The New M.E. Generation

{December 12, 2016}   The Swipe 12 – Rebound to fail

Thank goodness I was scheduled to leave to my trip with Dina shortly after this brief thing with Cameron ended. But when she and I were at the airport, she asked me what was going on with that.

I didn’t wanted to get into details, so I only told her that he came with the excuse of having issues and that I didn’t appreciate being used. She mentioned she had recently been in a similar situation, but wasn’t upset about it, and that I shouldn’t take it personal.

What she doesn’t know (or doesn’t want to) is that we’re both ‘rebounds’.

What is a rebound? To put it simply, it’s basically a distraction to keep a guy or girl from thinking about their recent breakup. If a guy goes into a rebound relationship, he’s looking for a quick way to get over his ex by being with someone else. But what he’s really doing is projecting his feelings about his ex onto a new girl – in a sense, he’s using the new girl.

People who go into rebound relationships don’t go into them with the intention of using someone or hurting someone else. They usually think they’re helping themselves… that’s what makes rebounds so tricky.” (Jessica Booth – 7 signs you’re in a rebound relationship)

You see? I was right all along. Cameron used me and because he’s only thinking about himself (“it was good for me to go out with you”), he doesn’t see the negative of his actions.

Regarding his 4-month relationship with the 24 year old (that I mentioned would expand upon), there’s details to discuss.

He might have said he’s done with children, but if you haven’t had a vasectomy yet, then you’re still contemplating having more in the future. Case in point: Cameron said he wished he would have had a boy.

She probably knew her chances with him were slim, but many women think that the sex they will give their man will be so good, that it will magically made them change their mind. The men will be so ‘head over heels’ that they will have a child to prove their love.

But after 4 months of ‘spreading their legs for free’, they put the men between ‘the wall and the sword’, because they’re expecting a commitment.

This is what happened between Cam and her when the ‘honeymoon’ was over. He pulled out the baby card when confronted, saving his ass from looking like the bad person, and abruptly ended the relationship.

Reality is Cameron was with her just for the sex, maybe her youth and beauty. She was just a means to an end while his divorce happens. And when a woman gets demanding with a guy who has no other interests with you, the faster they run away. Cameron used her and she became another rebound victim. I assure you that they would still be together if that conversation wouldn’t have happened.

So what’s my future prediction for Cameron? For starters, if he continues being a rebound guy, he will fail over and over again. Karma will be stepping on his toes until he get it right. But even if he does, it’s not going to let him get off the hook that easily yet.

What I mean by this is that he has to pay for what he did to others, and that payback will not hit him directly, but will come through those he loves the most: his daughters.

Let me tell you a story. When my then high school friend and I were that (please see ‘The Ex-Friend’ story), he mentioned to me that once when he was visiting his sister’s home after she gave birth to her second daughter, they started talking about their mom having a relationship with a married man.

He expressed being totally against it; she said something to the extent that ‘as long as mom is happy, I’m fine with it’, to which he said, “would you allow your daughters to do the same?”, to which she replied, “no!! I would never allow it!!”

“There you have it,” said he. “That’s why you didn’t have one, but two daughters.”

The point in their conversation was that when something is wrong, it will always be wrong. It has nothing to do with making someone happy or that it’s good for you.

The reason why Cameron had girls is because the older will be his mirror and the second will be the one he will do good with.

His eldest is 13, starting out in life. There will be the day that a guy will appear, telling her all that she wants to hear, making her believe she’s the best thing in the world, promising her the moon and stars, to one day dumping her for no good reason. She won’t see it coming.

She will go to her father crying and confused as to what happened (“he told me he loved me; he left me through a text; he’s already seeing someone else; what did I do?”).

It will be then that he will see himself reflected on her and realize all the collateral damage he has done. He will understand that the hurt his daughter is feeling is the same he inflicted on other women.

It would be as almost as the screenplays he writes, except that now he has the chance to give them another ending. His daughters will be the main characters, the ones to give him a front row seat to the movie he doesn’t want to watch. But if he decides to rewrite his life, the story of the rebound guy will no longer be.

So when the second daughter grows, Cameron will be there to lead her (“I don’t want you to go through what your sister did”). It doesn’t guarantee there won’t be heartbreaks, but it’s a start, for both of them.

The last I knew about Cameron was through the dating app. I was swiping and I saw his name; the photos were those he doesn’t appear, the same ones in his social media.

‘This is so stupid,’ I thought to myself. ‘He’s a moron if he thought I wouldn’t recognize him. And wasn’t he dealing with issues? Obviously not!’

He knew he would see my profile; that’s why he didn’t post any images of himself. I felt like texting him, ‘You couldn’t be more obvious’.

I had a great time on my trip, so much that I almost took on Dina’s advice of not being upset with Cameron, and considered giving him a call. But that quickly went away as soon as I landed back to reality.

Today I look back at this with mixed feelings. I should know by now that one should never date a guy who’s in mid-divorce or rebounding.

If he ever calls (which I’m sure he won’t), I will listen to what he has to say, but won’t accept anything from him, even apologies. That’s because sometimes one has to take that stand for others to understand how we feel. And them hopefully learn. And change. Maybe I will be part of that karma that he needs to work this.

Whatever it is, one thing is for sure: time to swipe some more again.



{November 14, 2016}   The Swipe 8 – Two to tango

In spite all these major details from him, the night went along well, so much that we were basically the last two present at the bar when it was already time to close.

Neither one of us specifically verbalized that ‘I would like to see you again’. Cameron did show an interest in getting together again, but it had more to do when he would be available to do so.

He mentioned that he was going to have an irregular schedule with his daughters for the next 2 weeks of having them every other day, including the weekends, because of something that had to do with his spouse. So the choices were to either meet on the free weekdays, or wait all the way until these weeks were up.

Thinking that he’s most probably on a tight budget, I suggested going the inexpensive route of cooking dinner at either one’s home.

I went as far as telling him that I had a bbq that hasn’t been used for years and would be nice to bring out of retirement, to which he totally was all up for.

‘Let’s do the effort’ was how he basically summarized it. True, and at least he’s talking about 2 people doing this together. ‘It takes 2 to tango’ applied here perfectly, since he’s from that very same country for which it’s famous for.

The next time we decided to meet was to be at his place after work, as he was to cook dinner for me. I agreed to this because I wanted to see where and how he lived (distance of his home from mine, learn if he was a tidy person, etc.) before I decided to invite him home (or not) afterwards.

I believe it was on a Tuesday (he wouldn’t have his daughters that day) that we agreed to meet and, of course, the universe throws something at me of ‘biblical proportions’ that it was either putting me (or situation) to the test, or warning me in advance that this might not work out all together.

To begin with, it started raining late in the afternoon with such magnitude, I was wondering if I didn’t get the memo that a major storm was visiting town. There was so much water that it created a huge traffic jam way before my leave time.

All I could do was stare out my office window, praying that this would go away soon, while keeping Cameron up-to-date on this situation.

I was feeling upset because something always happens with a guy, always. And Cameron had made his effort of leaving work at a descent time to make dinner for me, and now I didn’t even know if I was to make it.

It all cleared out some time after 8pm, but in spite of this hour and driving on the expressway, you always hit traffic, thus delaying me for a good 45 minutes (including finding his location for the first time).

When I finally reached my destination, I took a look around. The area wasn’t bad and his building wasn’t that impressive either. It was located next to the water, but could tell it didn’t even had a pool.

Cameron came downstairs to guide me towards a parking spot. When I was done he says to me, “I wished my apartment didn’t face the street. I could enjoy this view every night.” ‘Ah, yeah, if you say so…’, I thought to myself. Blame it on me growing up in the Caribbean for the lack of excitement.

Upon entering the building, I noticed it had its years, and the decor (or lack of thereof) didn’t help either, making it look somewhat sad. His apartment was really simple and hasn’t been updated that much other than doing the necessary needed to make it livable.

It was a one-bedroom/bath with kitchen and family. For furniture, he had a dining table, a sofa, and drawer beds for his girls. His room only had a bed and night table. I took a peak at his closet and it was full of t-shirts, jeans and casual footwear. I wondered if these were all he had or there were some other stuff left at his former home.

In the conversation we had during dinner, he mentioned that the apartment ‘was economical’, which made sense considering how much a divorce can cost.

We continued on the topic of how to deal with oneself during a crisis, and he said that he was meeting with a therapist. One of the things he has been discussing is that he has gotten lost as a person when his children were born.

I told him that this is what usually happens, but more to women than men; that if he has been involved in raising his children, kudos for him, as men normally don’t change their agendas. Women are expected to change their name and personality, to then become a wife and mother, morphing into something that many times doesn’t even remotely resemble who they were when getting married.

His main mode of therapy is writing movie scripts, an interest he had neglected for quite a while. He explained that he gets up like an hour earlier than he used to, writes like a page or so, then makes breakfast (and wakes up the girls when around), cleans up, gets them to school, followed by him getting to work.

He says he is taking more advantage of the day and feeling more focused, plus reviving a side of him he had almost lost. I replied to him that ‘anything that you believe is positive for you, go for it.’

The next day I texted my bestie for her opinion about my current state of affairs. She kept saying, ‘go with the flow’. ‘I heard men from that country are great lovers and cooks,’ added she.

I know I have to take things slowly, but, unfortunately, this guy is going through a nasty divorce, of which I don’t know when it will get resolved. After that is the collateral damage he will still continue to deal with, plus his children, work, and adjusting to life again as a single man. Add to the mix that failed 4-month relationship with the 24 year old.

Sounds familiar? Yeah. Almost like me (minus the kids). It’s been more than 5 years since being single and I’m still figuring things out.

Question is, if I keep going out with him, will he be willing to ‘take a step further’ and include me in his life, and if so, will I be able to ‘dance to his beat’?

Oh Lord, why does my existence always feels like a sad country song? Time to bring out that good ol’ guitar and violin please!

et cetera