already known each other for some time, and felt confident Alex would behave accordingly. And, I know Madelyn trusted my judgment, and would be fine with her.

Of course, I spoke with her first and then to Alex who I knew had no plans for that weekend and was without his kids as well. He greatly appreciated my invitation and felt I cared about him being alone during those days.

I kept with the planning, but the more I tried to find a viable alternative, the more complicated it got for various reasons. Things really went from bad to worse when Madelyn expressed that the options available were too expensive and was going to ‘bail out.’ Then Alex ‘dropped the bomb’ on me, and I mean a really big one.

“If I go on this trip with or without your friend, I will only do so as your boyfriend.”

Holy! What? Say again? Where did that come from? What’s happening here? Did I hear right? Something inside of me hit the ‘mute’ button while my mind was trying to decode the message received.

“Remember that night at the pizza place?” asked he. “Something happened there that made me look at you differently. Right now I see you more than a friend, but as someone whom I would like to have a romantic relationship with. So, like I said, I will go on this trip only as your boyfriend.”

(Emma, say something!) “I don’t know what to tell you. I really had no sense that you had other feelings for me. You have to give me a chance to internalize this situation.”

Translation: I need to speak to Madelyn, now!



et cetera