The New M.E. Generation











Just when I thought I had it all figured out with the beach guy, even of going as far as accepting his friend request once again on social media, he comes back to prove me wrong.

Case in point: I was checking my feed on a Sunday afternoon, when I come across a notification that such person had changed its profile picture.

It was a selfie he took using one hand while looking at the phone, while the other is placed in a woman’s forehead, specifically the one with the ultra-bleached hair I made a mention before. Their heads are touching together. She’s smiling and her eyes are closed. The caption reads: “Your head hurts?”

I was disappointed, but more calm than normally would, because I finally find out the real reason why he doesn’t want me going there. So him being entirely single is not as true as he said he was.

As I’m seeing it, he was keeping me ‘on the side’ because of the distance. I was a like a second option in case this chick, or anyone else there, didn’t work out. That’s why he kept the conversation and ‘pretty’ comments going so he wouldn’t lose me.

Perhaps he wanted to ‘go bi-coastal’ and be with 2 people at once. Like the saying goes: “The left hand doesn’t know what the right hand is doing.” Think about it. He could have pulled that off had it played it well. But him posting the photo was his downfall.

Me: “So who’s the blonde in your profile picture?”

Him: “Ah, she’s a girl that I just started hanging out with. Likely will turn into a GF. I’ve known her for a long time. And we hung out before.” (This is how one of those ‘gotcha’ moments look like when the person can’t get their story straight. And don’t try to downgrade the situation. You knew her before; said it yourself. She’s been floating in your gravity for a while.)

“She’s a lot of fun.” (Oouu! Did you notice the detail in this sentence? He said ‘fun’. That’s the exact thing the Cuban lady warned me about men during the cards reading [see ‘The Reading’ chapters under The Ex-Friend story]. She basically said guys don’t want any commitments with you, but for anything else, including going out and have good times, they’re in.

Analyzing this further, if this is the only positive thing he can say about her, “Run, Forrest, Run”.)

Me: “That’s why you don’t want me visiting you.”

Him: “Well that’s not the reason, although if she and I are exclusive, I’m sure she wouldn’t like that.”

Me: “And me saying I wanted to see you.”

Him: “OMG. You and I go back a long time. But you live so far, which makes a relationship hard. And I will never lie to you.”

Me: “Sounds like you did.”

Him: “Seriously?”

Me: “I asked you before if you were seeing anyone. How do you think I felt when I saw your photo? Whatever, I made a fool of myself.”

Him: “I wasn’t. You didn’t make a fool of yourself.”

Yes, I did that because, once again, I put my emotions out in the open, and thought maybe there was a possibility of something happening between us.

Reality is, he was clear in his position and I interpreted it differently. That’s what happens when we allow the past to influence us into thinking one can rewrite history and get the romantic ending you were hoping for.

Me (about 2 days later): “The fact that you reappeared after some years left me restless. From my part I always felt there was something that remained unfinished between us. But now I know it’s not. Regardless the reasons you have for us not seeing each other only shows there’s not enough interest. I’m not upset. I have learned things don’t always result like one wants. We may have a long history, but I’m the one who needs to move on and close chapter with you, which you always did.”

In other words, hadn’t I pursued him again, none of this would have happened.

Incredibly, he didn’t reply back. I also unfriended him. Copy that. Talking about ‘being on delay’ as he once said.

I sent another text sometime later to complete answering his last remarks.

Me: “I made a fool of myself because I thought you had some feelings for me. And forget the distance excuse. If you were interested in me, you would go the extra mile to make it happen. That’s how it goes.”

Still waiting.

 

 

 

 

 

 



I’m finally meeting with the lab technician; he came to my apartment to perform a blood test for my life insurance.

I hate needles and my blood being drawn. I saw plenty of that during my surgeries and fertility treatments. There was a time when either one or both was always scheduled, and I just couldn’t wait for the day when all of it would be over.

I approached this test the same way I did before, by closing my eyes and trying to think about something nice, but I couldn’t, like I used to.

All I could think about was all the time, effort and money wasted in trying to have a baby. And in the end, what did I get out of it? Nothing. Or maybe the first of many disappointments that lead to the inevitable break-up of my marriage.

The technician finished drawing the blood and started filling out the lab report, and to complete it, he needed to ask me some questions.

“Do you smoke?”
“No.”

“Do you suffer from any heart or lung conditions?”
“Same as before.”

“Have diabetes or similar conditions?”
“Copy that.”

He kept going and going, and I was answering ‘no’ to everything before he even finished asking the question.

I’m getting bored. When is this going to conclude?

“Are you currently pregnant?”
“WHAT?? NO!!!” (Is he serious about what he just asked me?)
“Positive?”
“Positive that it is a negative.”

(This is not happening to me.)
“Dude, I’m divorced…”
He gives me look of ‘so?’ (Is he for real??)
“I’m not having a child out of wedlock…or on my own…”

The technician looked at me again, but now with a ‘poker face’ of, ‘why are you telling me this?’

Yeah, why am I saying this? I mean; I can’t have kids, so why am I making a decision on something that will never happen?

Or is it perhaps that somewhere deep in my heart I’ve never fully accepted it, despite what the doctors said and all that I went through, and I’m still thinking there’s a slight window of opportunity that it will happen in the future?

Probably.

But definitely not by myself.



et cetera