The New M.E. Generation











The next day I woke up feeling confused. The bbq of the night before had been nice, but the event had extended far too long. It was one of those feelings that you overdid it and now your body was showing it.

I debated during the morning whether to call Cameron or not. I wasn’t sure if to apologize for my comment of who had texted him, or simply take the opportunity to thank him again, and then discuss this matter. I also wondered if it was necessary for me to say anything to him, even thanks, when I think I did that before he left (honestly, I don’t remember).

I believe I went about my Sunday like any other. If I did make the attempt of calling him, it was in the early evening. And when I did, the call went straight to his voicemail, which didn’t sit well with me.

‘WTF?’ I thought to myself. ‘Has this guy blocked me or something?’

Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday came and went. Still no sign of him. Not sure if I made the attempt of calling him again those days, but if I did, it went to voicemail. At this point I didn’t know what to do, but it was clear to me he was avoiding me.

I checked his social media and we were still friends. His profile was as boring and uninteresting as usual, with no clues of his whereabouts or anything else. I wondered if he was checking my posts.

I don’t know what got into me, but I made a drastic move and deleted him as my friend. I probably thought that after 4 days of silence he had moved on with his life, so it was time for me to do the same.

Came Thursday, and when I was getting off the car and walking into the office, I get a call from him. I was juggling my purse and else, and missed answering his call. I returned it when I settled down at my desk.

He quickly tells me that ‘he was about to walk in into the office and only had a few minutes to talk’. Of course you do.

How predictable of a guy to use this false facade as a way to break up with you. They don’t want to deal with a woman ‘going postal’ in person, so they cowardly do this over the phone, taking even more advantage that you’re working, thinking they can make it ‘short and sweet’ to their liking.

Guys, let me tell you something: get on with the times. Just because we’re supposed to be ladylike and behave professionally at work, doesn’t mean it will stop us of telling you to ‘go fuck yourself’.

Because I knew what was coming, I got myself in an empty office, closed the door, and let him say what he had to say.

“It was good for me to go out with you because it helped me,” said he. “Good for you, bad for me,” answered I.

“I still have some issues with my wife to deal with,” continued he. “And you used me to leverage your emotions. Once you got what you needed, you went ahead and disappeared,” said I.

“I didn’t disappear,” said he. “Yes you did,” said I.

“I’m sorry you feel this way and I can only apologize… (blah, blah, blah).” “No you’re not; you’re not the one getting the boot. Question, did you tell the 24-year-old you had issues?”, continued I.

He kept trying to make his case, to which I had a winning argument to everything he was saying.

He then mentioned that he noticed I had ‘unfriended’ him on social media, which he was surprised at and not understanding why I did it. “You took me out of your life, so I did the same,” said I.

I was beyond mad with him. He then said that ‘he was outside the office door about to walk in’ to end the conversation. I know he was running away from me and the situation, but I wasn’t done.

So I went ahead and wrote him through his profile: “I’ll tell you why I’m upset. You disappeared after the bbq. I call you, no answer.

Now you say it was good for you to go out with me because it helped you. That you still need to resolve issues with your divorce.

You told me that when we met. And it may be so, but it’s not for me that others use you. And you came to such a quick decision not to see me any more? You gave that chick 4 months and me less than one?? Really?

What will happen is that you will meet another girl, and that’s it. That thing that you have issues will disappear the minute it happens. I’ve lived that before of guys dumping me, to then quickly learn that they found someone new.

If ever you want to know anything about me, you make the effort. And I took you out of social media because we stopped being friends the minute you decided to walk out of my existence.”

I don’t know if he read it, but I don’t care. This is my version of his ‘short and sweet’, and I like every word of it.

And, you’re a coward. I said it again. A way shorter and sweeter truth.

How do you like the ‘unsweetened’ version of me now?

 

 

 

 

 

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{November 28, 2016}   The Swipe 10 – Dinner is served

I don’t recall how much time passed after my brunch with Dina and meeting with Cameron again to finally do the barbecue.

What I do remember is that it happened before my trip with Dina and that he brought all the food.

As if I haven’t had enough drama in my life already, that small BBQ that I own was actually a gift from Jay (please see the stories ‘A Spring Break in the Fall’ and ‘The Week That Was’) when he came to visit me many moons ago.

This means that every time I look at it, I always remember him. And in trying for this not to happen, I basically neglected the item by not taking care of it. I simply left it in the balcony, letting time and weather mistreat it.

When I opened it to finally clean it, it was holding some food grease for when it was used during his visit, plus dust, leaves, and whatever else managed to get inside.

‘This will be a tough one’, I thought to myself, referring to the major cleanup I had to give it. While doing that, I also remembered my past. It was a difficult time for me, as I had been divorced for a few months and the transition to my new life was challenging. Getting over Jay later on was another biggie, but eventually managed to do both.

All the grime and else felt like the collection of the emotions and memories of those years, which were now ready to be ‘cleaned away’ for good.

After I was done, I looked at it and then thought, ‘This is a nice bbq. It was nice of him to give me this. I won’t do it again of ignoring it.’ Kudos to me.

It was an even better moment seeing Cameron turning on the bbq. The soft light that the fire emitted made me feel peaceful and at ease.

What made me upset, though, was him walking barefoot to and from the balcony to inside the apartment’s white rug, especially when I had told him not to. I didn’t repeat myself, because I knew his behavior could make me say something that I could later regret.

At the same time, I really hate when some people are not considerate of other’s things, or get too comfortable thinking anything they do will be fine with you.

It made me feel he put himself first above me, which made me question his manners and common sense, which at the moment made him look as he lacked both.

Still, the bbq worked fine and his cooking turned out good. He even stayed to watch a movie with me on TV (“He’s Not That Into You”), which provided 2 awkward/defining moments of the night.

The first being a scene between the characters Beth and Neil; she questions him if he has intentions of marrying her and he replies that ‘he doesn’t believe in marriage’, to which she says: “Bullshit! Bullshit! Bullshit for every woman who’s been told by some guy that he doesn’t believe in marriage just to see him turn around 8 months later and marry some 24 year old he met at the gym.” (Notice the important detail here? Yes, the 20-something.) Cameron reacted slightly, which meant it hit a cord with him.

The second moment was towards the end of the film when Cam received a text message. He had placed his mobile facing up on my coffee table in front of the TV .

I became confused and accidentally blurted out, “who’s that?” in a semi-inquiring tone, because it was so late in the evening. Cameron quickly looked at the screen and then back to the movie; he didn’t answer me.

Of course it made me suspicious that it was another woman. For crying out loud, tell me a white lie that it’s your teenage daughter or something. Be creative for once.

What his reaction did create was an overwhelming thought in my mind of “esto no va para ningún lado; se jodío” (or ‘this (whatever it is) is going nowhere; it’s fucked up’). I don’t know what got into me; it was as if someone got inside my head and told me so. I even lost track of the movie for a few minutes.

Since Cam didn’t open the message, it reappeared, which made me feel uneasy again. I then looked away and thought, ‘definitely not happening’.

I got my attention back into the movie and ignored the text message incident. But when the movie ended and Cameron was walking out the door to leave, he then looked at his mobile and said to me something to the extent of that ‘he had received soccer games scores’.

I don’t know if I heard him well or not. He didn’t behave like he was hiding something from me either. But, who knows; at that point of the early Sunday hours, anything is possible, even a ‘wake-up call’ from the universe, that this situation between Cam and I have been served and that the ending of it all is not going to be that tasty.

Shoot! I’ve seen Cameron like 4 times, 5 tops, and now there won’t be a another round, not even dessert?

“(Kate): I wish there was a cookbook for life, you know? Recipes telling us exactly what to do. / (Therapist): You know better than anyone, it’s the recipes that you create yourself that are the best.” -No Reservations

That may be true, but I think the ones I’ve used before have not given me the results I expected. Blame it on the ingredients, blame on the timing. Whatever it is, they’re either burning, sticking, not rising, or preparing they way they should.

Sounds like this experience is not a ‘well done’ of doing the best I could (which I have), but a ‘well done’ that it has already reached its ‘boiling point’ and there’s nothing else to do. I guess it means that I need to start over from scratch yet again.

Time to use the cookbook (a.k.a., dating app) one more time? Most probably so.

 



et cetera