The New M.E. Generation











There was another occasion that I went back to visit him. I believe he was still without a job offer, so I was taking any opportunity to visit him. I think it was a long weekend, so I was told at work we would be left off early, which that usually doesn’t happen, so I didn’t pack my bag on Thursday night. I was also feeling sort of sick, so I figured out of resting Friday night and leaving early Saturday morning would be best.

Turns out we were left off early at work around 1 pm, so I went home, had lunch, packed, and left late around 3pm. It was crazy doing that, especially considering it takes minimum 4 hours to get to the location. On top of that, I still didn’t had a smartphone, so I relied on printed map directions, which took me really far off track.

When I got to the house it was already dark and I was very hungry. He greeted me sort of cold (as in ‘why did you had lunch at home? I stop along the way and buy a coffee or something when I travel by car’; that was another comment he always made when doing road trips) and when he saw how overwhelmed I was with the trip, he decided to ‘lend’ me a GPS he had in his car.

“If you give it to me, how are you going to manage?” asked I.

“I’m now using the maps app on my mobile. I kept the device as a backup. But I prefer that you use it; a woman like you, driving all alone such distances, you need something more secure,” said he.

I appreciated his gesture, but was puzzled by it, considering how complicated he has been behaving with me. It made me remember the guy I used to know.

On Saturday morning, my then friend had plans to visit the elderly couple friend of his to which I declined again. His best friend appeared and saved the day by taking me out. We pretty much did the same as before of going to lunch and walking around a restaurant area for a drink. No flea market though.

Unfortunately, when this guy and his mom were driving back from the visit, the mom’s car broke down on the highway and had to be towed.

At no time did he call his friend or me to ask for help. When we all got back home, my then friend was beyond angry. His eyes seemed about to pop out of his face for the intensity of his feelings.

Worst part was he again vented his frustrations at me that I didn’t do anything for them, but didn’t confront his friend.

“We’re talking here about an old woman who is sick, needed her meds, and hadn’t eaten for hours. At least some food could have been brought back,” said he.

I didn’t say a word the whole evening. I just got into the room I was staying, closed the door and stayed there. I think he later came around to suggest for me buying her mom lunch the next day to make up for it.

He also had a drink in his hand, which was pretty loaded. He offered it to me several times to share; I took sips, but small ones because it was too strong for me. It felt like one of those that people take when you need to ‘cool off’ about something bad.

What I felt like was crying, but I didn’t show it. I put on a strong face like he has always done and that I learned from him.

The next day his friend joined us again, so we went to a bar where I bought a round of drinks for everyone to make up for the day before. On Sunday we met up with my friend’s father and wife for lunch, supposedly as an invitation from the dad, but my friend ended up putting money for the tip or something.

My friend has been on this ‘on and off’ relationship with his dad as long as I remembered. There was even a time that they didn’t speak for years because, according to my friend, the dad wouldn’t tell the truth about certain situations, or avoided giving answers about anything related to him.

My friend also complained that his dad was very stingy and always put himself first. For example, when the father sold his business to retire, he didn’t consult him if he would have been interested in running it. The dad gave each child a portion of the sale, and that was it.

My friend was trying to have the best relationship possible, but I could tell he was still holding anger towards him and wasn’t willing to let that emotion go. In other words, he had no intentions of forgiving him.

The next day I had breakfast and left as early as I could, especially after my overextended travel on Friday. I was putting the GPS to the test, but used the excuse of driving alone, to get home when there was still daylight, to get away from the unfortunate moments that had transcribed.

I also felt farther away from him than distance itself. I had now transitioned into a new stage in my life and wasn’t feeling I needed his advice so much. I was more confident about myself and didn’t want anything to jeopardize that.

I guess I’ll just let the GPS do more than just lead the way.

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The next thing I remember about this guy is that he called to tell me that he finally located a position within his current employer…. In the Pacific!

“The Pacific?? What happened to the opening two states from you?” said I.

“The closer one, there could be a possibility a year from now. I tried negotiating for that, but I don’t know right now if it will happen. The one in the Pacific is the only thing available if I want to stay working with this company,” replied he.

I was listening to him and didn’t know what to think. This location didn’t feel good to me because of the distance, but it’s upsetting that he was now in this situation. He should have started searching for a job way back, but he didn’t because he wanted ‘to be in good standing’ with the people who helped him get the last one.

That may sound very ‘bromantic’, but when your bills pile up, they’re surely not going to help you on that. Honestly, he was being a cop out. The guy I knew always had a plan that knew well when and how to execute, and wouldn’t wait for no one to help him; he took charge right away and wouldn’t stop until accomplished.

“I’ve spent many hours at church thinking this over and this is where He wants me to be,” said he.

Oh, Lord. Here we go again. Nothing new as to the way he was now dealing with anything in his life, except that something way beyond you has control over you (which sounds more like that psycho ex of his).

“I respect your decision, you know I always do. Maybe this is good for you after all you’ve gone through? You’ve always managed to turn things around for the best before,” said I.

“The thing is I will be living at a military base and it don’t allow cars, so will rely on a bicycle they will have to supply to me. Plus, my mobile won’t work over there. The location is pretty, but the time difference and new environment will be a challenge,” said he.

Oh, definitely that and more. This is what I’m talking about; had he done his homework of getting a job earlier, this conversation would be way different.

He then proceeded to explain the decision to leave was done and he was departing rather quickly to avoid the expenses when without a job, like rent. He had already set aside a storage space for one of his cars and another for his personal belongings. He was to leave a second car with his mom.

That’s one thing I had forgotten about. His cars. And they were three. Why so many? Because, according to him, if one broke down, he would have two others to use and not be without wheels.

I remember his first one, which he acquired back home second hand and used to give it basic maintenance himself. I also remembered that another one of the three kept having problems, and he would drive it to the dealer in his previous location to service it, costing him vacation days, money, gas, etc.

It was quite a few times he did that trip back and forth, as the car kept having problems after the dealer worked on it. He would drive for days to get back home. We would speak for hours on the phone and as long he could stay awake, to then check in at a motel to rest, and then continue his journey the next day.

I never understood the need of a third vehicle or keeping one that was problematic, or taking it to the dealer for repair when he knows well it’s always more expensive.

We’re talking about triple insurance policies, gas, maintenance costs, etc., and now an additional storage space to pay for. There’s no value on that, not even sentimental.

Reality is he was being a hoarder trying to fulfill some emotional void he lacked. Had he being in his right mind, he would have stayed with just one, two tops, and gotten rid of the problematic one as soon as it started being a burden. He wouldn’t show any emotions towards a vehicle; he would be objective and would get rid of anything that wasn’t working any more (including people).

Unfortunately, he was now clinging to the wrong things, including the loser ex, the residues of a toxic relationship, a codependency with questionable religious people, an unstable life, and uncertain future.

And now you’re leaving to the Pacific? Hmm. Maybe this is more about that he’s running away from it all than anything else. So, it is good, is it bad? Can I say that there’s always something good within the bad? I guess this is what it means when they say that ‘the universe works in mysterious way’. Please hold.



I opened my closet door and asked myself what I was so nervous about. I’m at home in my own domain, meaning I should take hold of what happens this night.

I decided to go for a simple dress and be comfortable. Also something not too dressy in case I needed to assist with the cooking.

This guy arrived on time with bags of food and a recipe he downloaded. As in true college fashion, he came with jeans and a shirt.

Before he got down to business, I gave him a quick tour of my place. When he saw my living room TV, he made a comment of how small it was for him and that he would never be able to live with it.

I felt like replying, ‘likewise with your big ass TV’. I feel mine is a reflection of my simplicity and he of a big ego or perhaps insecurities he needs to divert off from others.

When he saw the one in my room, which was inherited from my past life and is a cross between the traditional models with a flat screen before the full transition occurred, he said, ‘whoa, this is a really old TV!’.

Hmm, the one who’s feeling old now is me.

“No, it’s not that old. Beside, I like it. I can play movies and the colors are still good,” said I.

Why am I explaining my TV situation to him? And why is it such a big deal? It’s a household item that once it breaks down, I can get a new one anywhere for a great price.

I admit it’s my primary source of entertainment and connection to the outside world, but I don’t treat it as my life depended on it.

I am trying not to get upset by his remarks, but it’s starting to, especially because I’m at my own house, so I shifted my attention to the cooking.

He was to prepare breaded chicken with pasta. He wanted to follow the recipe exactly and from what I could read, it seemed pretty healthy.

I let him take over the kitchen to do his thing, all I did was stand close by and provide him with what he needed.

I stood at the kitchen doorway and tried my best not to be anxious about someone new invading my space and in control of something as simple as making dinner.

But it was inevitable for me to be micro-managing everything, like washing all items used so they wouldn’t pile up in the sink, putting things away, and cleaning the counter.

I was somewhat tired when all was prepared and we sat down at the table to eat.

It has been quite some years sitting face to face at a table having dinner at home. I then remembered how I much I enjoyed doing that in college. It’s a memory that was almost forgotten.

It was a feeling like watching an old episode of a show that you used to love. Question is: will this night and situation ‘get cancelled’ after it’s over or will it be worthy of a ‘re-run’?



et cetera