The New M.E. Generation











I didn’t visit the site again until about 2 days later. It was the weekend, so I thought it was the best time to engage in this with a more relaxed approach.

I login and notice I have some messages from a guy whose name was ‘greeneyes4u’.

I opened the emails and (damn!) he certainly had green eyes, is nice looking, and on my age range.

Thank you universe!!

But, wait; before I get too excited about the planets being aligned in my favor for the first time ever, let me check out his profile.

According to what he wrote, he had been married, children are grown-up, had his own business, enjoyed the beach very much, and engaged in water sports.

He looked well for his age and was physically fit, obviously as a result of the activities he engages at.

Assuming the photos were recent, they gave me a sense that he was tranquil with his life and that he does want to meet someone, but is not in a rush to do so.

Everything passed my inspection. I wasn’t seeing or reading anything that raised a red flag to me.

I was very glad that this was happening so quickly after joining the site. I felt that I was back in the game and it should finally work out this time around.

I have learned my lesson well and do intend to deal with it the right way. I will reply to his messages (about 3 of them) with no melodrama, no desperate mode, or no negative behavior.

No, no, no. I’m not getting into that any more. It’s been quite a few years since been single and the disappointments and hurt have been too much.

No, I’m not letting this happen again. I know better.

All right, let’s start. I will read all of them and then reply. No rush, no stress; just think of what to say carefully and go for it.

And just when I was about to do that, a window opens on the screen. It was the online chat. This meant he could see that I was online and had visited his profile.

Surprise to me! Darn it! So this is how this works? You pretty much know what another person is doing (if you really do your research) and the same goes for yourself.

I started getting nervous. How much does this ‘green eyed’ person has dug up about me?

I kept staring at the chat window. He wants to talk to me, now!

So, who said again is totally in control here?

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It’s been a while since I last spoke with Ivan and was curious about his well-being.

The last relationships he’s been involved at were really complicated. He was with someone he knew wasn’t the best person to be with and the issues involved would get from bad to worse.

If we ever spoke on the phone he would sound very unhappy and that he just didn’t know how to resolve the problems or even get out of the relationship all together.

He last told me that he and his girlfriend would either give it one more try or break-up all together.

Listening how things were developing, I knew they would stay together. There was something about Ivan that wouldn’t allow him to break away from this bad stuff and start over.

I can relate to that. Maybe he doesn’t want to be alone, doesn’t know or want to deal with his solitude, or that there’s no other choice out there, so might as well suck it up and deal with what you have.

I went through these stages myself and learned to be comfortable with my space with or without someone, and that we need to deal with our issues. But there are times when even doing our best is not enough and we need to conclude what we’re doing and move on.

So I sent him a text message and, to my surprise, got a call back a few days later. His voice sounded way better.

“Hey, you sound good!” said I. “Before you were so down, like you had no idea what to do with that relationship you were involved with. So what happened finally?”

“We decided to give it a try one last time but eventually ended the relationship for good,” answered he.

“I’m glad you did because it was taking a toll on you. Like I’ve told you before, I think you’re a good guy and deserve better. Are you seeing anyone now?”

“I know. Neither of us was happy so the break-up was inevitable. I’m actually seeing someone that I knew from before, but we’re just dating. How about you?”

“No, no guys on the horizon at this time.”

“I’m sure you will meet someone good. You just have to give it time.”

“I hope so. Sometimes I wish I could just go out and have a drink with someone once in a while.”

“I could do that with you now when time allows.”

Well, that would be nice, but it actually happening, I don’t expect it to. With Ivan, like most of the other guys I’ve met, if I don’t make the effort of seeing each other, it will never happen.

But at least the thought and good wishes are encouraging.

And like I’ve done many times before, I’ll just throw it into the universe and see what happens.



I was so relieved when he finally left! I had my space back all to myself and I couldn’t be happier. I just wanted to get my beauty sleep and enjoy what was left of the weekend.

But before I hit the sack on my own, I took care of the first part of my routine, which is as important as my rest: washing up.

I just love being clean and go to bed, watch some television and when totally tired, just get comfortable and fly away to another dimension.

I was on a deep sleep and happily dreaming away when it was all interrupted by a text message.

‘I made it home in one piece but I can’t believe you made me drive back in my condition. You’re a mean girl. You shouldn’t have treated me this way when I was nice to you.’

I somewhat read the first part of it, but when I saw the ‘I can’t believe’ part, I got mad, closed the message and went back to sleep.

Until how long am I still going to get his whining? Is this day (or morning) ever coming to an end?

Forget it, I’ve had it with this guy!

Having the feeling he would most probably text again or, maybe worse, call me, I turned off the ringer on my phone.

I’ll deal with this when I wake up, if that. When you mess up with my sleep, I’m no beauty in the morning!



Ivan came over again and, this time, he looked really bad! His facial expression was a combination between being horribly shocked and ‘I can’t believe this happened to me.’

He and I sat down on the same chairs we did before. It was almost surreal meeting again. It had been a while, but it felt like it was the other day when he told me about his problems.

But now he looked even worse. I was beyond feeling sorry for him. Seriously, this guy was in such bad shape it felt like there was nothing that could be done to help him feel better.

I sat next to him and held his hand once more. I had no idea what to tell him, but I gave it a shot.

“You probably know, but you don’t look good.” (Maybe not.)

He wasn’t affected by my comment. “Listen, I’m really sorry for what happened. I never thought it would. You told me things were bad, but I thought the two of you would work things out.”

He was still not saying anything. “OK, I do understand what happened to you and, like I said before, you don’t have to go through this alone, even less now.”

“I know,” said he, “and I appreciate it. But, I have some fault in all this. I should have handled the relationship another way.”

“Hold on a second! Things were bad and you may have made mistakes, but that doesn’t give her permission to go out and cheat on you.

If she was so unhappy, she should have broken up with you. She then could have done whatever she wanted. But, no, instead, she gets back at you the most hurtful of way!” (Now I was getting really mad!)

Ivan’s expression sort of changed to ‘what’s up with her?’ Yep, my past experiences and feelings got suddenly relieved through another person. I quickly took notice and switched modes.

“Sorry,” said I, “but it upsets me how you feel about yourself. It’s not fair to do that in an effort to find a reason to all this. There are times when we never do. Right now learn from it, vow never to make those mistakes again, and move on. That’s all you can do at this time.”

Wow, listen to myself talk! Ivan was so overwhelmed, nothing really registered on his mind. But it was ok, I was glad he was here and that I somehow managed to give him some comfort (I think).

And, like the first time around, Ivan didn’t say much and thanked me before he left.

I was somewhat concerned about his wellbeing when he did. But, that’s for him to deal with. I think I have done for him all that I could.

You know what? I think he’s going to be all right, and so am I.



After the pain dissipated somewhat, I started getting angry. It was the first time feeling this way. I would always feel a never-ending sadness and confusion, and of trying to make sense of what happened.

But it was obvious what occurred here. He stopped communication with me out of fear that he would get caught, which he did.

He was then faced by his spouse, who probably told him to choose between me or her, or else, so he had no other option but cut me off completely.

I do understand that at times one has to do what necessary to resolve an issue for the sake of other people or relationships, even if it means gaining something, but loosing another. Even if we have to do it not really wanting it, I still get it.

What really bothers me is that, even after some time had passed, I never got an explanation for what he did or happened. It was pretty much the same as back in college; our relationship, or whatever we had, never got resolved when we last saw each other.

He may have done what he needed to, but neglected to take care of the one who was hit the hardest by his actions, me, the one who didn’t deserve any of this.

He simply walked away and left me standing alone to pick up the broken pieces and deal with it.



et cetera