The New M.E. Generation











After my last attempts to meet guys online (please see The Swipe), I did take a break from my search. As much as I know that ‘mejor sola que mal acompañada’ (better alone than in bad company), it’s still bothersome after all these years not having experienced a serious relationship.

Yes, it hit me hard, and got me down for many days. Even having conversations with my bff’s only helped temporarily. Bottom line is, I envisioned my present in a much different way.

For that I’ve tried to keep myself busy so I don’t think about it. And started doing something new to approach what I was feeling.

It was the start of a work week and the traffic was somewhat congested. Every time I hit a red light, I looked around people in their vehicles to check out what they were doing.

There’s always some woman putting her makeup on, another was still wearing her curlers, and a guy was using an electric shaver for at least 3 lights long.

Others were obviously looking at the phone talking or texting, all totally unaware of their surroundings. I did a small experiment of making funny faces, even doing my version of carpool karaoke, and nobody noticed. It was so bad the disconnect they had with the world, I bet you had I done something politically incorrect through the window, still no one would have paid attention.

All I could was laugh, which was good, and congratulate myself for not being co-dependant on a device of any kind.

As my drive continued, I looked around at the sky, train, stores, and other things we all take for granted, and actually appreciated them.

I then said to myself, “I will give thanks for all the good I have: my job, family, home, health, those people who give me so much. Even the ones who were present for the time that they had to, I’m also grateful. Last, but not least, whoever falls under my ‘persona non grata’ list, I release you.”

Yes, I do believe that when some people (can be male friends, besties, love interests, etc.) are no longer with you in whatever capacity, is because they were meant to be when you needed the most. Sometimes they go into another direction for reasons that have nothing to do with you; sometimes what you had together has run its course and there’s not much in common any more; sometimes it’s us who realize that as much as we may appreciate the other person, it’s best that we step away for own good, and hopefully for the other one as well.

Those in ‘the list’ range from anyone who have used or hurt me, to those that is better not even thinking about them at all.

You can say my thoughts were a ‘waiting to exhale’ moment, but they did wonders to my commute that morning.

If I’m not laughing at people, I then look at license plates with a coded message and try to decipher them. If I like it, I take a photo and share it on my profile. Some are pretty straight forward; others not even my social media friends can figure out.

It was on a Tuesday morning when I did the above-mentioned exercise again; it gave me some relief, but was still feeling down. I then looked up and thought, ‘would it be too much to ask for a little divine intervention on this matter?’

About 10 minutes went by, when I was driving on the middle lane and notice a familiar plate: LED ZEP1. ‘OMG, there it is!’, I thought to myself.

This was like the third time I’ve seen it. On the first one, the car was to my left, and every time I tried to take a photo, the light turned green.

When I was almost side by side with the vehicle, I notice a man with white hair inside smiling at me. He was probably laughing at my attempts to take a photo at such a limited visual angle. I kept trying, but wasn’t working.

The guy kept looking at me. He seemed way older than me, so I thought maybe he was one of the band members? I mean, it’s a known fact that there’s many celebrities living in my city.

In spite of getting a semi-descent shot, I gave the guy a smile back and said ‘thank you’.

Second time I was again in the center lane and LZ1 got right in front of me. ‘Yes! Got the shot!’

And now, I wanted to say hi to the guy and hopefully even strike a conversation. Who knows, maybe I’ve been riding next to a music legend and didn’t even know it. Hit it!

 

 

 

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In spite of having attended a Catholic school my 12 years of school, I developed a spiritual side at an early age that I don’t know where it came from. Perhaps it was me trying to find some way to deal with everything.

I remember being put to bed, but having difficulty falling asleep. My parents would leave a night light on just in case I got scared. I never had that situation where I wondered if there was a creature under my bed or else.

What really scared me was thunder, which made me run to my parents’ bed to find comfort by squeezing and hiding between them.

Another detail was that my mom never gave me a pacifier. I guess my brother had difficulty letting go of it, but I had the habit of sucking my thumb, which you can’t take away. Once in my bed, she used to say to me ‘don’t do that’; I would move my hand to the side of the mattress, to quickly doing it again once she was gone.

On those nights that were calm, I would stand by the window in my room. The glare from the lamp would reflect on the glass, and I imagined it was an angel sitting there. I would talk to it like it was a friend. I would even say ‘good night’ to it. Don’t know what I spoke about, but whatever it was, it was the one thing that gave me the peace I needed to rest well.

When I became an older child, my mom told me the story that I was born on ‘el día de la Virgen de la Caridad del Cobre’, a very important day for Cubans. She would show me TV footage of processions made to honor her in that island, and encouraged me to always pray to her, as she believed I would always be protected by her.

All this was very amusing and made me feel special. My brother didn’t had a special birthday like mine, so at least that put me at another level. For once I was ‘better’ at him on something.

Still, understanding and blending religion and spirituality has not been easy. You see, in spite of being taught the first, I’m still struggling to grasp the whole essence of it.

On the other hand, my mom’s comment has had a lifetime effect on me. I have turned to ‘Cachita’ in the best and worst moments, and feel a special connection with her that has never gone away.

I don’t know how to explain it, other than when I think of this Lady, I feel a warm fuzzy feeling that calms, keeps me grounded, and reminds me that things will be fine.

Call it divine intervention, perhaps touched by an angel. Whatever it is, it’s a blessing that just keeps on giving.

 

 



A few days later after getting this lousy call, I was still upset. It was bringing out some old feelings that I’ve worked so hard to overcome.

Plus, I have lost so much with my divorce and my friend was someone I was not willing to lose, even less for that bitch. My friend always said to me that ‘there would be nothing that would break our friendship apart’ and that he told her that if she wanted to be with him, she had to accept the fact that I would always be in his life. If she or any other woman didn’t like it, then it was time for her to go.

I appreciated his loyalty to me, but I knew things are easier said than done. My ‘x’ had expressed his discontent about him when married and although I knew things weren’t good, after you invest so much time and emotions, it’s not that easy to end a relationship.

More especially so of my friend, who had never had a relationship until now, knowing he would go as far as he could to make it work; failure wasn’t an option for him.

And as my mom has always said, ‘there are women that would do any business to have a man next to them’, which in this case was applying right on target with the bitch.

My friend called me and apologized about the incident. He said that she had complained about my constant calling (which wasn’t true) and that she didn’t like it. She went as far as spying on my friend’s phone and monitoring all incoming texts and messages whenever he unattended his device.

He said he wasn’t giving up my friendship and if she dared call me after his warning, there would be a major problem between them. The relationship was in really bad shape and he didn’t know how things would end.

From the conversation that we had, it seems this would be the last I would hear from this bitch. I trusted my then friend would do the right thing.

If you’re wondering about Madeline, after her Europe trip, she went to live with her mother back home. Eventually she made her way back to my city and came over to visit me.

She cooked for both of us and while eating, she shared a video of her from back home where she got baptized in a river in the interior of the island.

I watched it and had no words to say about it. I knew she had wanted to embrace Christianity, but this was something she could have done where she was living and working before.

I kept thinking what my friend said about not doing something to an extreme and this was one of them.

I was attending church, but wasn’t letting my involvement take over my whole life like she let it happen.

I looked at her and wondered how she, the one I always considered the strongest of the two, be consumed by this.

I was the one who have been down, vulnerable, confused, insecure. How was it possible then that I didn’t fall for a behavior that misled me from the right path?

Why was I feeling unsure about my two best friends that their lives were heading in the wrong direction?

I couldn’t understand why they were behaving this way when they had always taught me the opposite, but from where I was sitting, my life for the first time in a while didn’t seem so bad.

I guess that’s what it means when ‘divine intervention works in mysterious ways’.



It has been a while since I have exchanged communication with this ‘beach guy’.

Ironically his birthday came up for the year, so I congratulated him on his page. He again thanked me, and everyone else who posted something, for the well wishes.

But, he didn’t specify what he did to celebrate. I assumed he spend it with his family at the beach since he’s there every chance he gets.

I believe the next day he sent me a message that blew me away like a storm.

‘You probably don’t know, but I’ve been separated from my wife since the beginning of the year.’

Say what? How did this happen?

I was so shocked about the news I started getting really anxious. More than that he was in this situation, I was overwhelmed at the many people whose relationship had not worked.

There was a time when people were getting married, then having a family, followed by a period of ‘quietness’ were all was fine.

Then the problems would begin or occurrences of bad couple situations. People got separated and divorced, and the end of the relationships would turn out very ugly.

This guy was another one I never envisioned going through this. I was actually envying him because I thought his life was going so well.

The other aspect of his situation that made me nervous was the timing. The beginning of the year also correlated with me facing an unexpected situation that took several months to resolve.

It kept going around my mind and wondered if there was some divine intervention in all this. Is this a signal that perhaps we might get together again? Is he perhaps part of the ‘master plan’ that he talked about that the universe has supposedly designed for me?

OMG! Anxiety rising!



I don’t remember what I said to my mom regarding the ship’s visit, but she agreed to take me on Saturday afternoon after completing our house chores.

That was the routine every weekend, cleaning the house, and I was anxious to get it done. I think I even had time to take a quick nap afterwards.

What I do remember is that I dressed up nicely with long white pants, a striped shirt and blue shoes. I don’t know what I was thinking because I could have worn something more casual.

But growing up wearing a school uniform all your years of schooling made you wanting to wear nice clothes whenever you had the opportunity.

My mom and I got to the location and my heart rushed as soon as I saw the ship. It was all white and traditionally designed like those you would see in the movies. But seeing it in real life was an experience I’ve never had before.

I stood with my mom before the ramp connecting the dock and ship. There were two guys on each side of it, who greeted us before walking up. They were surely happy to see me (guess you guys don’t get to see too many chicks?).

When I finally stepped on the ship and took a good look at it, I felt transported to another place and perhaps time. For a few seconds, I simply forgot where I was.

I don’t remember how things happened next, but I asked one of the guys where Johann was. He turned around and called to him out loud, with a tone of ‘somebody’s here looking for you, you lucky guy’.

I was so embarrassed as I was still trying to keep this situation unknown to my mom. But before I could react any further, almost coming out of thin air, Johann appeared.

He stood in front of me, I turned around to look for my mom and, to my surprise, she walked away, laughing.

I got what I wanted, getting to the ship, finding Johann and my mom allowing me to talk to him.

Now, what do I do?

I looked at him again and all I could do was say ‘hi’ and smile.

“Hey, you made it! I’m so glad you did!” said he. He probably thought he would never see me again.

Looking back I now realize what an accomplishment that was. I made a decision on doing something and went for it, but thinking it would probably fail somewhere in the attempt.

I took a risk and something greater than me made it all happen. Call it courage, the universe, or perhaps divine intervention.

What’s important is that I was there.

“Yes, I surely did. I made it.”



After that last conversation, I took a break from talking to him. His insight had hit me hard and I needed to emotionally detox.

More than anything, I was mad at myself for allowing so much to happen. It got to a point that it was so overwhelming, I don’t recall if I did anything or not. I think it was more like I disconnected from my reality.

In my next conversation, I learned that my former island friend had also gone through a great deal of loss in recent years, and was dealing with some heavy emotions.

It was at least comforting to have someone totally getting what I had experienced and felt before. We were dealing with those painful moments every day, some being good and some bad.

We were making every effort to bring normalcy back to our existence, to try to relinquish that moment when everything was all right, when we never expected to experience such big blows.

“You and I don’t deserve what happened to us,” said he. “There is no sense in trying to find a reason for it. All we can do now is live our days one at a time, and find the peace that we so greatly need.

I’m so glad you looked for me. You have no idea how much good it has been for me.”

“Believe me, I do!” said I.

Me, remembering him was no accident. It was another divine intervention.



I wrote in the subject area my name and that of school, and graduation year. I thought the first email (considering he would reply to it) was to say ‘hello,’ that I came across his name on the alumni website (all right, not the real truth, but it won’t hurt), and a summary of my post college life until today.

My plan is that if he does reply, and depending on the content and emotion of it (like he replied just for the sake of it, and doesn’t remember, or have no interest in establishing any communication with me), I will reveal to him the real reason I emailed him.

I really hope it turns out how I wish it to be. This situation has been going around my mind for quite some time, and after all I’ve lived, resolved, given closure to, and feel good about it, it would be seen more nicer for this to happen too.

Maybe this would be a good for the universe to intervene.

 

 



I don’t know how long had passed when I remembered about Ivan and his trip. I think I did about a month or so after he told me he intended to travel.

To be honest, I had forgotten about him all together when, one day, he came to mind.

What made me remember him is still a mystery. I had been quite busy with my life, was in the middle of something and (‘ding!’), there he was.

I stopped what I was doing and thought about him. But I wasn’t feeling much other than that I hoped he made the trip and had fun. That’s it.

It hadn’t been that long since I last saw him, but it felt eternal. It was like a blur, like someone who I met a long time ago and had no idea presently of their whereabouts.

The memory of them is sparked by some association or by ‘divine intervention,’ or no explanation of how the recall came to occur. And when you remember them you ask yourself, ‘whatever happened to that person?’

I thought about texting Ivan, but decided not to. He didn’t call me before or after his trip, so I felt there was no worth reason to do so.

After this ‘short-term memory,’ I forgot about Ivan all together until a long weekend came around. I did not have much of a plan and he came again into my mind. (Wonder if he finally got a few days off?)

I texted him. ‘Hey, you’re around this weekend?’

‘Yes, but I have friends visiting,’ answered he, some time later, as usual.

‘Have fun. Take care.’ (Another waste of my time.)

And that was it (one more time). I never contacted him again and, you know what? I’m fine with it. Actually, I feel pretty good.

Come to think about it, he’s probably the first guy that didn’t shake my existence out of whack.

Sad part is that Ivan had someone who was willing to love him endlessly, more than any girl that he contacts online hands down. I bet you anything on that.

But, he chose not to be with me. No, he chose not to give himself that chance to feel loved.

Unfortunately, it’s his loss, not mine.

Logging out.



About a half hour later, Christian finally called back. “Done! Headed your way already. Should be there any minute now.”

I literally grabbed my things, jumped out of the car and ran towards the marina. When I got there, Christian and his buddy were waiting for my arrival.

When I got there I was almost out of breath. “Hello again,” said I to him. He introduced me to his fishing buddy.

And off we went! It was not the first time I’ve been in a boat (this one was about 20-25 feet long, pretty much what I’ve been before), so I knew how to maneuver around it.

The day was perfect for taking a boat ride. There was not a lot of wind, making it easy to sail. Jumping waves may sound like a lot of fun to you. But when a boat this size starts jumping up and down hard, better have a strong stomach ‘cause you’re going to feel it.

We cruised for about 15 minutes until we reached a shallow area in the middle of the open water that it’s a favorite for small boats and people to hang out.

The area was pretty full, so finding where to anchor was no easy task. Because I’ve been in boats before, I tried to help in whatever way possible. I was determined to at least give a good impression of a skilled boater if all else failed (I meant whatever happened after today’s encounter).

When all was under control, Christian and I stepped off the boat and sat on the water. His buddy stayed behind.

Christian and I were sitting face to face looking at each other and (now that the meeting finally occurred), neither one had any idea what to say. We were totally speechless.

Is this crazy or what?

He finally broke the silence. “So, we finally made it.”

“Yeah, I thought it would never happen.”

So what am I now supposed to do? Do I hug him? Kiss him? Ask a trivia question?

Another divine intervention please!



et cetera