The New M.E. Generation











The holidays continued and my time got invested on work and coming to terms that the year was quickly about to end.

It had been a difficult and disappointing 12 months. Like previous years, I try to end and start each one with the best face possible.

I try to present to others that I am fine and I’m doing my best to keep going forward with my life. But my reality is way different.

I can’t stop thinking that it has been quite a few years since I became single and feel I’m still stuck on the same place. Both my professional and love life has not improved, and in spite of the efforts to change them, it just doesn’t happen.

If I can summarize it in one word, it would be ‘frustrating’, like the way the ‘beach guy’ makes me feel.

And talking about frustration, I got a reply to one of my messages, which I don’t recalled what I was writing about.

‘My life is not my own. I try not to be next to my phone at all times’.

What the heck are you talking about? You are responsible for your life and that of others. If you’re putting yourself second, maybe, but it doesn’t sound like you.

I know he’s no longer that teenager I once knew. But you don’t get to where he is, personally and professionally, without having a certain level of selfishness.

I’m not talking about a negative attitude or behavior, but how you will manage to get to your goals.

And that thing that you try to be away from your phone, who does that nowadays? Besides, you’re a doctor and I’m sure you’re always ‘on call’; so being unavailable is not an option.

You probably are to everyone except me, which is no surprise, because that’s how guys have pretty much behaved with me.

Oh, boy. Why are the things I wished could be gifted to me can’t be placed in a box?

Advertisements


My vacation was going very well. The days were beautiful and my school friend and I were doing more things that we had planned for.

It was on our second day of the trip that we traveled to his college town. I had visited him during those years and we drove around the beach and other places he had taken me to before. It sure was a trip down ‘memory lane’.

We took photos and everything, and I was glad to be at a location I thought I would never get to visit again. My friend decided to go for a swim, but I opted to sit and enjoy the view.

While he was swimming, I became very nostalgic. The last time I was here was 20+ years ago and, as it has been pretty much my entire life, I questioned my whole existence.

It has been a difficult year and I had no sense of direction of what was to happen next or how I was going to get to the next level.

My friend knew I have been unhappy with anything related to me for the longest time. I was trying to show my best face possible, like in the past, but it wasn’t all working.

I am now older, perhaps wiser, but still pretty much lost. I am at a stage in my life that all I wish for is quite simple: find a man, have a home together, and maybe a family.

I know life is not picture perfect as others have told me (including him) and that the grass is not always greener on the other side.

So, how do I take things from here while sitting at the beach? Don’t have a clue. Hopefully the ocean water will wash all my sadness away.



et cetera