The New M.E. Generation

{December 7, 2015}   The Ex-Friend 13 – Talked out

My memory of the next sequence of events is that my friend rented a truck and moved by himself to another state to start a new job with the same company he was working with.

We were now back talking more frequently, but more whenever he could, as he was working 24/7 to make up for the expenses of the move.

He sounded under control as usual, but wasn’t telling much about the status of his relationship. I was curious to know, but I knew he would tell me when he felt it was right to do so.

It was shortly after my birthday that he shared that before his move, things got really bad between him and the bitch, and even the son had to do with it.

He said to her that if she wanted to be with him, she had to make major changes in her attitude and actions, especially those coming from the son. Because she didn’t comply, he told both of them to ‘go f— themselves’. So when the new job came available, he quickly got the truck and left like a bat out of hell.

As the weeks went by, he shared every detail of all 3 years of relationship. From his point of view, there wasn’t anything positive about her, other than he liked when he would go home from work and ‘find a horny woman’ waiting for him.

Regarding the son, he said that he was a bum who watched heavy porn all day in the computer, and was totally disrespectful to him. One time they got into such a heavy argument, he just wanted to beat the crap out of that kid.

The more stories I heard, the more angry and hateful emotions came out of him. It was like a creature hidden inside that would erupt every time he remembered a bad moment.

I couldn’t believe he put up with it all those years. He went as far as saying that he was lied, used, cheated, and taken advantage of by those two low-level people.

It sounded so bad that at times my own marriage and divorce sounded diddle next to him. Even his emotional state was shattered way worse than me. He was refusing to accept this relationship was a total failure and coming to terms with that was damaging him in a way I never seen before in him.

I know all too well about overcoming adversity, but as he kept on and on with his stories, the more I wanted to tell him to stop talking about his relationship, and it wasn’t because it relived bad memories, it just got annoying.

Don’t get me wrong; I did the same thing until someone told me to shut up. Even when I told him nicely, he turned himself into such a victim, I wasn’t feeling sorry for him any more.

With time he sort of got control of his issues, enough for our friendship to go back to what it used to be. It was a feeling that life was finally giving back something I had to forcedly give up when married.

In a way, it was. And that was soon to be put to the test for my next birthday. Let’s just say, be careful what you wish for.

{December 22, 2014}   Love At First Site 26 – I blue it

My table is not that big, so as much as you try to avoid the other person is not possible.

I complemented him on his cooking skills and wanting to eat healthy. I tried to engage in ‘small talk’ as much as possible. I was making eye contact as I was trying not to look away from the reality here: he’s still and will always be old enough to be my child.

I didn’t think about the cougar thing; I knew getting involved with him would get me nowhere and would unbalance my emotional state that I have worked so hard to reinstate.

The comment about my TV’s wasn’t just one that hit a nerve, it was also one that the universe was throwing at me so I would be aware of what to expect from this guy if I allowed for anything to happen beyond this night.

The message is that there will always be something that will remind me of the age difference and thus feeling ‘old’, trigger some other negative emotions, and who knows what else. There’s the other detail about him that his plan is to leave the city to go to med school somewhere else.

I know that (maybe) we could be friends or I should keep my options open regarding anything social. But, am I really interested in investing time with him when I should stick to doing that for myself? I may sound selfish, but in the end it’s all about me.

I kept the mindless conversation going and tried not to think about the big elephant in the room, so I kept looking at his very blue eyes, which began to mesmerize me.

I thought that maybe I should complement him on that as well. But after I say that, what next?

I guess this is what it feels like when ‘you’re having the blues’?

I logged in into the social network and searched for his profile and I quickly found it.

He appeared on his photo with a woman, which caught me by surprise. ‘He’s remarried already?’ I thought to myself. ‘When did this happen? Maybe I’m not all up to date with his whereabouts.’

Turns out he is in a relationship and from the look of his face you could tell he is quite happy with her.

I then reconsidered if it was worth sending him a message. I mean, he’s with someone so there’s no chance there of meeting him personally.

Second, will he remember me?

While analyzing what to do, I started getting nervous. Was it because of what happened at the brunch, or perhaps that I was still clinging to the ‘bigger than life’ image that lingered in my memory?

Yes, there is something related to that. I realized that the problem is that I never really got to know him as a person.

We may have gone out a few times, but I barely recall knowing much about his life, his thinking or even less emotional state.

Because of this, a connection or even a friendship was never established because the foundation for it was never there.

So, again, should I contact him? What are the possible outcomes?

He will not respond to my message because he doesn’t remember me, or he does but is not interested in having contact with me.

He will respond because he does remember me, but is not interested in reconnecting. His reply will be to be courteous and will be something to the extent of, ‘nice to hear from you; wish you good luck, etc.’

Or, he will remember me and will respond with a nice message as in, ‘great to hear from you’, with the possibility of continuing the communication.

Whatever, I’ll just give it a try. What I need to say on the message is, ‘hey, I don’t know if you remember me, but we worked on a TV commercial many years ago. I learned about your divorce and that you’re living in this city. I’m glad that you are in a relationship. Don’t know if it would be possible to speak, but I hope we can contact each other somehow.’

I wrote it as brief as possible and edited it many times before I finally hit the ‘send’ button.

It’s done. The anticipation of what happens next is as bad as waiting for next week’s episode of your favorite show.

et cetera