The New M.E. Generation











{June 27, 2016}   The Ex-Friend 41 – I spy

I kept to myself after this conversation with the mom. My bestie, though, knew pretty much what was going on with this guy. She had managed by herself, or through others, how to find out the information she needed. Her tactics seemed taken out of a thriller novel.

There was also the situation that because my BFF used her credit card to finance all of his expenses before and after he left to the Pacific, she has to contact him every month to get payment from him.

“If it was me, I would have long gone from his life, but I’m stuck with this issue until he pays it off. Doing payments of $100 each will take forever to do so,” said she. “I’ve even told him he should get a loan to pay me in full to get this over with and I can disconnect from him as well.

He then tries to play with my emotions by saying, ‘I thought you and I were friends’, that ‘you know I’m in a tight financial situation’, ‘I don’t have a stable job right now’,  blah blah blah, even threaten that he won’t speak to me again if I get insistent on this.

But he wouldn’t dare do anything he says he will. He always said to me that ‘I am a very resourceful person’. He knows I have connections with people or ways to resolve things that would make his life miserable.

I remember when he broke up with the bitch and telling me that ‘she never did anything good for him and would have never accomplished in a year what I can in a day’.

Worst part is that sometimes he gives me a hard time to make a payment, or is delayed to do so, and when I text him about it he doesn’t reply, etc., only to find out he’s been vacationing with that bitch. How fucked up is it that he doesn’t have money to pay me, but does to travel, when I’m basically the one who made that possible for him, only to turn around and go back with that bitch who has never supported him financially?

And regarding his work situation, I’ve even gone as far as send him job links for him to apply to which he doesn’t. He keeps giving me all these excuses, keeps relying on his former ‘bro’ colleagues  (‘or putting in the Lord’s hands’ as he says) to find a job for him, or does nothing at all. No wonder when his contract expires he’s jobless.

I quickly tell him that ‘help yourself and God will help you’, that sitting his ass in the couch and creating a dent on it is not going to do anything for him, that he keeps ignoring the signs life is throwing at him that he, and only him, is the one to blame for his outcomes.

He’s quick to text all this bible passages with religious emoticons, trying to make me feel guilty about what I’ve said or point the finger at me. But I put him down, and in his place, each and every time. I’m not letting him get off the hook that easily. Not on my watch.”

“Girl, you’re my hero,” said I. Even more, she will be the one that takes him down. All things come around and when they do, the karma destined to him will hit him back. And when that happens I will be ‘sitting at my balcony, staring at my enemies walk by’ with a nice cold drink at hand, watching the action unfold like in any good movie.

“Women are more dangerous than shotguns” (The Godfather). Yes we are (my bestie and me, that is).

 

Advertisements


{September 21, 2015}   The Ex-Friend 2 – Not seeing it

This guy started talking about a girl he had a relationship with, that they had broken up, but somehow he ended up in her apartment, had sex with her because she managed to get that from him, and when he left the place, was so upset with himself, that he hit the hood of his car so hard it created a dent.

The woman was sitting at the balcony laughing, but not at the car, but at him for getting what she wanted.

The way he referred to the laugh was one of sarcasm, almost as if she was getting even or didn’t care anything about him.

I was listening to him quietly and still in shock, not because of this story, but for this mystery woman.

In all the years we have been friends, I only knew of one during high school. I had seen him with her once in her school. He introduced me to her; I don’t recall if they were holding hands or not, but the way they walked clearly showed they had something together.

The other time I remember her was at a career day at her school. She was alone, but we talked to each other briefly and she never asked me anything about my relationship with this guy.

Looking back I don’t know why I didn’t question him. We both had significant others, but he said that he had feelings for me.

How did this didn’t raise a red flag with me? Was as I too naive, trusted him blindly, or perhaps I was too much into myself that I simply didn’t get it?

And then during and post college years, he didn’t mention any love interests either from his side. In my mind he had never lost his feelings for me. And our conversations usually centered around me as well.

He had his issues as well, but his approach and tone of voice were one of understanding why it was or had happened, and had resolved or come to terms with it, which was the opposite of me.

We had been close friends for the longest time, sharing the good and bad, to the point that we knew the other more than we did ourselves.

So why didn’t he tell me about this, especially when it was obvious that it ended in a chaotic way?

He had always known about the guys in my life, and now with my then ex-spouse, a relationship that at that moment was stable and solid.

I kept listening to him and this guy wanted to talk at that moment. That’s how desperate he was. He was way more broken than when he told me about his grandmother. In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever seen him this way.

I didn’t wanted to let him down, but I was also on my way to see my then ‘x’. It was a delicate balancing act I never had before.

What I recall after this is that we agreed to discuss it either in person or phone. I continued to my ex’s apartment and didn’t tell him about the incident.

I don’t remember if the conversation ever happened, but I’m sure I probably felt guilty for leaving my friend all sad behind.

He had always been the main man in my life, but now things had changed for me, and certainly for him.

Yep, no matter what, things never remain the same, ever. And it’s not necessarily life that does it, mostly it’s because of us, and many times in the worst of ways.

It’s like a low blow that you didn’t see it coming.



After graduating from high school and going to college, our communication decreased even more. I was like him; my mind was focused on the future of leaving home and starting a new life outside all that surrounded me.

I still learned about him through his family and always sent my regards, and whenever we saw each other or spoke, it was as if neither time nor space had affected our relationship.

Such an example of this was when I was on my sophomore year; my boyfriend came to visit and out of nowhere he called me. I don’t know how he got my number, but I completely dedicated my attention to him. I believe it has been over a year from last we spoke, and I was more than happy to talk to him.

It was one of those conversations that could last for hours. I was ignoring my then BF, but he didn’t complaint or got upset with me. Our relationship was on the brink of ending, so I think he remembered what this guy had told him about me, and probably didn’t want the situation to become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

The next year we broke up, well, I broke it off, for many reasons beyond him pressuring me. My friend and I were resumed our conversations from that day on and he invited me to go visit him for Spring Break. I quickly jumped at the opportunity.

Because I didn’t have that much money, the year before I went home. Although there were plenty of beaches, I was curious to experience what a real event like this was about.

I was attending college in the Northeast and he in the South, at a city famous for hosting these breaks. This was the ultimate college moment that anyone needed to do at least once. Getting out of the cold was even better.

My friend’s schedule was different than mine, but he was living at a 2-bedroom apartment off campus with another guy, plus he had a car.

This was the perfect scenario for me; we could spend some time together and I would have some independence to venture out on my own.

He living at an apartment felt better than visiting him at a dorm full of men. It also avoided the question of where I would sleep.

Knowing how my friend was, I was certain he would have a sofa I could crash on. I never asked him before my arrival about this, but I believed he offered his bed for myself.

I wasn’t worried; I was confident I would arrive to a safe, clean place that anyone would enjoy staying at. I was sure that I would have a memorable vacation, one that I now look back upon fondly, but filled with certain moments I never thought would repeat in other circumstances many years later.

And now that details are slowly coming back to mind, I ask myself (or perhaps the universe) if these were coincidental or meant to occur (even when they had nothing to do with me directly) to test (or perhaps prepare) me for the present life?

Let’s just say, you’ve been warned.



Ivan came over again and, this time, he looked really bad! His facial expression was a combination between being horribly shocked and ‘I can’t believe this happened to me.’

He and I sat down on the same chairs we did before. It was almost surreal meeting again. It had been a while, but it felt like it was the other day when he told me about his problems.

But now he looked even worse. I was beyond feeling sorry for him. Seriously, this guy was in such bad shape it felt like there was nothing that could be done to help him feel better.

I sat next to him and held his hand once more. I had no idea what to tell him, but I gave it a shot.

“You probably know, but you don’t look good.” (Maybe not.)

He wasn’t affected by my comment. “Listen, I’m really sorry for what happened. I never thought it would. You told me things were bad, but I thought the two of you would work things out.”

He was still not saying anything. “OK, I do understand what happened to you and, like I said before, you don’t have to go through this alone, even less now.”

“I know,” said he, “and I appreciate it. But, I have some fault in all this. I should have handled the relationship another way.”

“Hold on a second! Things were bad and you may have made mistakes, but that doesn’t give her permission to go out and cheat on you.

If she was so unhappy, she should have broken up with you. She then could have done whatever she wanted. But, no, instead, she gets back at you the most hurtful of way!” (Now I was getting really mad!)

Ivan’s expression sort of changed to ‘what’s up with her?’ Yep, my past experiences and feelings got suddenly relieved through another person. I quickly took notice and switched modes.

“Sorry,” said I, “but it upsets me how you feel about yourself. It’s not fair to do that in an effort to find a reason to all this. There are times when we never do. Right now learn from it, vow never to make those mistakes again, and move on. That’s all you can do at this time.”

Wow, listen to myself talk! Ivan was so overwhelmed, nothing really registered on his mind. But it was ok, I was glad he was here and that I somehow managed to give him some comfort (I think).

And, like the first time around, Ivan didn’t say much and thanked me before he left.

I was somewhat concerned about his wellbeing when he did. But, that’s for him to deal with. I think I have done for him all that I could.

You know what? I think he’s going to be all right, and so am I.



et cetera