The New M.E. Generation











After this incident, I continued using the dating site, but learned not to get excited about anything that might occur in it.

I continued getting messages from guys in their 20’s, 40’s and 50’s. Don’t know why those in the 30’s weren’t happening.

So, again, either they were too young, or those within my age range looked like their shelf life had happened a long time ago.

Still, it didn’t hurt to open the messages and read what was written. I figured out that, if at least I could laugh about it, it could be worth my time.

Take for instance the profile photo of a 21 year old. It was a selfie of him standing sideways without a shirt and the phone covering part of his face. He also had a tattoo on the arm he used to take the shot.

So, you are showing all of your naked torso, but not your whole face? And what do you really want me to look at, the tattoo or your fitted body? Please…

His message read, ‘Wow, hello beautiful. Would love to meet you.’ For what, so you can show me the rest of you (including other art that you may have)? Besides, he lives way out of my area. Not even worth using my gas on that either.

I know I don’t have to reply, but let’s see what happens when I try to scare him away.

‘Thank you for your message, but what is it you are looking to get out of this when I’m old enough to be your mom?’

Lucky me (or not) he was online and didn’t took long to reply. ‘C’mon it could be fun. We could meet for a movie, drinks, or something.’

Yes, fun for you, not so much for me.

I’ll leave it at that. Not going to reply with a ‘no’ when not doing so equals ‘not interested’. I’ll delete the message later.

All right, what’s next? Is there a message from a 30-something?

Let’s check it out then.

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The next morning Alex woke up and had a face he had not rested that well. He didn’t mention anything from the night before. We just stayed in bed for a while and talked about pretty much anything else.

We had breakfast afterwards, and later went out to enjoy the day. Again, nothing from what happened was discussed.

When it started to get late in the afternoon, I thought it was time for me to go home. I didn’t know if Alex was going to ask me to stay again with him for the night (probably not).

He accompanied me home separately in his vehicle. After I parked, I went over to his and asked him if he wanted to come up home.

I noticed his face was again like that of his pictures I saw on the dating site. He wasn’t that much smiling. It was a combination between sadness, frustration and lost as in that he knew it would never happen (us being together).

He agreed to come up (don’t know why). He sat on my sofa with a very serious face. I started getting very nervous, so I asked him what was wrong. He then dropped the bomb, yet again. But, I think this one was bigger than the first one (“I will only go to the trip as your boyfriend.”).

“Why are you with me?” asked he.

“What??? Why are you asking me this?” (Yeah, why am I with him?)

“Well, we have different feelings towards each other and you don’t want to take this a step further.” (Now I’m the one the problem, right.)

“I told you when we first started communicating that I was not doing this for the fun of it or play games with others. I may don’t feel the same way that you do, but I’m not going to get into a situation that is not what I want. It’s unfair to you and especially myself.”

“I think you are with me because you don’t want to be alone.”

Now I was starting to get upset. “Listen, I’ve been alone for a long time, even before my ‘x’ left me. And, that’s kind of rude of you to say when you have your kids and some family here. I don’t have anybody close except my girlfriends.”

“You still haven’t answered my question.”

“You know what? I don’t have an answer for you. But I will prove it to you that I’m not with you because I’m alone. How? I will step out of your life.”



I didn’t touch the subject any more during the night. Sometime late in the evening I woke up and it was dark. At first I was disoriented as to where I was until I saw Alex next to me.

He was sound asleep and looked so peaceful (thank goodness he wasn’t snoring!). I stayed in my position looking at him.

I don’t remember the last time I had shared a bed with a guy. And at that rate that this one is going, I’m not sure if it will happen again any time soon. Could I get used to it again? I guess…

My mind was thinking so many things I lost my sleep. I kept looking at Alex and felt like a jerk. He has been such a great guy with me. He has everything I’ve been looking for in a person, but my feelings are not the same as his.

I was still wired when, without thinking about it, I moved and placed myself very close to him. He didn’t wake up and I kept looking at him, until I started feeling sleepy again.

I don’t know why I did it. I’m emotionally tired of thinking things over too much. Maybe I just need to start improvising or follow my gut feelings.

Hey, perhaps I’ve found the way to attack my situation.



Alex gave me his phone number and let it up to me to make the first call whenever I felt I was ready to, which I preferred. In the past I have been the one who gave out the number, and the guys would either call me right away, or never called at all.

Either way, it was irritating to me, but probably the second one is worst. With the first you know they’re interesting (in whatever level that may be), but calling right away might also make them look desperate (or extremely horny). Not making the call makes them look like total jackasses. If you are not interested, why ask for the number? I mean, couldn’t you figure that out beforehand?

So, when am I making the call? Hmm, now I’m freaking out. Don’t know why, all is going the way I’ve wanted to. Is it ‘the voice thing’ or maybe the fact that I finally met a guy who has a lot of potential?

All I can say is that I’m very nervous. I haven’t had a relationship with a guy since my separation. I don’t know how it feels to have a relationship any more, to have a man I can call my own. And I still haven’t learned what I am supposed to do if that ever happened again.

I am afraid to make the call because I feel I will handle it all wrong. I am scared to give myself the chance to open my heart to someone else and experience something I used to know how good it felt.



About a week or so after I had gone out to the lounge, I got a call to my mobile. Since I did not recognize the number, I decided not to answer it and have the call go to voice mail (hey, isn’t it what it is for?).

The caller did leave a message and, to my surprise, it was Jeffrey. More surprising was what he said. “Hey, it’s Jeff. I was driving around your area and, don’t know why, but I felt the need to call you.”

Oh, how nice it felt when I heard that! I even put my hand at my heart and shrugged my shoulders for how moved I got.

It was a great feeling indeed. His tone of voice sounded soft and sincere, like he appreciated me for who I was and not some ‘crazy cougar’ he met at a bar.

And getting that line of ‘I felt the need to call you’ sounded very romantic to me.

Even more, I felt loved again. I felt for a moment like I was flying on air. I felt pretty and every other good feeling in between.

I heard the message again several more times before calling back. More than showing that perhaps I was desperate (which I was, greatly), I wanted to enjoy this brief moment.

I had no idea what would happen after I returned the call. But during those minutes that I sat there and listened to the message, I had the feeling that my life would be just fine.

It is, so far, right now.



et cetera