The New M.E. Generation

It sucks being at work and then getting an email like this one later in the day when you’re ‘brain drained’ and just want your workday to be over and go home.

Knowing how I have evolved throughout the years, not that I needed to think over what I would say or would respond to it; I just didn’t want to use certain words that I don’t normally use.

If I already have decided to end for good whatever was happening because both of us, there was no need to communicate your thoughts in a way it’s not you.

I wanted to convey that I am confident in my position and feelings, not that his behavior has brought the ugly side of me. And that’s not what I want to be remembered for.

Unfortunately that’s how humans are; we remember the bad as small as it may be. We may do good for the longest time, and then we stumble and everyone takes notice. It doesn’t matter if the good outweighs the other; you’re recognized for how deep you fell.

‘Regarding you unfriending me, it came as no surprise. Truth is me being an old girlfriend is not the problem here regarding your relationship.

It has to do with the wife and her insecurities that I’m going to tear the two of you apart. I’m a threat to her and she needs to erase anything that’s considered to be that.

It happened to me when I was married. My a-hole ex made it clear that he didn’t want me having nothing to do with my male friends even when they were just that, friends.

It made me so miserable and isolated, but he didn’t care. It wasn’t about what was the right thing for the marriage; it was all about him and he alone.

I was lucky that my friends forgave and supported me because they love me as the true person I have always been to them.

I’ll tell you this, when the years go by and your daughter grows up and moves away, and you find yourself all alone with or without your spouse, then you will realize what a mistake it was to have let go of all the people that truly loved you. By that time I will have forgotten about you and not really interested in listening to what you have to say.

Let me ask you, would you have done the same if I were in a relationship? You and I know the answer very well.

And regarding this friendship proposal you always present to me, fact is, I’ve been the one who have been writing and reaching out to you.

This means that once I discontinue doing so, because I know you won’t, that’s it; it’s over. You’re not just unfriending me for a while, it’s for good.

Like with other guys I’ve met, if I’m not the one making the effort here, nothing happens.

So, good luck with your life because you will need it.’

I had been delaying getting my act together in some very important personal matters, like that of health insurance. Dealing with so many things one right after the other, in such a short period of time, have left me brain drained and with not much of a mind to take care of this.

I have been telling myself over and over that I needed to resolve this, but I was also playing mind games with ‘m.e.’

The truth was that I knew that when the time came to fill out the application, I would have to disclose my fertility treatments, which had already cost me being denied for coverage in the past.

It didn’t matter if I haven’t done any in over eight years, or that I was clinically ‘old’ to even attempt one, having been diagnosed as ‘infertile’ is a sure coverage ‘repellent.’

As much as I’ve tried to put this past behind me for good, this chapter in my life has always managed to come back to haunt me one time or another.

And when it does, all the bad memories and emotions blast through my mind in a glimpse of a second. This ‘label’ that the medical profession has given me is the worst feeling in the world, even more of that of being ‘divorced.’

A friend referred me to an insurance agent, made an appointment with her, and she came to my apartment to present me with options. She arrived quite prepared with an assortment of insurers to consider.

I also prepared myself by putting my past emotions aside and stating clearly to the agent that I wanted to do business with her. In other words, doing whatever she needed to do to get me covered.

Our meeting was going well when, sure enough, she asked me that particular question that I was dreading to hear:

“Have you ever undergone any type of medical treatment?”

‘Damn it! Here we go again…’

et cetera