The New M.E. Generation











{September 26, 2016}   The Swipe – Left or right

I met with Dina for Sunday brunch. It has been a while since we’ve gotten together. She invited some other girlfriends of her to join us as well.

I personally don’t mind that because it’s always good to meet new people and just have plain conversations about anything. Of course, the topic always turns to men.

I don’t know how it came up, but one of the other women started talking about these new mobile dating apps that are super easy to use. I’ve heard about those that you see a photo of the person with some basic info like first name, location, work title (if provided), and deciding if you like the person or not, you simply swipe right for yes, left for no.

The next step is that, hopefully, the person that you liked had done the same for you previously and a connection is established. It’s then up to you to try to continue with such connection, as you only have about 24 hours to communicate with the other person before it’s lost for good. Sound simple, but it pushes you to take quick action.

The woman opened her profile to show me the app. I noticed the age range and it was in the mid to late 30’s. There were many nice looking guys for her to consider.

I kept looking at what the app provided and also at her. She had a friendly personality, nicely dressed, has a good job, and is in the same situation as me. We have qualities that any guy would wish for (I think) and we can’t find someone. How crazy is that?

I downloaded the app while still there, but didn’t open it, as I felt it would be disrespectful from my part. I may try to be digitally up-to-date, but will not act like the current generation that its glued to their device every waking moment. This you handle in privacy when you get home. And I did.

I opened the app once I settled down, created the profile, added photos, etc., and off I went. The results were a bit of everything: some men looked good enough to consider; others looked way older than me; others were definitely a no right from the first photo appearing; others had photos at different ages; others had photos other than themselves (kids, dog, beach, stupid GIFs or memes). You name it, I saw it.

But before you do the swipe, you have to read the location of where each one lives and any information they might have provided that sheds some light as to what they want.

There were some that were just too far away for me, meaning it will always be difficult when having to see each other. Doing the ‘meet you in the middle’ will not work in the long run.

Other closer locations I consider ‘manageable’; they’re easy to get to or are ones that I could consider moving to in the future if anything became serious. I know I’m jumping ahead of myself, but you have to consider any scenario from the start, not later, and avoid the ‘it’s complicated’ dilemma.

Others, after reading the info, including their profession, you just realize you have nothing in common, or they’re out of your (and their) league. I am trying to be as open as possible to anything out of my comfort zone. But there’s some people that you just know by the way they’re behaving in the photos, what they’re wearing, or other physical aspects, that it will never happen, not even if the planets aligned or the world is about to end. Not only do you know, you feel it.

And the ‘out of league’, those guys that spend every available time in the beach, gym, or similar activities, want someone like them. Period. End of story.

Ladies, take it from me: they’re not going to stop pumping irons with their buddies or change their schedule for you, unless you do so for them or are into the same thing. The ‘trophy woman’ will not work unless you’re into bodybuilding or have a jacked-up body.

Other ‘outs’ (as mentioned above), include those that claim that travel constantly (pleasure or work), or have photos attending some fabulous event. This may look very chic and glamorous, but unless you’re in those inner circles, have the money to be a globetrotter, or afford to be at the level of those activities, chances are you will not be the woman for him.

It also applies to guys who are CEO’s or entrepreneurs. I’m not saying to sell yourself short, but these guys who are very successful, want women who are accomplished in a similar business/corporate measure.

You may be happy with your job and feel fulfilled with what you do, but if you’re not even close to where he is professionally, you will always look second place next to him, maybe a bimbo, or someone who’s with this guy for some personal agenda you have.

Don’t get me wrong; you may have your self-esteem and confidence in the right place and will not feel intimidated, but it will become an issue somewhere in the long run.

Also, stay away from guys who say they’re in town for a week. You’re not an escort (and have no idea what they left behind back home). Believe me when I say he won’t remember you once he’s gone. All they want is that their ‘layover’ turns into ‘getting laid over and over’ again.

Unfortunately, life is not fair, on anything. It’a jungle out there, even for finding a guy. So if you’re ready for this technology, then get your finger ready and start swiping.

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I don’t know how long I stayed sitting in the stairs staring down at him. At times my mind wandered away like I have so many times, thinking and overanalyzing everything in my life, without coming to conclusions to any of my concerns.

The stairs were a sort of shelter of my then emotions. It was as if I had intentionally sat in the middle in order to push myself to make a decision about my future.

You either go backwards, or up, and rethink your tactics of what to do, or ignore your issues all together and do nothing.

Or, just go down, or for it, with or without a plan.

But staying in the middle, or limbo, is the worst place to be, because you’re there in a sort of ‘comfort zone’ that doesn’t allow you to ‘move’ into anything.

And as I was into myself, my friend suddenly woke up with an abrupt ‘hey’ like when you had some sort of bad dream.

He looked at me a little confused. “How long have you been sitting there?” asked he.

“A while, I think,” said I. Surprisingly I was calm.

“I was so asleep, but something shook me.” Maybe it was my presence that did it.

I have a vague memory of how things transcended next, but I did walk down the stairs to where he was.

I believe I sat in the sofa to talk to him. But my next memory is that he took me in his arms and kissed me. I can’t recall what lead to this.

This was the first time it happened and it was totally unexpected, and one that I wasn’t at all hoping for during this trip or any time later, period.

It wasn’t bad, but knowing he had feelings for me, I guess it needed to happen, first, to get it over with, and second, finally experience his affection in a more personal way.

What transcended after is more vague. I believe we did go out that night and something happened during the outing that made me decide on allowing him to share the bed with him, as in resting only (for real!).

Perhaps the sofa became too uncomfortable. Or maybe it had to do with his roommate’s activities that were so ‘noisy’ that made more sense for him being in his own room to avoid any contact.

Now thinking back on this, it was weird. If he had feelings for me, considered me pretty, and you’re finally taking a step forward with the kiss, why not follow to the next level?

Reality was he probably applied the advice he gave to my ex-boyfriend that he would lose me if pressured me into something I wouldn’t want to do.

My friend probably realized, like me sitting in the stairs, that he had 2 choices: leave things as they were and keep the friendship. Or, take a step downward that would make me walk out the door to never return, ending our friendship for good.

“I’m not letting a friendship of so many years get affected by anything,” was something he would express to me many times throughout the years. And I believed him because he practiced what he preached.

Me, I did had a choice regarding the outcome after the kiss, to which I decided not to pursue. Besides not having the same love feelings for him that he had for me, there was something holding me back from this ‘good to be true’ scenario.

What was that made me stay in the middle of the stairs? What was that feeling of going back up and away from that guy down there that was telling me, ‘don’t do it’?

Don’t know, but I’ll try getting an answer after I sleep on it.



‘For a lack of a better word, you were hot!’ said he. (Could you please expand?) ‘I wasn’t the only one thinking this way. I would say that was pretty much the consensus of the guys living on my dorm floor as well.

I know they were envious of me dating you, especially my friend who encouraged me to contact you. Every time he has asked me about you, he would always say just that.’

Which dorm was this? I have no recollection of any of this. How many times was I actually there?

‘What I remember about you was that you had a beautiful face, fit body, great smile, and because you had a different cultural background than the majority of the people on campus, you were exotic and made you stand out.’

Hmm, being fit? That’s one thing I have to disagree. I do remember gaining some weight and taking it off was quite difficult, which made me insecure.

Also, I was into doing my make-up and having my hair styled. But my clothes at times weren’t the best for my body. I think I was more into the comfort part than being fashion forward. So if I was perceived as having a nice body, my efforts in looking good were indeed paying off.

In regards to standing out, I thought I was just average or blended with the rest of the girls in school. It’s true that my background made me different, but I never used it to get attention from others.

But with all my insecurities and else that I had before still impressed this guy, then there was something about me that indeed made me different.

Or, was it something else? Was it all my looks? Was there more between me and him?

I presented this question in my next email.



I started looking at the photos of the guys and some caught my attention right away, and others got a quick ‘no’ when I saw them.

I promised myself that I would keep an open mind during this process. Meaning, to not only look for a date that seemed physically attractive to me, but also to look for guys who were out of my ‘comfort zone’ (those that mentally resembled what I only knew of before, a.k.a., my ‘x’), and go for those that had potential as well as substance.

My goal was to find someone who had the physical ‘goods’, but totally the opposite personality of ‘that guy’ in my past life. And this would be the deal breaker for sure.

Honestly, what good is a guy who could I consider cute, if he’s shallow, selfish, has an entitlement complex, narcissist, controlled by his mother, lacks empathy or is dysfunctional?

Yep, I just described that person who is no longer part of my life, and maybe I will be very selective in my choices (maybe too much). But I will definitely not allow myself to fall back into the same situation as when I was married. I think I have learned my lesson quite well.

This is where profiles come into play. Dating sites encourage presenting oneself to others the best way possible. Too little information can signal you’re hiding something. Too much can backfire at you.

You run the risk of people not reading it (who has time to read anything anyways nowadays?), or it’s seen as giving out too much into the world that is not necessary at this time.

There’s no element of surprise or interest that can develop in meeting you. You already presented your entire life for everyone else to read.

For me, it became interesting reading some of the profiles. You could tell if people dedicated time to it or maybe just had too much time on their hands.

So, after basically looking at endless of them, some guys really caught my attention, and decided to join the site I was visiting. This entitles me having to create a profile as well.

Now that’s going to be a challenge. Question is, how much am I willing to ‘expose’? Also, what if I don’t get the results I want? I mean, what if any of the guys I try to contact turn out to have no interest in me?

Yes, there is the possibility that, once again, I’ll end up in the same place I am right now; alone.

No, I’m not going there. Something good has to come out of this. It has to.



{November 14, 2008}   The Bostonian 10 – Remember?

We returned to campus after lunch. Annette and I were to walk around campus on our own, so we had to say good-bye to Dr. S in front of his office building.

After all these years of waiting for a reunion and a quick lunch, it was once again time for me to depart. I mean, what are the chances that this reunion might happen again?

I hugged Dr. S the same way I did back when he hand me my diploma and started to cry. I’m as confused as on graduation day and scared what the future holds for me.

“Remember that I thanked you for believing in me?” I said to Dr. S. “That is something that has always stayed with me. You don’t how much that has inspired me.”

“I remember,” he said. “I’ve never forgotten it. I still have the picture of that moment somewhere in my office.”

“What’s going to happen to me?” I asked him.

Dr. S kissed my forehead. “I know exactly what you’re going through, and I assure you that you will come out of this just fine.”

I avoid saying good-bye and I’m having difficulty letting go. When you’re in college one is in a comfort zone you just don’t want to loose because the real world is hard to come by.

My marriage was the same; a fish bowl that I in part created to be safe and risk-free so life could flow uninterrupted. More than ending a relationship of many years, I didn’t want to let go of the security that had always guarded me. I was afraid of facing the real world again on my own, with no one there to hold my hand.



et cetera