The New M.E. Generation











The next morning I rushed to work as usual, so it didn’t give me much time to speak to my friend, which was great to avoid last night’s situation. It was a long weekend and celebrating my birthday, so that’s what I wanted to concentrate on.

Work finished early around 4pm and I rushed home, as we were having dinner with a couple friends of mine whose wife is also a graduate of our school.

My then friend helped me choose my clothes, something he had done before. I didn’t feel intimidated or upset about his opinion after all these years, something that with other guys I’ve not been that easy with.

We met my friends at the restaurant and it was nice to be out with a guy and another couple, which hasn’t happened in a long time.

As we were having drinks at the table, my friend grabbed my hand and held it with both his on the table. “Are you okay babe?” asked he. I reacted surprised, as I wasn’t expecting it. I replied with a ‘yes, I’m fine’, with a face that I was happy with all that was happening. I let him hold my hand until food was served.

After dinner, the couple invited us to their place for additional wine. They also have a pet parrot; I then remembered that my friend’s mom had one that lived cageless and was infamous for what it would do or say.

When I asked him about it, he said it has passed away about 6 years ago. I also remembered about 2 small dogs that had vegetable names like ‘yucca’ and ‘onion’ because of their hair color.

He explained that when his mom decided to move was able to place them with other families. What I didn’t remember was that there were many other pets in the backyard, including turtles, which I don’t recall ever seeing. It sounded to me like a zoo and baffling that my memory had failed me on this one.

At one point when my friend was away from all us, the wife said to me, “OMG, you can totally tell he only has eyes for you by the way he looks at you. He’s totally into you.”

I was caught off guard again with her comment. Her husband and her have been good friends all these years and their opinion was important to me. I didn’t agree with them always, but knew that what they said to me they did because they cared.

The question about the possibility of being in a relationship with me came to mind again. But I replied to my friend something to the extent that I didn’t like his constant moving and that bitch ex of his was still present in his life. She looked at me as in ‘take advantage of the here and now’.

My then friend was claiming he was really over the bitch and had taken her out of his social media profile. He even said that ‘he wasn’t going to hide anything,’ meaning being quiet about posting photos or comments, including one image of us in a friendly hug. He was now ‘a free man’, able to do whatever he wanted and wasn’t going to care what other people thought or said, including his so-called ex.

I was enjoying the moment and was looking forward to much more the next few days. That was the ‘now’ that I was feeling, besides that voice in my head that kept circling like a major warning that something bad would happen.

Little did I imagine that the actions and photos of that day, and the following ones, would have so much impact in my life, even today, and he would be the one to blame.

Let’s say that I never pictured the after events that came from him. If there’s a ‘poster child’ for lies and betrayal, his image would be front and center. Smile, you’ve been framed!



We went home after eating and I was nervous of what he would think of my apartment. I gave him a 5-minute preview of the complex from the parking lot before going upstairs.

“This is very nice!” said he while looking around the exterior of the building and inside my place. It gave me a sense of relief since his opinion greatly mattered to me.

“Are you nervous about me being here?” asked he.

“Yes, I think it has always been me visiting you in the past. It’s awkward now being single you coming back into my world in the real. I sort of lost sense of how that felt, among other things in my life,” said I.

“I will say that your apartment looks clean and organized; everything is in its place. That’s how I remember you for and I’m glad that you’re still that way,” continued he.

I looked around and wondered why my emotions were not all in the right place. I remembered at the beginning of being single how I cleaned all the time, things had to be done in a certain way, and having people over made me very nervous.

I was just trying to find an order among the chaos of the divorce, finally doing the things my way without any person telling me how or being negatively criticized, and didn’t want to let people into my space for fear they would ‘disorganize’ it again.

Now I wasn’t as strict about the cleaning, but was keeping it up because it was important for my overall wellbeing. I was doing it for myself, not for other people’s approval.

Having people over though is still a test of how I handle others, even though it is just him, someone I’ve know for so long, or so I thought.

I organized my sofa for my friend to sleep at, explained where the water heater would be set on and off, where the spare keys were, etc., since I had to go to work the next day.

He was organizing his things in his suitcase when I excused myself for the night.

“Are you sleeping by yourself?” asked he. I looked at him startled. “Can’t believe you’re not sharing your bed with any one.”

I don’t recall if I said anything, but definitely turned down his offer. I got into my room and locked the door without making noise and made sure it was closed correctly.

He had told me many times before that ‘he and I would make a good team. That we had known each other forever, our parents as well, etc.; that there wouldn’t be a reason why it wouldn’t work out between us.’

But there were plenty of reasons from my end. For starters I had never been physically attracted to him, even less now.

Second, his constant moving because of work isn’t appealing to me and he knew it. I need stability, not following somebody everywhere or having a life determined by him that I have not control of.

Third, I was on my own because I haven’t found the right guy yet to share that small bed I have, and I wanted to do that with someone that I’m in love and in a relationship with. Going for a quickie or one-night stand isn’t for me, as much as one may physically need it. I have to aim for what makes me happy, period.

Lastly, he’s still communicating with that bitch, so it’s not entirely over between them in spite he saying otherwise.

I went to sleep and at times looked at my door. I was wondering if he would try to come to my room, but I trusted he wouldn’t and he didn’t.

Then I started thinking about his proposal. What if I’m still single because he’s the one meant for me? Is this what the universe is trying to tell me and I’m not getting the message?

Actually, I am getting the message and it’s the same one I’ve been receiving as before as it relates to him, which is ‘don’t do it’.

In other words, what I am feeling towards you is: I ain’t feeling it.



et cetera