The New M.E. Generation











Although I didn’t end up doing anything romantic for the weekend, I managed to have fun on my own way.

After the universe intervention inside the store, I spent the rest of the day relaxing at home. I cooked myself some dinner, called a few friends I was pending to do so for some time, and watched a movie on TV. Of course it was romantic, but watched it objectively and let myself dream about my own love future.

The next day (Monday) was a holiday, which made it even better. I rested well, had breakfast and later went to the hairdresser.

One thing I’ve practiced throughout the years is to always take care of myself and do things that help my self-esteem. Even more, it’s another way of expressing myself and continues developing my personality.

Back in the days of my past life, that guy or ‘X’ never liked what I did to my hair. Although I was the one wearing it, I had to get it done the way he wanted it. He would always say, ‘you have to please me’, to which I would reply, ‘and who is pleasing me?’

He would stare at me with a blank face because he was totally moronic and emotionally retarded, and the relationship was all about him. He didn’t care about my feelings or personality.

He wanted me to fulfill his expectations in their entirety and even if I did, it was never good enough. There was still another level that I needed to achieve to make him ‘happy’, which he never was.

So now after all these years on my own, being able to express a part of me is something very powerful. And it will stay as that with whomever comes into my life and wants to be with me.

I also wanted to go to the hairdresser because the weather forecasted cold days this coming week. This meant that if I didn’t take care of it today, I would had to wait for the weather to change again.

I got my hair done and a few days later it got pretty cold. I knew the beach guy disliked the cold weather because it wouldn’t allow him to go ‘topless’ in his car. He would get in a bad mood, so I decided to tease him and have fun with it.

‘Hey, how bad is the weather over there?’ text I.

‘I hate this weather!! Pretty chilly. My nipples are hard, but not all of me.’

‘Shrinkage?’

‘No problem in that department. How’s the weather for you down south? Any activity lately?’

How dare he?? Guess the joke is on me now. I didn’t answer right away, as I was overly upset and wanted to get my thoughts together before I said something very nasty.

‘Guess not?’ asked he.

‘Not answering that. That’s not for you to know.’

‘Right.’

Exactly right. What little emotions I had towards him had just turned cold. Maybe I should wait for the sunnier days to happen before I contact him again, if that.

Maybe that will warm up my heart and look at things differently. But for today, it’s all frozen.

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And the connections kept on coming. But this time I wanted to connect with a guy I had known since my adolescent years which who I had lost touch with all together.

The last time I saw him I was with my ‘x’ back home eating at a deli when I bumped into him. I had not seen him for at least 10 years.

When I saw him again we were quite happy to see each other. I introduced him to ‘that guy’ and he gave me his business card. After I got back to ‘the city’, I misplaced the card or something and didn’t follow-up on contacting him.

Probably more like I putted the card away and forgot about it. My ‘x’ had an issue with me reconnecting with guys from my past, regardless if they had been just that, friends.

It didn’t matter if those former friends were a thousand miles away and I would probably never get to see them again. That guy I was married to with was so insecure, he felt threatened by them, but on what?

I mean, my ‘x’ was unhappy with me for many things, personal and physical. So instead of taking those feelings and figured it out and/or resolved them for the better, he would instead tell me he didn’t like me being friends with any guy.

My ‘x’ was such a jerk that what he was communicating was that he didn’t trust me, and I had to cut ties with others so I would ‘deviate’ from him.

He accomplished that and much more by isolating me and giving up my friendships, and what I represented for myself at that time.

I did not contact this former friend, which I later regretted. After the separation occurred, I confronted my ‘x’.

“You have no idea how much damaging that was to me you saying I had to cut ties with former guy friends,” said I.

He gave me a look of not knowing what I was talking about. Of course, he was never wrong at anything, only me.

“Who the hell you think you were to tell me who I can or can not be friends with?”

His eyes were wide open and a face he was freaking out. He had never seen or hear me this, finally standing up for myself.

“Guess what? I am friends now with all of them.”

“I don’t remember,” said he, “but all I can say is that I’m sorry.”

“No, you’re not!” said I, “You’re saying that now because you’ve always been in denial. If you had been sorry or cared about so many other issues, things would have been a lot more different.”

My ‘x’ lowered his face and eyes. I hope he feels guilty for a long time. But, unfortunately, he’s emotionally retarded, meaning he doesn’t get it. But at least I finally told him how I felt.



et cetera