The New M.E. Generation











{January 25, 2016}   The Ex-Friend 20 – I wish I may

I was really glad that the visit to the elderly couple was over. We were there for about 4 hours and just got to the point I was getting upset.

Don’t get me wrong dude; if you want to visit them, please do so on your own time, not during my birthday weekend. On top of that, you complaint about others using your mom, you, or other people, but you definitely did it with me for this.

The next stop was a flea market in his college town that I had visited during my Spring Break visit. From there we stopped at the beach. It was here where the beach guy called me when I was getting my photos taken (please see the Looking Back story), to which I later answered when we were all sitting in the car. This was the phone call that the guy made the comment that ‘I was with my boyfriend’, to which I replied, “no, he’s not my boyfriend!” in a harsh tone.

I know I shouldn’t have answered that way, especially with my friend behind me, but it was frustrating that my friend was supposedly interested in taking our friendship further and the beach guy was not taking my interest seriously of hopefully taking things further between us.

Once again, I put the incident aside as we were still pending to do the last event of the day, get to another town and have dinner at a restaurant I had been before and always wanted to return.

At the end of the meal, the waiter brought out a dessert with a lit candle on it. I got emotional and tears came down my face before I blew out the candle.

I looked at both my friend and mom, and placed each of my hands into theirs, while thanking them both for all they had done for me the past days.

My friend smiled with joy, but his mom didn’t flinch. Her face looked like she was saying, ‘girl get yourself together’. The mom has always been one who never smiles at anyone or anything, don’t know why. She had a demeanor of someone who had a wall in front of her and showing no emotions.

Whatever the reason, I never liked this angry demeanor of her or whatever happened that made her like that, especially when my friend was now advocating forgiving people or shedding anything of the past that is anchoring you down into moving forward.

This woman was not capable of at least sharing the happiness of this moment or even making the effort of gifting me a smile. It was all about her and her only. I have never done anything to this woman that made me deserve this attitude.

It’s strange to think that as much as we say we will never be like our parents, somehow their character and actions follow us forever, and manages to influence our lives for better or worse.

How is it possible that my friend and I were conscious of the toxicity that we wanted to avoid, but showed signs of repeating the many chapters of others? Karma? The universe playing games?

Don’t know, but I only hope that my friend doesn’t become her. That’s not much to wish for, isn’t it?

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The memories continued and it was gratifying remembering them.

In another email I wrote about the day we went to the beach with his friend. Johann replied that they’re still friends and that the other guy still remembers me, and has asked about me from time to time.

Wow, that was nice to hear. It was such a great day only good thoughts can come out of it, and that one is included in them is even better.

What I read next really took me by surprise, as I had no recollection about it.

‘When we were in the cab,’ wrote Johann, ‘you kissed me. I didn’t see that coming. I was pretty shocked at what you did!’

‘No!! That’s not possible,’ replied I. ‘The only time we kissed was at my house. You’re making this up.’

‘Yes you did! I was brought up well and taught to respect women and doing anything inappropriate was not part of my mentality. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed it, but never crossed my mind you would do something like that.’

I tried to wrap my mind around the thought that I behaved like that and didn’t fit. I kissed a guy I barely knew in the back seat of a cab and next to his best friend.

I know I was trying to come out of my shell back then, but this?

Was I more outgoing that I’m giving myself credit for?



We sat down for a while, in separate chairs of course. I wanted to have my own space and faced him forward at all times with a serious face. I wanted him to see that I was fine with him being at my place, but nothing was going to extend from that.

After a while he got hungry and expressed wanting to eat steak, and asked me what good restaurants were around. I was new to the area, so I only knew of one place that was reasonably priced.

But, he started mentioning these fancy venues that didn’t had another location around here. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind going to a nice place to eat. But if there’s an equivalent one with the same quality of food and service at a lower cost, count me in.

He kept researching on his phone for a location and not really interested in hearing about mine, which made me upset again. Not only did he criticize my apartment, now my restaurant is not up to par either?

I don’t know whose this guy thought he was and what was making him think that he was better than others, but I wasn’t letting it affect me.

I’ve had my share of shallow people before and have learned that they’re not worth investing your energy on them. I have taken these last years in removing all the stupidity that they had inflicted on me, and into finding who I am and all the good things that make me the person I once was.

I am a work in progress, but surely like what I see on the mirror each day forward.

So, I let this guy play with his phone some more until he realized that what he wanted was not reachable at this time (like anything else besides going out to eat).

I somehow managed to convince him to go to my restaurant and he agreed with a good face. And getting him out of my apartment could be the best thing to do, or not?



Here’s what happened. What I meant by ‘hooking up’ is that I let Ricky into my life right from the start. Meaning he started hanging out in my apartment all the time because I allowed that to happen.

Don’t get me wrong. It was great, at the beginning, when everything feels good, before you start discovering the things that make you different from the other person. Or putted in better words, before the things that irritate you start coming out.

On top of that, I made the biggest mistake of them all: I developed feelings for him before I got to know him as a person, to at least figure out if it was worth keeping him as a friend, or figure out if he was good enough material to possibly go beyond that.

In other words, I should have not gotten emotionally involved with Ricky in any way.

I spent so much time with him that I even helped him move out into a new place and offered to ‘take care’ of an artwork he was going to put away temporarily. (Between you and me, I think it looks better in my place.)

But although Ricky and I were ‘together’ he didn’t see it that we were actually ‘together.’ How so? Not even once did he invite me to meet his family or visit his home. He referred me to his mom as just ‘a friend.’

Sounds confusing? It was, sort of. But that’s what happens when your emotions take over your head and don’t allow you to see clearly.

And the reality was right there, loud and clear, which was that it was over before it even started, if that.



et cetera