The New M.E. Generation

Over the next couple of months Alex and I kept seeing each other, but not all the time. He would have the kids every other weekend and would totally dedicate his time to them.

I also learned that he had decided to take the medicine board examinations to get his license here in the US. He wasn’t planning on being a doctor again, but rather use the license as a means to get a more competitive and better paying job.

The three tests are administered yearly, with duration of 8 hours each. He had already started studying for them on his own and was going to take them during the upcoming year.

I told him that I thought this was very remarkable and I knew he would successfully pass each one. I also like people who always wanted to better themselves or go after new goals in life.

Eventually I got to meet his children and had the opportunity to see how good a father he was, as well as the kind of relationship he had with them. His kids also had a good relationship with each other and seemed well adjusted to their current parents’ situation.

All this was very good for me to witness. Considering I will probably end up with a divorced man with children, knowing how good or bad the relationship between the two parts is could be a deal breaker.

The only thing I was slightly uncomfortable about was that I felt some distance from him when we were all together. I know that he has been the first guy I’ve dated which the children were present. And the fact that I have none also makes me feel somewhat awkward, as I feel at times I don’t know what to do or say when I’m around them.

But, tonight, he is looking at me differently. After watching a movie at the theater, we all headed to get a slice of pizza. We all sat together at a booth, him and me together on one side.

I noticed that he was smiling a lot and would look at me from time to time right into my eyes. He was obviously happy and I was trying to figure out why. Strange, I believe this is the first time I have seen him smile. This is quite unusual.

Hmm, maybe he has come to a point in his life that he has learned to enjoy simple moments like this. Or maybe he’s looking forward to accomplishing all his goals and making his life even better than what it is right now.

Whatever it might be I’m happy for him, and hope it stays that way because he deserves it.

We were kissing and everything around me ceased to exit. The Earth stood still. The planets were perfectly aligned. Everything I had experienced with the other guys was finally compensated with him. It was great, perfect, out of this world.

It was the best feeling in the world.

When the kiss was over, we looked at each other and smiled.  Not one word was said (I mean, what are you supposed to say after a moment like this?). We simply held hands and kept walking.

Yeah, that else. What do you say after been kissed AND your hand being held? How do you follow that?

He didn’t say one word or neither did I. I guess we just wanted to keep ‘enjoying the moment.’ Saying anything might have just altered this wonderful ‘out of body’ experience.

Shortly after, the ‘last call’ of the night was received. He had to pick up his employer and take her home, which signaled that our date was over for the night. Even more, what was to happen from this point forward?

I didn’t wait to ask when he walked me to my car. “So, what happens now? Are we seeing each other again? Do you want to?”

“Of course I do,” said he. “It’s just a matter of finding another moment like tonight. My job is pretty complicated the whole week, even on weekends.”

Don’t know why, but I have a feeling this job situation of his is going to be the ‘deal breaker,’ meaning, it’s not going to happen after all.

Damn it! Everything was going so perfect.

“Would you like to come to my apartment some time and hang out?” asked I.

“Love to.”

I said good-bye to Ivan and that would call him tomorrow, thanked him for the night, and drove home.

I kept my smile, but when I was away from his view, it changed. I got sort of sad and worried of where this date was going to lead.

I decided to sleep on it and feel his reaction over the phone the following day (if I’m lucky that it happens).

I started looking at the photos of the guys and some caught my attention right away, and others got a quick ‘no’ when I saw them.

I promised myself that I would keep an open mind during this process. Meaning, to not only look for a date that seemed physically attractive to me, but also to look for guys who were out of my ‘comfort zone’ (those that mentally resembled what I only knew of before, a.k.a., my ‘x’), and go for those that had potential as well as substance.

My goal was to find someone who had the physical ‘goods’, but totally the opposite personality of ‘that guy’ in my past life. And this would be the deal breaker for sure.

Honestly, what good is a guy who could I consider cute, if he’s shallow, selfish, has an entitlement complex, narcissist, controlled by his mother, lacks empathy or is dysfunctional?

Yep, I just described that person who is no longer part of my life, and maybe I will be very selective in my choices (maybe too much). But I will definitely not allow myself to fall back into the same situation as when I was married. I think I have learned my lesson quite well.

This is where profiles come into play. Dating sites encourage presenting oneself to others the best way possible. Too little information can signal you’re hiding something. Too much can backfire at you.

You run the risk of people not reading it (who has time to read anything anyways nowadays?), or it’s seen as giving out too much into the world that is not necessary at this time.

There’s no element of surprise or interest that can develop in meeting you. You already presented your entire life for everyone else to read.

For me, it became interesting reading some of the profiles. You could tell if people dedicated time to it or maybe just had too much time on their hands.

So, after basically looking at endless of them, some guys really caught my attention, and decided to join the site I was visiting. This entitles me having to create a profile as well.

Now that’s going to be a challenge. Question is, how much am I willing to ‘expose’? Also, what if I don’t get the results I want? I mean, what if any of the guys I try to contact turn out to have no interest in me?

Yes, there is the possibility that, once again, I’ll end up in the same place I am right now; alone.

No, I’m not going there. Something good has to come out of this. It has to.

et cetera