The New M.E. Generation











I repeated the same route as before, except that this time I used the GPS that this guy ‘lend’ me, which made my drive stress-free.

I arrived at the mom’s house a little after lunch time and about an hour before his airplane arrived. His best friend that he worked with at the airline (to which he referred to as ‘his brother, my absolute best friend’) arrived shortly after I did, as he was to pick up the other guy at the airport.

It was nice seeing him again especially after the fun times we had together before. I understood why my then friend felt the way he did about him. It was almost as if this ‘bro’ was the male version of myself. The ‘bromance’ was as strong as my friendship used to be.

The mom had food ready for everyone, so we sat down to eat. The ‘bro’ literally gulped down his food; the mom was really looking forward to seeing his son and just wanted to go pick him up.

I, on the other hand, was very hungry, and wanted to see my friend, but had no intention of eating quickly. There was something within me that told me to slow down, to enjoy that meal, to place myself first.

The mom and ‘bro’ got surprised that I didn’t go with them to the airport. I think I even put a face of ‘it’s not the end of the world if I stay’. It might have been for both of them (mostly my friend), but I didn’t care.

I finished my meal a while later, picked up my plate and washed it. And I didn’t do it because I felt pressured from anyone, it was the right thing to do.

While at that, my friend and else walked in, and he had a very upsetting face. “Why didn’t you go to the airport?” asked he. “I was expecting you there.”

I gave him a blank stare of ‘so?’ and showed no remorse.

Looking back I now realize that I didn’t go for various reasons. First, our relationship had suffered greatly by his own fault.

Second, his attitude of ‘I’m better and know more than you’ hadn’t been sitting well with me for some time. He might think he’s ‘God’s greatest creation’, but to me he wasn’t and didn’t deserve my ‘undivided attention’ that I always had towards him. To the eyes of his mom and ‘bro’ he may still be that, but to me he had become his own worst devil .

Third, I’ve lived my life for others and fulfilling their expectations, including him, and that was no longer the same. Yes, I wanted to see him, but this trip was more about me taking a road trip and possibly having some fun.

But, I just got here and this guy is already giving me an attitude. What next? More religious one-liners that will create a hell on earth during my remaining 24 hours of visiting? Lord, help me!!!

 

 

Advertisements


It sucks being at work and then getting an email like this one later in the day when you’re ‘brain drained’ and just want your workday to be over and go home.

Knowing how I have evolved throughout the years, not that I needed to think over what I would say or would respond to it; I just didn’t want to use certain words that I don’t normally use.

If I already have decided to end for good whatever was happening because both of us, there was no need to communicate your thoughts in a way it’s not you.

I wanted to convey that I am confident in my position and feelings, not that his behavior has brought the ugly side of me. And that’s not what I want to be remembered for.

Unfortunately that’s how humans are; we remember the bad as small as it may be. We may do good for the longest time, and then we stumble and everyone takes notice. It doesn’t matter if the good outweighs the other; you’re recognized for how deep you fell.

‘Regarding you unfriending me, it came as no surprise. Truth is me being an old girlfriend is not the problem here regarding your relationship.

It has to do with the wife and her insecurities that I’m going to tear the two of you apart. I’m a threat to her and she needs to erase anything that’s considered to be that.

It happened to me when I was married. My a-hole ex made it clear that he didn’t want me having nothing to do with my male friends even when they were just that, friends.

It made me so miserable and isolated, but he didn’t care. It wasn’t about what was the right thing for the marriage; it was all about him and he alone.

I was lucky that my friends forgave and supported me because they love me as the true person I have always been to them.

I’ll tell you this, when the years go by and your daughter grows up and moves away, and you find yourself all alone with or without your spouse, then you will realize what a mistake it was to have let go of all the people that truly loved you. By that time I will have forgotten about you and not really interested in listening to what you have to say.

Let me ask you, would you have done the same if I were in a relationship? You and I know the answer very well.

And regarding this friendship proposal you always present to me, fact is, I’ve been the one who have been writing and reaching out to you.

This means that once I discontinue doing so, because I know you won’t, that’s it; it’s over. You’re not just unfriending me for a while, it’s for good.

Like with other guys I’ve met, if I’m not the one making the effort here, nothing happens.

So, good luck with your life because you will need it.’



‘I’m really sorry for what’s happening to you,’ wrote I. ‘I’ve been through it and it’s a difficult process. Is there any chance for the two of you of turning things around with some professional help or something?’

‘No, we’ve tried everything. A divorce is definite. My kids are taking it well. She has moved on with her life already,’ responded he.

Ouch! That’s the same thing my ‘x’ said when he left me. He stated that he had restarted his life and was already dating. He said it with such confidence it made me very upset because he probably was in this ‘singlehood’ thing way before he made his decision.

Reading my friend’s message didn’t open old wounds, but shocked me again how easy it is for other people to end relationships and live ‘la vida loca’ without any remorse. They don’t care about others or the consequences that will bring to them or close ones.

They only think about themselves because they don’t put their emotions into this. It’s not about love; it’s about winning, getting what they want, even if it means running people over.

I may sound judgmental towards a person I’ve never met, but with my experience, I bet you that I’m so right.

So, what am I thinking (or feeling) about his whole situation? I hate to say it, but I’m sort of ‘happy’ that he may become single.

I know it’s not right to feel this way towards others’ misfortune. But after what the ‘beach guy’ and I shared in the past it’s still lingering within me, as there’s something there that needs to be resolved.

What I’m thinking (not feeling) is that perhaps the universe is shuffling things around for this to happen.

If it does, what would I feel then?



Yes it was. It wasn’t just rain; it seemed as if a hurricane had just hit the area and I wasn’t aware of it.

The water came down heavy and hard, so much that not even the curtains to protect the dinning area helped.

Our waiter offered to relocate us so we chose to sit at the bar. I excused myself to go to a ‘brb’, but more than that, I needed to take a breather.

The rain, in its horrific state that presented itself, was ironically a lifeline. It started just when the arguing conversation needed to end before it got worse.

When I got back, Alex was talking to these two girls sitting to his left. I wasn’t pleased about it, but didn’t show it. Instead, I joined in the conversation to pretend I didn’t care. I ordered a new drink and decided not to let it get to me again.

I enjoyed the rest of the night as much as I could. The rain ended and it sure was the same for me.

Alex walked me to my car and we said good-bye. I wasn’t sure what to expect in the future, if that.

Some weeks later he called me and we met up again. Other time after I called him and hanged out. In between we call each other and have good conversations.

We finally got to where we should have all along: being friends. It feels as if the time gap never happened.

I’m glad to say I’m content with the relationship we have right now and can only wish it stays this way.

Could anything else happen between us? No, it won’t. I’m sure we’re not meant for each other and I’m fine with that.

Whatever could happen next (or not), well, I’m not going to chase it down like I used to. I’ll just let the universe take care of that.



Oh, it’s hurting, and it’s not my head. I sort of had a hangover, but it was more the embarrassment of my trips to the bathroom that was making me ‘sick.’

I was sitting in bed with my head on my hands thinking how much of a fool I made of myself last night. This guy probably feels the same.

I know I shouldn’t care about what he thinks of me, but for sure last night was going to be the first item of discussion with my friend.

So, what to do now? For starters, I could call him to thank him again and sometime in the conversation apologize for my ‘motion sickness’ without making such a big issue about it.

But my voice wasn’t the best it should be, so I opted for a text message, which read in the lines of, ‘Hey, thanks again for last night. Sorry I got a little bit sick. TTUL.’ I think it was good enough.

About an hour or so later he responded ‘not to worry about it.’ He also mentioned he was going to be at a bar with a few guy friends in case I wanted to join them.

More drinks? I don’t think so! But, meeting up with him when he’s with other guys it’s not a bad idea. It’s not that things are easier when there’s other people around, but because I get to meet more guys. Who knows? Maybe I’ll hook up with one of them and ditch this one.

I text him back that, yes, I would love to go, and to give me the location and time he would be there. I then waited and waited for an answer, which never came.

This is weird, or, is it? Maybe his impression of me is not great. If it is, why did he tell me to get together?

Whatever. This is probably going nowhere so the sooner it completely ends, the better.



‘It’s not that,’ responded Ivan to my text, ‘I just have a lot of work.’

‘Whatever,’ I responded.

I didn’t care at that point that I never spoke, saw or had any contact of him. It has been one disappointing experience with men right after the other and just wanted to get over it.

I was trying not to get mad or anything, at him or this first online date. I just wanted to end it quickly without much thought.

Maybe if I pretended this whole meeting never happened or moved on right away, I would not get any emotional unrest.

In a certain manner that’s what happened. After knowing so many guys that, in the end, turned into nothing, it doesn’t get to hurt you anymore nor take it personally.

Is it they or me that is doing something wrong here? I’m not dwelling on it. It’s time to live and learn, and keep going forward.

And just when I was doing a mental ‘wrap up’ of Ivan, unbelievably, but yes, he called.

Wow, never thought that such a short, no-nonsense, to the point text message would have such an effect on him. And for someone who never contacted me for anything, this sure is a first.



I woke up the following day determined to take a resolution with all the communications I had received. Yes, all of them!

The first step I took was to scroll down the page and check off all photos that didn’t ‘click’ with me the first second I looked at them, and then hit ‘delete.’

I did not delete the 23 year old or 50 something man, as they were not that bad looking.

I responded to the young one the same as I did with Jesse, “I’m old enough to be your mom,” to which he said, “I don’t care. Can you handle it?” to which I concluded, “Sorry, not interested” (to what I really felt like answering, “Why don’t you just cover yourself with a condom and just sperm off?”).

I then continued to the older one; “Aren’t you concerned about the age difference?” This is the same situation as before, but in reverse. He wasn’t pleased by my question, to which he basically responded something related to the quality of people as more important, and ended his communication with “Good-bye.” Good-bye to you too.

Moving on… I then started looking at the photos that got my attention and read their profiles. Some didn’t click with me, others were interesting, but well written, which I liked.

Although some of the guys were for sure not a match, I appreciated that they had taken the time and best effort into what they did, and were as serious as I was to find that ‘special someone.”

After reviewing all profiles, I thought the next step was to choose a few (like 2-3) that I felt were worth continuing keeping the lines of communication open.

But among those two to three, I kept going back to one in particular. His profile was simple and straightforward, nothing out of the ordinary in my world.

What is it about him that is actually ‘moving me’ inside?



et cetera