The New M.E. Generation

{November 12, 2008}   The Bostonian 8 – Fireworks

We left the bar late in the evening so we decided to call it for the night.

When we are walking back to the car, Ross holds my hand.

The Earth stood still. I felt fireworks bursting in the sky. I felt pretty. I floated in air again. I’m wishing the whole world could see me now, especially (him). I wanted this moment to last forever.

He then took me home. He walked me to my building’s door. I kissed him on the cheek as we all Latinos do, thanked him for such a great time, and said my goodnight. He said he would call tomorrow. He’s gone.

The next morning Madelyn called me. “Heeey girl. Where you’ve been??”

“I went out last night with Ross.”

“You did?? Well, get dressed! Dina and I are hungry. Tell us about it during brunch.”

First order of the day wasn’t exactly the ‘early bird’ special.

“So what happened?? You have to tell me everything!” said Dina.

“Nothing extraordinary happened, really,” I said with not such a great poker face.

Dina gave me her ‘I don’t believe you’ look. I hyperventilated yet again. Don’t know why, but I omitted the part that Ross held my hand.

“Not even a kiss??” asked Madelyn. She analyzed my facial expression in full detail and knew I wasn’t telling the whole story.

“No, but he said he would call me today…” I explained.

I felt more I was sitting on the witness stand than in our usual Sunday brunch.

I needed to switch conversation. “So, Madelyn, how is the job hunting going?”

The breakfast continued uninterrupted. I then looked at the two of them. They are my best friends. They’ve been with me through the good, the bad and the ugly.

There are neither artificial ingredients nor plastic components here. No high interests. Our friendship is natural. They have stood by me when so many others turned their backs when I needed them the most.

I can’t imagine them not being part of my life, not now, not ever.

We decided to go for a drink after the movie. I offered to buy the first round at a bar; Ross neither answered yes or no.

Once again the location made me felt like I’m back in college, so I shifted the conversation towards this topic.

He tells me that he worked his way through school, but has not yet completed his degree. He taught English in Venezuela. He moved to ‘the city’ to basically get away from the cold Massachusetts weather. His last job didn’t work out as planned. He’s in the process of reorganizing his life.

‘Reorganizing his life, interesting. Sounds just like me,’ I thought to myself.

He also sounded younger than me. OK, it’s my turn to drop the bomb.

“How old are you Ross?”
“30.” (record scratching)

The bomb got dropped on me instead.

What is going on here? Am I looking that young? Am I really that pretty or are these men just looking for something else? Let’s get this straight; I’m almost old enough to be this guy’s mom.

I started hyperventilating again.

‘Please don’t ask me how old I am. Please, please, please!!!’ I said to myself while breathing in fast speed ready to deliver a baby. I’ve never had a child but this was definitely the closest I could get.

My inner voice then talked to me, “Emma, think quickly!! Do something!!!”

A millisecond passed and I’m staring at Ross with my eyes wide open like deer’s in the headlights.

Another millisecond passed when I finally reacted. I turned to the bartender and shouted, “Two more beers please!!”

I then turned back again looking at Ross. “And these ones are on me!!”

{November 10, 2008}   The Bostonian 6 – The simple life

Ross and I are standing in line to buy the movie tickets when I get nervous.

Should I pay for my ticket or should he? I started hyperventilating. Breathe in; breathe out, slowly. Some divine intervention, please. Anyone?

It’s our turn. I took out my credit card and offered to pay mine. “Forget that,” he said.

We sat at the theater and the movie trailers were previewed. The one for ‘Mamma Mia’ came up and I started singing to all the Abba songs featured in it, especially ‘Dancing Queen:’
‘You can dance
You can jive
Having the time of you life’

‘Hey, maybe this is how things will turn out to be,’ I said to myself, ‘having the best time I’ve ever had, living the life I truly deserve.’

“Oh, by the way, I sing all the time,” I told Ross.

I then got a flashback of me singing to Donna Summer’s ‘Last Dance’ song at my ‘x’ 40th birthday party back in 2006. I didn’t let anyone else get a hold of the microphone. After all I had gone through, I needed to get whatever I had bottled inside out of my system. I didn’t care if my singing was good or bad. I just did it.

(What’s his name) didn’t acknowledge what I did. Once again he managed to hit our relationship with another sour note.

The Eddie Murphy film, ‘Meet Dave,’ was a hit for a date movie. We both laughed throughout the entire feature. There were no sex scenes, nudity, violence or political undertone. Perfect.

It was like when I was single, when things were much simpler and didn’t give much thought of what should happen next. I took life one day at a time and that was it.

I exhaled. If only my life could be as perfect as this moment.

{November 9, 2008}   The Bostonian 5 – Date flick

Ross picked me up and we drove to the movies. We decided to see the Eddie Murphy comedy flick, ‘Meet Dave.’ You know you can never go wrong with one of those. Could it be any safer than this?

I may have been out of the dating loop for many years and may not presently know how to approach certain things (like ‘my number or yours’ issue), but I certainly was not going to get in an uncomfortable situation.

This meant opting for a movie that would ruin the night like a chick flick, man flick, extremely violent or political film, or movies that involved sex or nudity (unless you want to ‘hit the sack’ with the other person or are already engaging in that).

My life has had too much drama in the last year. It’s an election year and I’m OD’ed on politics already. I’ve been single ever since (what’s his name) left me. He was all I knew for 15 years of my life. I never cheated. I never looked at another man.

I wanted this date to be as simple as that first one with (him). Back then he came to pick me up at home, met my mom, then went to the movies, and at the end of the night (he) brought me back home. He held my hand and kissed me goodnight at the door. His eyes were glowing with joy. I floated on air. It was a beautiful courtship.

I couldn’t have asked for anything more.

{November 8, 2008}   The Bostonian 4 – Round two

It’s Saturday afternoon and I get a text message from Ross. I had a great time at the bar the night before and I am hoping to see him again.

Because of the ‘2am Swedish incident’, I actually took the risk of asking Ross first for his number when we met at the bar.

“How about if you gave me your number?” I had asked.

Ross gave me this look of disapproval. “Men are the ones who are supposed to be doing the courtship.” I wondered if Dina and him knew each other by any chance.

I responded to his message and he kept texting back. This is costing me 20¢ per entry, why can’t he just call?

Bingo! He did. After some uninteresting conversation, we finally decided to go to the movies.

I tried to place it safe again. “We can meet there if you want,” I proposed.

“No, I will definitely pick you up,” said Ross.

‘Oh, how nice,’ I thought to myself. Or, is he? I started getting nervous.

Questions like, ‘Am I doing the right thing?’ ‘Should I invite him to my apartment afterwards?’ ‘What if…?’ are crossing my mind uncontrollably.

‘What is wrong with me??’ I asked myself, to which my inner voice responded, “Emma, move your hiney and get ready!!”

Ok, ok, I’m going…

The location had a laid back atmosphere. The building looked like a warehouse and it had a pool table in one corner, the bar in the middle, and the stage on the other side. The music had already started when we arrived, and the dance space was packed.

There were no open spots in the bar, so we sat in some couches next to the pool table. I’m watching people dance when, out of nowhere, this nice looking guy asked me to dance.

“What’s your name?” I asked him.

“Oh, like the ‘Friends’ character,” I said.

He gave me this look that he gets that line all the time. He also had dark hair and blue eyes like the actor who played the role.

“Where are you from?” I then asked.
“Boston and I’m Irish,” said he.

OMG, Boston! All of a sudden this rush of emotions overwhelmed me. My last college roommate is from there. I knew a stack of people in school who were from Massachusetts. My grandfather, brother and an ex-boyfriend attended school there. My sister-in-law is Irish-American. I have a lot of connections with this city that I had forgotten about.

I kept looking at this guy and felt traveling back in time to my college years in Connecticut, and that I was dancing in one of those bars I used to hang out with my friends.

“Have you been back?” Ross asked me.
I landed back in ‘the city.’ “To where?”
“Boston,” answered Ross.
“No, but I’ve been wanting to for some time.”
“Then maybe you should,” he concluded.

Yeah, maybe I should. I’ve had this wish for many years now to meet up with my ex-roommate and make a trip to visit our alma mater.

I’ve also wanted to see my former college advisor.

Ross and I kept dancing until the band ended playing at 1am. We sat in the couch I originally was when he asked me to dance and we kept talking until around 3am when Madelyn asked me to go home. I could have stayed with him many more hours if had been given the opportunity.

This time, when asked for my phone number, I gladly complied in giving it, but I also asked for his. Ross gave me a look of being surprised at my request.

I left the lounge feeling good with myself and really happy to have met him. He revived a wish that I had dormant in the back of my mind which made me realize the time has come to make it happen.

Ross said he would call me tomorrow to go to the movies or something.

Hopefully he’ll hold his word on it.

I didn’t wake up in such a good mood the next morning. Although I had come to a conclusion about what happened last night, I’m still dwelling on it. I couldn’t get a hold of George or Mark, so I decided to talk it over with Dina over the phone.

“I honestly don’t find anything offensive in what he said. It seems to me that’s how he is and expresses himself,” said Dina. “I also think you’re taking things way too personal.”

“I just didn’t like it, period. I’m having such a hard time dealing with anything related to guys since my break-up,” I told Dina.

“I suggest that, for now, you figure out what you want in regards to him,” concluded Dina.

I ended my conversation with her and just when I’m deciding whether or not to speak to Edward, sure enough he called me.

“Are you still mad at me? I apologize for whatever you’re upset about,” he said.

“My anger has nothing to do with you. This divorce has affected me in such a way, I’ve created a wall in front of me so I don’t get hurt again,” I said.

“Emma, our former spouses left us and we are both carrying a lot of baggage on our shoulders right now,” said he.

“At least you have your kids. What do I have?” I said.

“I love my kids more than anything, but there’s moments when I don’t even have time for myself. What you have is no attachments, a chance to start with a clean slate,” said he.

“I guess…”

“You and I have to give ourselves the chance of being with someone else if that occurs,” said Edward.

“I’m not interested in you right now if that’s what you’re implying,” I answered.

“Are you then asking me to step out of your life?” asked he.

“Just be my friend, if that’s possible,” I concluded.

After this conversation, Edward and I saw each other one more time at another Halloween party at a couple’s house he is friends with. A girl that attended was so all over him, that you could tell, if given the chance, she would have hit the sack with him.

“Tell me what you’re thinking,” Edward would ask me when the girl detached from him from time to time.

“You tell me. What are you going to do about her?”

“I don’t know. After all this time, it’s flattering to get this much attention,” he concluded. (How about taking her to your place and getting it over with, duh!)

Around midnight I sat by myself on a patio chair that gives a view of the house’s whole backyard. I felt traveling back in time to those years when I held the Halloween parties at my former residence. Too many memories crossed my mind and sadness engulfed me. It had been far too many costume changes for me already.

‘I don’t want to feel these sad emotions any more,’ I told myself.

I then looked at Edward. He’s dancing very close with the chick and really enjoying himself, or so he seemed. Um, I could be in her shoes right now.

I then left the party without saying good-bye to anyone. It’s time for me to exit this show and look forward to a new character in my life.

I found Dina and Melanie and they’re talking to two guys. They asked me about Edward and I told them he had gone home. The three of us decided to wait some more before finally leaving.

We finally decided to leave some time later, and as we started to walk out the venue, I noticed that the guys Dina and Melanie were talking to are accompanying them.

Well, this definitely sucks!

We all approached Melanie’s car, and before we aboard it, she wonders if we can all fit in it. “Hey, the more the merrier,” I said. I sat next to the door and looked out the window; I’m the only one here with no guy next to me and I feel like an idiot.

When I got back to my apartment, I sat down on the rug at the entrance of my room. I’m still wearing my costume.

It’s past 1am and I’m in desperate need to talk to somebody, but it’s too late to do so. All I was able to do was stare at the ceiling and cry. I was so miserable.

I’m mad at Edward, my life and everything else in between. I don’t remember for how long I sat there.

Some time later I changed my clothes and watched some TV before going to bed. I needed to figure out what to make of this night.

I couldn’t pay much attention to what I was watching, but at around 2am I finally concluded what’s going on with me: I’m not ready yet to get close with anybody or for a relationship. As hard as it sounded to tell myself this, I had to accept that this is my reality.

So what am I supposed to do now? For starters, I need to keep going out and enjoying myself, but without stressing over if I meet a guy or not. Maybe if I just let go of this issue I might actually end up meeting someone. All right, I’ll give it a try.

And what about Edward? I’ll take care of that tomorrow. It has been too much of a freaky night, and early morning, for me already.

I’m wrestling with everyone and everything to get inside the mansion when the rain gets really nasty. I’m trying to reach one of the entrances when I realized security is not allowing people to go inside for being overcrowded. Luckily Edward came out and I recognized him; he’s dressed like a German soldier and had made believe bullet shots in his face that are dripping blood.

I asked him to follow me and we managed to walk around until I found Dina and Melanie. We all hanged out for a while and, like in a horror movie, Dina and Melanie disappeared once again without a trace. The party is about an hour away of being over, so Edward and I decided to dance what’s left of it.

While on the dance floor, this guy that is dressed up as a fireman gets close and tries to dance with me. I politely let him knew that I was with another person and he eventually moved away.

The party ended at midnight. Oddly enough, as soon as it ended, so did the rain.

Because of the amount of people present, Edward suggested waiting for some of them to leave before exiting the venue. We sat on the steps of one of the mansion’s entrances watching people go by.

Little did I know that my hair-raising experience of the night was about to happen.

“Why didn’t you dance with the fireman?” asked Edward.
“Because I’m here with you and would have been incorrect to do so,” I responded.

He then had the costume change I didn’t want to get a ‘treat’ for.

“Is there anyone in your life that puts out your fire?” he proceeded to ask.

I turned my face away from him and grind my teeth. My body temperature rose to a boiling point, turning my skin color redder than that of my costume, and smoke came out of my ears. My costume change then became that of a dragon, ready to shoot fire at him.

“A penny for your thoughts, a dime or maybe a quarter,” he said. “Emma, please talk to me.”

“If you want to sleep with me, why don’t you just say it already Edward?? I’m a very private person and… You know what, I don’t need to be explaining myself to you.” I felt like crying and can’t wait to leave.

“I meant no harm in what I said,” said Edward. “I apologize if I’ve hurt you.”
At this point I’m not talking or looking at him any longer.
“Look, I need to get home; the babysitter is waiting for my return.” Edward said good-bye and left.

I remained seated there motionless, staring nowhere. ‘Why did this happened to me?’ I asked myself. I got up and started walking to find Dina and Melanie. I want to go home.

et cetera