The New M.E. Generation











LedZep1 never replied to my response. From past experiences, guys never do. Even more, he was very clear when he said ‘don’t want to talk about it’, so…

What I’ve also learned is that either I get to see them again, or find out something from an indirect source that shows me their true colors or uncovers their lies. And I don’t have to do anything; the universe takes care of it. Mark my words: now or later, it will happen.

Case in point, it was the week before Easter and was driving to work as usual. Because many people are vacationing that time of the year, traffic was very smooth. I called my BFF (the one that have been making a case against him) to ask her if she had plans to go to church on Sunday. She wasn’t aware of the dumping text.

I also had gotten a new car (which this guy doesn’t know) with integrated Bluetooth. I was talking to her while driving in the center lane, when I see that particular license plate pass quickly through my right and then shifting all the way to the left.

Me: “I have to go”, said I abruptly. “Just saw LZ1.”

She: “What?? That guy still around?? Don’t go chasing him now!!!”

Me: “This car is in need of a real test drive.”

I hung up and off I went. At one red light I quickly text him: “Saw you a few minutes back. Morning.”

But his fast lane changes were hard to keep up with. I was hoping to catch him before he changed streets to get to his office, which I did. He was first on the left-turn lane; I was second in the lane next to it.

Me: “Next to you.” I could see his head moving back and around quickly trying to find my car. I didn’t wave at him or anything. His ‘where the fuck is she?’ reaction was priceless and definitely made my morning. I felt I got back at him in a small way.

Him (about 5 minutes later): “That was you in the green car? Lol, you got a new car and you’re a blond now? Morning.” (Enough with the lol’s!!)

Me: “Nope. I’m a ghost.”

Him: “Ok.”

Of course I wasn’t going to give it all away. Yes it’s true about the new vehicle, but by leaving things ambiguous, the mystery continues, and I get to have fun with it.

Strangely enough, this guy kept the texting going. I thought he would ignore me, but sort of left the conversation open. I mean, he clearly said he ‘couldn’t see me any more’ and I replied with a unfriendly message longer than his. So, aren’t we supposed to be not talking to each other?

Coincidentally, I met for dinner with my BFF (the relationship police) a few days later and told her about this. (Haven’t you noticed that each time I encounter LZ1 I meet up with her shortly after?). She laughed at my imagination, but quickly threw shade at him.

BFF: “I still think that guy’s married. All he needs to do is take his ring off, put it in his pocket, and that’s it!”, said she with a look of ‘anyone can do that’.

I saw him again about a week or so later. Considering the regular traffic, he was really going fast in-between cars. I texted him again that ‘saw you going past by me fast, etc.’, and he kept talking for a few minutes. It was basically the same type of conversation we used to share before his infamous message.

About a day or so later when I was looking at my memories on FB, I saw a post from last year that showed two images of the times I first saw his car, which happened to be on the same location as this year’s.

Which made me think, what would have happened if I had approached him those other times? I think either the outcome would have been like it happened now, or, maybe we would have dated for a year, to then get dumped by him under the same circumstances as outlined in his text. It would have ended either way.

For that reason, I made a screenshot of the post and forwarded it to him: “Incredible to think that around this same time last year I saw your car for the first time. You smiled at me when taking the picture. And now you’re gone… time changes everything.” He didn’t say a word.

So what happens now? Not much. Eventually all goes away, including me crossing paths with him.

I will probably bump into him here and there. But if that happens, I won’t text him. If I manage to be side by side to his car and he looks at me, I’ll do the same, wave with my hand in a ‘see you later’, and continue.

That guy’s love affair is between himself and his car, and there’s nothing that will break it apart. That’s what he chose and seems very content with it.

Ironically, on another day on my way to work, I was at a red light and see to my right this guy about my age in a really nice sports car. I looked up to the sky, laughed, and thought to myself, ‘going to let go of this one… for now’.

“Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.” – Ferris Bueller’s Day Off

 

 

 

 

 

 

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After what my girlfriend said the night of the dinner, I sort of went back to being quiet and not saying much.

The texting during the commutes continued, but I kept them to the usual ‘good morning’, to asking how the day was going at the office. Because I was leaving earlier to work, I started missing seeing his car, which took away the fun of crossing paths.

At least the idea of meeting in the future prevailed, but it felt like it was taking forever. This guy always had some excuse, all seemingly legit, for not making it happen, like work-related events, having a good friend in town, and taking his sports car (and testing others) on a speedway.

He even said once that he left his phone at the office. That was probably a lie, but I wasn’t in the position of questioning him on that. (Did I mention he has his own business, a travel incentives company?…)

I even suggested taking the next step of talking on the phone (“I’m not really a person that does that”, said he.) What’s this? Another Fish clone? (see The Swipe). This gave me a bad chill on my spine.

I was getting tired of ‘no phone’ conversations, but, again, wasn’t going to insist on anything. At least the texting provided a clarification about his age when he mentioned he was at the doctor taking care of the pre-op before having a colonoscopy.

Me: “First time? So I guess you’re 50?”

Him: “I’m probably a LOT older than you. Only 50. I must look a lot older.”

Me: “How old you think I am?”

Him: “I’ll say mid to late 30’s.”

Me: “Yeah, that’s it” (not!).

Him: “Age is not a number. You’re as old as you feel.” (This is such a delusional statement! Not even you believes that.) “So I guess I’m too old for you lol.” (…and that he uses ‘lol’ in every texting?)

Me: “Nope.”

Him: “Yay!”

Hmmm, wonder how he would feel about me if he learned I’m very close to his age. Would he still be interested in me?

When he finally ‘popped the question’ (lunch, that is), I let him choose the time and place. He mentioned to meet at noon on a Saturday at a nice place I’ve been once before. I told him to please reconfirm with me the following morning.

Because I didn’t hear from him, I sent him a text message; got a reply like an hour before the due time, that his 80-something mother wasn’t feeling right, was taking her to the hospital, and was sorry about it. That maybe tomorrow could be.

This didn’t sit well with me. I know it’s his mom, he apologized, and asked for a rain check. But anything that has to do with hospitals takes time, so bailing out at the last minute always makes you look bad. It felt like he was getting ‘cold feet’ about it all, thus using the situation as a means to hide.

All I could do was tell him that ‘hope all goes well’ (he: “thanks for your understanding”) and make the best out of the day. I followed up with him early evening (“Still at hospital. Waiting for test results and else. Thanks for asking.”)

Next day, don’t remember who initiated the texting, but he cancelled again, citing that he still had to deal with his mom, plus had to go see his dad to help him with something. Another “so sorry, hope you understand”. All I did was express the same as the day before. Didn’t communicate with him the rest of the day.

As the weekend winded down, I felt like those days when I’m starting to wonder if this guy will turn out to be another repeat story.

I’ve been disappointed so many times, any minor things start ringing bells in my head. Even if you’re told the truth, it still feels suspicious.

Well, another new week, another chance that things might come my way (or not).

Monday morning memo to myself: “If a guy wants to be with you, he will make it happen no matter what” (- He’s Not That Into You). Copy that.

 

 

 

 



About half an hour later after getting to work, I get a text from him.

Him: “Good morning again lol!”

Me: “Good morning Mr. LedZep1.”

Him: “Ha! You know how long I’ve had that plate? Over 30 years!”

We exchanged a few more messages that provided some interesting data, like he lives and works in locations not that far from mine; speaks Spanish among other languages; owns his own company; expressed having a sense of humor, which I think of myself as well. I was glad that I finally met someone who is close in proximity and has something in common with me.

I avoided asking for other details, such as his company or last name. He didn’t ask for mine. At this stage is too early for that.

Before going to sleep, I texted him ‘good night’;  he replied with ‘Hi, same to you. Will look out for you on the road tomorrow, LOL’, to which I said ‘me too’ with a car emoticon.

I couldn’t rest immediately because my mind was digesting all the events of the day. I also connected with my spiritual side and thought to myself, ‘I have to handle this very carefully. Will keep this low key for now. No calls or mentioning about meeting. Let him reach out to me if interested.’

I did a mental review of what my besties have told me: avoid having expectations or doing anything that will get you hurt unnecessarily. Last thought was directed to the universe: ‘it will be what you believe it’s best for me’.

The next day set the tone for our morning commutes. Whoever got on the road first texted the other with their location. It felt like playing a Super Mario game where you’re looking which path to take to catch the fruits.

Turns out we’ve been missing each other by roughly 5 minutes most of the time, which created many texts like, ‘looking for cars like yours, LOL’, ‘center lane on 27th; you?’, ‘damn I missed you’, ‘wished I’d seen you’.

To compensate for not crossing paths, I take selfies and send them to him. He usually sends back one of himself, the view from his office, or whatever he’s having for lunch. He has also asked those ‘small talk’ questions, such as what I like to do for fun, hobbies, family background, etc.

I use one-word answers because I don’t want to give it all away; he provides more lengthy replies, such as that he considers to be a quiet person, is not into clubs or big parties (prefers smaller events), likes to cook, listens to music (Led Zeppelin perhaps?), play golf, and take his car for a spin at a track (did I mention he has a sports car?).

It may sound awkward two adults chatting over text messages only, especially being from generations where the phone was it. But neither seems to mind. I don’t. I think it creates a sense of distance and mystery that keeps this whole thing interesting.

On one occasion, though, I sort of broke my own rules. Upon missing each other yet again, and me sending a headshot selfie with my sunglasses partially down that showed my eyes, (to which he said, ‘I’m glad I can see your eyes’), I replied ‘hopefully one day we’ll see each other in person’.

That happened close to the weekend and he had inquired if I had any plans. I thought maybe this could ‘make or break’ anything that might happen next. I know we’ve just met, but after my Kevin situation (please see The Swipe), I wanted to make sure (in case he said was unavailable) that he had legitimate plans and wasn’t declining because of a secret agenda.

That Friday we only texted in the morning. Saturday I went about the usual; sometime in the afternoon he wrote, ‘how’s your day doing?’; I replied ‘doing errands’ and asked the same to him.

He said he had a friend in town visiting that he hadn’t seen in years; that he finished playing golf and were going to do other stuff at night. ‘Have fun’ was the last I said to him.

Sunday I went with the usual. I think I texted him early evening regarding his friend, to which he said that they spent part of the day together, but had left already.

We exchanged good nights and that was it for the weekend. I took it as in that he told me the truth.

We’ll see how the ‘find me’ car games goes this week.

“I’m in the need, the need for speed.” Start the engine please.

 

 

 

 

 

 



“Let’s wrap this up,” said she. “Contrary to what you think, I feel the next year will be favorable.”

“So in the long run I will get married again?” asked I. She gives me a look of ‘no’. “No?? I’m not getting married again??”

“You will have (male) friends,” said she.

“But no marriage??” asked I again. “No??  Wow…” said I disappointed. (There will be two guys, and plenty others, but not one that will be ‘the one’? Dammit!!) “Will I at least be living with someone?”

“That’s something else. We all the need to be with somebody. That’s the same as the need to eat. We all want to have a good partner, even just to fight with, to be at our side,” said she.

“But the marriage part is not showing in the cards?” asked I.

“No. I still see the two guys; they’re not bad men,” said she.

“I’m not sure as of who these two are,” said I. “I was going out with someone until recently. But one day to the next, puff, he was gone. He later said that he was going through a divorce, that he has issues to work on. And I told him I wasn’t going to be his friend or anything since he already took me out of his life,” continued I.

“You will see that one,” continued she. (Not interested in that. I really hope he doesn’t even cross my path by accident.) “The stars incline, but do not oblige. You understand? A change will occur.” (That may well be, but I’m not changing my mind.)

“There’s a woman looking for you who envies you,” repeated her again. “She’s asking herself where you are, what’s your whereabouts. She has her man and that man had something to do with you. He had her, now he’s back with her. She knows who you are.”

“That’s the guy who’s isolated? I know a guy who used to be my lifelong friend. We were never a couple or had anything together. We were friends since adolescence,” replied I.

“He was living with a woman, he broke up with her, then was trying to get romantically involved with me, at the same time that he was seeing an ex-girlfriend of his without him telling me,” continued I.

“He later went back to that woman he had been living with. And that woman, she knows who that ex-girlfriend and I are,” said I. “She’s constantly searching what the ex-girlfriend and I are doing; she spends her whole day on that. More like obsessed. She hates that this guy and I were such close friends. She has bad intentions. She hates both of us.”

“She doesn’t have good intentions,” said the woman. “Look at these two cards, they keep showing up; they’re the most important ones. You will have good health foremost, men, job stability, a home, success. You will need to feel good about what you have.

People that are not well are those who are in a hospital or just want to stab you on the back. You know how to defend yourself. It might all not be what you hope for, but things will move forward.”

“So that guy might come back to… ask me for forgiveness?” asked I.

“‘Para comer mierda’ (to talk bullshit)”, replied she. “That’s it,” said she with a face of ‘that’s not happening’. “Know you know,” continued she. (So I was right all along. He might come back, but only to continue with his game of trying to trick me again.)

“So there’s two guys who will look for me?” asked I again to reconfirm.

“Yes, they want you, but to get what they want for their own benefit, not what you want,” answered she. (Of course…) “But, yet again, you never know; ‘matrimonio y mortaja, del cielo baja’ (marriage and shroud come down from the sky) as some would say. You might turn a corner and find someone. At first glance you might look at him and say ‘no’, but afterwards, who knows,” said she.

“But there’s still some time before that happens, right?” asked I. “Yes, some time,” replied she.

“So the marriage is not happening?” asked I again. “If not, there’s still the ‘juntera’ (coming together with someone),” said she.

“And the home will be to live with someone? And the kids?” asked I. “The children could be ‘postizos’ (belonging to someone else). I see children with you. You might not have the marriage, but other things will happen,” said she.

“So regarding that woman, you said she is sort of a witch. She’s thinking about me all the time,” said I. “‘Te tiene atravesada’ (someone who has pierced right through you),” replied she.

“And she tried to do some witchcraft on me? Has anything that she’s done caused any effect?” asked I. “She planted it (she lay the seeds). That she lay the foundation, she did. I saw it on the cards. Of course it has had some effect on you, even on your thoughts. Remember that the mind is very powerful,” said the woman.

“So what she wants from me is to…” said I. “Disappear. She wants you off her path,” replied she.

“I’m a threat to her, like you said,” continued I. “I live 4 hours away from this guy’s mother’s home. That’s what she feels threatened about. If it happens that the guy goes visit his mom, I can go there and see him.”

“That guy only wants from you to go out, dance, have a good time. Nothing else,” concluded she.

So there you have it. A guy who said that he wouldn’t allow anything or anyone (meaning the bitch) to come between our friendship, went back to a woman (who he said over and over that ‘she was on the side of the devil’) who wears her panties inside out (to which he referred to ‘a stupid thing to do’) as a way to ‘protect’ herself from someone else casting witchcraft on her.

He let go of my bestie and me to be with someone who wants me to go away, as in dead? You call this being religious, loving others? And you will come back just to bullshit me? Forget that!

Let me tell you this: any woman who does this underwear thing is disgusting. Her clothes are likely to be so stained that they deserve getting burned. She tried to do me harm, but in life, all comes back to you, and she will be the one that burns in hell in the end. Not even a chastity belt will save her.

Not only that, she’s a coward. If you are so confident about what you’re doing (the witchcraft, panties), why are you making equal effort to ‘protect’ yourself? Why do you keep throwing stones and hiding your hands?

Even more, she has less than zero self-esteem. Any woman who has been dumped by a guy who was behaving badly with other women for almost 2 years, when he was supposedly trying to save the relationship, and accepts him back like nothing has happened, is doing a disservice to herself.

You’re communicating that it’s okay to go back with a toxic guy who hated you and never loved your child, talked endless trash behind your back, and even was unfaithful to you with more women that you’ll ever know.

It has nothing to do with religion, faith, or getting what you want. It’s called having no love or respect for oneself. Is selling yourself short. It’s saying that there’s nothing better for you out there other than this person.

Is witchcraft all you’ve got? Yep, it is. You may have forgiven him, but you won’t forget that he left you once and can do it again, and dislikes your child to the max. How much? This guy once wanted to beat the living daylights out of your son, remember?

And if he hasn’t married you by now, he never will. You’re the one who should cast some crappy spell on yourself and disappear out of my life, including him.

And this goes to my ex-friend as well, of whom I remember never saying anything good about you, other than he liked ‘having a hot woman waiting for him at home when he got back from work’. This is not a woman you love, but merely a whore in disguise that you use to your convenience.

“I pity the fool that falls in love with you. / (Oh shit she’s a gold digger) / Well (Just thought you should know nigga) / (Ooooooh) / I’ve got some news for you / Fuck you and fuck her too. / And although there’s pain in my chest, I still wish you the best with a… / Fuck you! / (Ooh, ooh, ooh)” –Cee Lo Green, Forget You

All things (good and bad) must come to an end and this is it for me and this guy. I’ve said all that I needed to say and I’m glad it’s over.

I lost a friend, gained a new one; been lied upon, found the truth; been falsely accused, found the real person within me; been cast a bad spell, received blessings from above.

I may not get all that I wish for as the spiritual lady said, but I have health, friends, a home, job, family.

Yes, the lady is right: I’m lucky in more ways than one. I have all that I need and it seems the best is yet to come. I will be grateful for everything (as she said I should) and can only look forward to what the future is holding for me.

It’s all a matter of how well you shuffle and play your deck of cards. That’s it. The end.



My friend was able to get himself together to enjoy our meals. I tried to take his mind away from his grandmother by talking about him and his job search. He was optimistic as always and confident that the right opportunity would come along.

And as usual, I avoided talking about my plans since I had none, because I had no idea what I was to do with myself.

My self-esteem then was one of being able to find and secure a job, but not enough talent to aspire a high level position.

My friend would try to encourage me by saying that once I graduated I was now a professional and that would set me apart from other people. That sounded very nice, but holding a diploma in my hand wasn’t going to change me immediately into a whole new person.

Still, I tried to hold those positive thoughts that even being confused about my future didn’t meant to lose faith of having a fulfilling life.

Before my friend left, we bought some boxed wine and sat close to sundown on a boardwalk next to a river and my residence.

I borrowed my roommate’s glasses and drinking that wine was the best I’ve had. It was one of those special moments I had with him, but this one was different from all others. There was a peacefulness and tranquility I hadn’t felt in a while.

I sort of looked at him more than that of a friend, maybe because I thought that’s what he wanted from me, but again nothing happened.

I’m sure that the people that walked by thought we were a couple. But that feeling of leaving things as they were became present once more. As the word literally implies, I was about to leave school and he in a day to who knows where.

It was as when leaving high school; there were paths that we both needed to travel again for ourselves before they could cross again, if that.

Sitting there with him was one of those moments you wished it could stay like that. His advice and protection had always leaded me the right way which didn’t want to lose.

It’s a feeling I’ve never forgotten that if it could have been bottled and preserved for the future, would have done it.

But as I would learn the hard way many years later, even if you kept things well taken care of in a box (like the wine), they all have an expiration date.

What I mean is that people change and with that their feelings. When you see inside that box, its contents have also changed. They age greatly to the point that it’s hard to believe those moments actually happened. And the worst part is that instead of bringing us joy, the pain is even greater than the good.

So what are we to do? What do we now make of the ‘then’?

I don’t know; maybe just closing the box and leave what’s inside as it is. Perhaps it’s getting a new one and filling it up with experiences we create ourselves, without leaning on others to make it happen.

Maybe that’s what it is: creating more boxes as we go along and storing them in our minds, only to be opened when really necessary.

Yep, if only life was that simple.



Surprisingly, he replied a few hours later. ‘I don’t mind what you said. I actually want to meet you. I haven’t mentioned it before because I want to be available when we agree on it.’

I thought his reply sounded reasonable, so I felt the next step would be the right one: asking him for his number.

This would allow me to text him whenever I felt it was time to go out with him, if I got to that point. I could also control the situation and test his patience. I wanted to see how serious he was and how long he was willing to wait for the meeting.

So not wanting to come across as desperate, I waited until the next day to ask for his mobile. He gave it to me about 2 weekdays later around some odd hour when I was already sleeping.

I waited about a week to go by and emailed him on a Saturday morning about just having drinks that night and each traveling to the location separately.

He declined, as he was supposedly complicated that day. Not caring if it was true or not, I waited another week and did the same. This time he wrote he was available.

I then called him that day around 12pm to secure a plan for the night. I then realized I hadn’t given him my name.

He text back to meet at a bar some time after 8pm and that he would call me after finishing work to discuss.

All right, let’s wait and see if he actually follows what he says. And if he does, then I will slightly reschedule my afternoon to include some walking, resting and doing my hair.

Yep, no matter what, you have to look your best, because if not, you’ll end up crossing paths with all the people you don’t want to, especially those of ‘my past life’.

And if it happens with this guy, the gossip will surely reach the ears of some very particular people, which I wouldn’t mind.

Even if this outing ends in nothing, being seen with a much younger and cute guy is starting to sound like a good idea.

Interesting thought considering those people probably never expected much of me after the split. Fact was, they never cared to really know me, so it would be a total shocker.

I would love to see their faces, but, actually, no. I hate putting up a show for whatever the reason. What matters is that I’m living life the way I want to, with all its challenges and adventures.

At the end of the day, I’m the one who’s dealing with all the good and bad, the ups and downs, and all the responsibilities that go with it.

Getting back to dealing with this 20-something, no worries here.



I would bet myself that I wrote a letter to Johann as soon as I had the chance.

There was a time when I was a pretty good pen pal. Writing wasn’t difficult for me and enjoyed filling pages front and back with whatever anecdote that came to mind.

My first letter to him probably talked about the three days of events together. I’m sure it was loaded with sentiment, such as that I was thinking about him, that I was already missing him, and wished we would meet again.

Yes, it was a lot to say. But, those letters were traveling to whatever part of the world he was, meaning, he was the only one reading them, that is, if he didn’t share them.

This was the time way before anything went viral, so your secrets, or whatever else you said, stayed on paper.

Of course, the waiting was terrible. You didn’t know if the other person would indeed write or he was just another guy saying anything to make you feel good.

I got my answer a few weeks later when I received a letter from Johann. I don’t know who wrote first, but I think he did with the feeling he initiated the conversation.

I was really happy to read something written by him, with the ship’s address on the envelope, and stamps from wherever he mailed it out from.

I do remember that the stationery was thinner than what I had and his collection of thoughts followed pretty much mine, such as what he was doing during his travels and that he was also thinking about me.

The letters kept coming and I treasured every one of them. He would even include pictures of himself, his hometown, or whatever he thought might interest me.

I started doing that as well; send him pictures of me. At times I would ask my girlfriends at school to shoot some with my camera. They knew they were for him and all they could do was smile and laugh at me.

But I couldn’t stop thinking where all this was going, especially ever crossing paths again. Don’t get me wrong, this whole long distance relationship was great, but, how long is going to last?

My answer couldn’t have sooner than later.



After meeting him on the beach and eventually developing a crush on him, I would always look forward to seeing him in school somehow like in between classes switching rooms, at recess or at a distance during daytime school events.

At the beach he was sociable with me, but at school he was very much into his studies as he was focusing entering college the following year. He was a very good student with high grades, interested on medicine, law or engineering for a career. For me he was one of those people who already knew what they wanted out of life and how to get to it.

Me, I was an average student in spite of my efforts to improve my grades and had no clue what I wanted to do with my life, which made me dislike myself very much. I kept wondering why I couldn’t be like him.

Still, I would look for a way to cross paths with him without much success as I felt he was pretty much ignoring me. After a while I took a hard look at myself and decided I wouldn’t pursue him and more into leaving things to chance whenever they happened, if that.

And it did. One night my mom and I were visiting her friend from the beach at her apartment building. The kids from her other guests and me were hanging out in the parking lot when I see him pull up in a Fiat convertible. (I think I first saw it when he drove it to school one day.)

I stared at him from a distance and debated whether to go over to say hello to him or not. After all, chances were he would ignore me and I would regret it. Or, I would let him drive away and regret not having the courage to approach him. I gave it a try.

“Hey, how are you?” said I.

“Hey, nice to see you. What you’re up to?”

“My mom is with some girlfriends upstairs. We’re all hanging out here. What you’re up to?”

“I have to take my mom somewhere.”

“Well, good, nice seeing you. I should be around this coming Sunday.”

As I was walking away, he asked, “What are you doing later?”

(What?? Did I hear right??) “Aah, I’m going home when my mom is done here.”

“OK, I’ll call you later,” said he.

“Sounds good.” (Yeah, like, you’re actually going to do that.)

I went back to hanging out with the other kids and watched as he later drove away.

I wished it was I driving in that car, but I gave myself credit for what I did.

Hey, that was a big step for me back then. Kudos to me!



et cetera