The New M.E. Generation











The next day we exchanged texts again about other random things. Don’t recall what we were chatting about when he says: “I’m sure you’re still as beautiful as ever”.

I was one of those ‘ahhh’ moments that shook me to my core. One of those when you had completely forgotten how good it feels like when reading such a thought like that. And, how are you supposed to respond to such a message?

Honestly, my mind went blank about what to say other than thanking him. Since I’ve never been able to ‘go below the surface’ and find out what he’s really made of, I felt me opening about my feelings now was not the right thing to do.

Another few days later, again talking nonsense, I finally braved up to say: “I was meaning to ask you. Are you seeing anyone?”

He: “Nah.”

Me: “No nurses?” (Recap: he once got involved with another, probably one of many. When I saw on social media that he sent roses to her for Valentine’s and she posted the photo of the arrangement along with all this romantic text thanking him, I unfriended him immediately. I learned later on that when he tried to break-up with her, she threatened to kill herself. This may sound like a General Hospital episode, but no surprise here.

One word: Karma. It’s not the first time that guys say they’re not interested in me, to then hook up with some chick that later turned out to be a psycho bitch, to then reappear as if nothing has happened.’)

Him: “No nurses. Had a GF nurse. Broke up about 4-5 weeks ago.”

(So that’s why he came back… I told you so that there was something more here!)

Him: “I don’t do liars or cheaters.”

Me: “She cheated on you?”

Him: “Yup.”

Me: “Ouch! How did you find out?” (Karma. Again. And I didn’t say I was sorry for what happened to him because I’m not.)

Him: “I went to leave a love note in her wallet and there was someone else’s love note in there.” (Dude, you can’t go into other people’s things! Did you check her phone too while you were at it?)

And, what? He revealed his feelings? He expressed them on paper? Whoa!

But, Karma, again, of course. You never really wanted me and now life is getting back at you. Hurts doesn’t it? Wouldn’t be surprised it was that extremely bleached blond from your photo in the boat.

I don’t remember him being romantic with me, ever. I, on the other hand, was the one who once did write a note to him.

When my school held the annual Farewell Assembly for his graduating class, the custom was that you could send, and had delivered, cards and else from other students.

I decided to send him a card; I debated first whether it was worth doing it or not. After deciding to do so, I then had difficulty deciding what to say beyond the expected congratulations and well wishes.

I probably wrote something to the extent that ‘I will never forget you’, ‘Will miss you’, or ‘You’ll always have a friend here’. Thoughts that we tell others, but not always follow through later on.

Thoughts that in the heat of the moment touch our hearts greatly, to later maybe get forgotten once the day is over and the cards are put away, and we walk out the door towards the next chapter of our life.

I remember the event being held in the auditorium with people from the 7-11 grades. His class was sitting on the stage in about 4 rows of chairs. He happened to be on the first row towards stage left. He was wearing like a light brown suit with the darkest of tans.

My class was also sitting to that side, so I had a good view of him. When someone stood in front of him to give him the envelopes, he first had a look of ‘oh, for me?’. He held his hand open to accept them. 1-2-3-4. By the third one, his eyes opened wide and the face changed to a surprised one.

He read one by one. At one point he looked my way with teary eyes (yes I’m sure!), but don’t know if they were intended for me.

As the activity came to an end, many students jumped on stage to dance to “Come Sail Away“, the chosen theme song. I, of course, took the opportunity to be next to him. He did break out in some dance (yes he did!), and I shed some tears to which he didn’t react to much.

As the years go by, no matter what I do, I always go back to that day when I hear that song.

“I look to the sea; reflections in the waves spark my memory. / Some happy, some sad. / I think of childhood friends and the dreams we had.”

Yep, if only life could be as easy as a day at the beach.

 

 

 

 

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‘So I guess you wouldn’t be interested in meeting me? Seems that your previous experiences weren’t good’, read his message.

For being written at such an early morning time, the depth of the content surprised me. I think any other guy would have already suspended communication.

But, above all, it was what he questioned that hit me. I know he meant the younger men, but has there been someone really worth remembering?

My mind went blank right away thinking on this.

Yes, that’s how bad these relationships have been. There may have been positives on them, but it’s not really something that I would share with others, not even for gossip or as a learning lesson.

I also know each person deserves a break and be treated differently, without using other people as comparison to decipher them.

And he approached me, which is totally different from me chasing others in the past.

But, again, is this worth engaging at, even via emails?

‘It is not if I want to meet you or not, but whether it’s worth doing it. I guess we will never know until we go out’, replied I.

I sent the message and sometime later I regretted what I said. I checked my message and he hadn’t responded to it.

‘Disregard what I said before. It sounds as if I was imposing on you. Seeing each other depends if we both feel comfortable in doing so. I’m totally fine if it doesn’t happen’.

I hate to admit that I have a curiosity to meet him, but it’s probably more for the ‘thrill of the adventure’, which in my world has always led to crash and burn.

So, am I taking the jump or not?



et cetera