The New M.E. Generation











I’m not quite sure how much time passed after finishing my Kevin research, but we exchanged a few more messages over the dating site before I asked him to give me his number and what would be a good time to call him (“any time is fine with me”, answered he).

Once I got his mobile, I checked it against the one posted on his social media and the white pages to make sure it wasn’t a VoIP number or had a bad history of any kind. All checked fine accordingly.

So I gave him a call that very same night around 9pm. First impressions were that his voice sounded enclosed and nerdy, speaking with such low speed that it made my eyes close after the first few minutes of listening to him.

I would make questions to confirm the information I read online about his family to keep myself connected to the conversation. But when he would start talking again, I had difficulty staying awake, just like it happens in the morning time.

Still, I was able to learn more about him, including that he competed in triathlons and volunteers once a week at the hospital wing his mother helped create.

What didn’t coincide with what I read was that the family’s company was sold as a result of his father’s passing. I didn’t find the specifics of what really happened that prompted for this to happen.

I mean, I know there’s the possibility that the stores were not doing that well. And there has been cases where the family has not been able to keep businesses afloat once the ‘face of the company’ is gone, or simply because the children have been unsuccessful in running it accordingly. Times also change businesses and with that the people managing them.

But the stores still exist and have kept the name. I haven’t seen any of them being closed or read that they’re financially bad. Maybe the family got “an offer they couldn’t refuse” and decided it was best for everyone to part from them?

But instead, Kevin made it sound like that after his father’s passing, and having worked hard in the company for so many years, it was time for him to go another way.

At no time did he mention his brother in all this, which was also odd to me. If this is another example of sibling rivalry in which the main guy told you to go, then go ahead and tell me.

In other words, I’m not a business expert, but if the numbers don’t add up, then that uneasy feeling that you’re not telling me the truth will point straight at you.

The conversation lasted a little over a half hour. Kevin decided to end it because it was almost time for him to go to sleep. Guess what? I’ve basically been there since the beginning of this phone call.

The usual comments of ‘nice talking to you’, ‘looking forward to meeting you’, ‘will call you again’ were exchanged.

But regarding the second one, when he said that ‘I have to see when I will be in your area’, it made him sound like that he had no intentions of making an effort in getting together with me.

He did react positively when I called, but his personality turned dull and boring afterwards. Coming from someone with a family of so much history, I expected a guy with a lot more energy than the one he presented.

And why am I feeling that I’m having a “Groundhog Day” movie-like moment here?

“Life has a funny way of repeating itself.” True, but in my case, it sucks every time it does.

 

 

 

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I left to my New Year’s party invitation and completely forgot about Ivan on my way to it.

The place I’ve spent this night has been pretty much the same these past few years. Even better, the usual people go there, so we all know each other and I don’t feel out of place in spite of going alone.

It was a great night. I danced, partied plenty, ate great food and even enjoyed being around other people’s kids.

I also made sure and got something to wear just for the night. I went to a secret location that I know and scored a dress from an Asian designer with a quirky pattern that had golden accents on it.

I was glad that I found what I had envisioned on my mind: different, with a metallic color and even more, at a great price.

Yep, metallics are very popular during the holidays, but for me it represented trying to end the year and start the next one with a new glow.

Some of the people complemented my dress and I was glad they did. Thinking back at my other ensembles, I realized how they have evolved as a reflection of my times and emotions.

I will say that this year’s dress is the most fashionable so far. I’ve even changed my hairstyle which I got even more complements for.

If you looked at it you will see that the shape is simple, but the colors are bright (purple, red, blue) in structured lines all over the fabric.

It correlates with my current state of mind that I like things bright as they relate to light or positive things. Metallics reflect sunshine and capture the glow of stars. It all goes back to light, enlightenment, opening your space within yourself to let it shine in new things.

Although the background of the fabrics is black, the intensity of the color was perfect to make the others stand out. So in a way it means that my darker times are moving back and new shades are stepping in.

When midnight arrived I cried as I always do, but less intense as other years. People hugged me and I thanked everyone, including the house dog, for this night which they made it special.

The family even lighted some lanterns, which flew away in the sky. It gave me a feeling that I finally let go of the negative and that the light was showing the universe that, ‘I’m still here, watch me soar’.

I left the party when everyone started leaving and still no sign of Ivan, so I went home and relaxed before going to bed.

It was still dark, but the night had been perfect. I looked at the stars from my window and instead of making a wish I closed my eyes and said to myself, ‘Thank you, thank you, thank you’, and thought nothing else.

I opened my eyes. It’s a new year of new beginnings.



I couldn’t get to sleep that night. All that had to do with he and I kept going around my mind over and over with no resolution.

When I finally fell asleep, I had a dream. In it, he and I were standing face to face. I looked at him straight to his eyes and repeatedly asked him, ‘Why did you leave me? Why?’ while trying to push him away.

He didn’t answer me. He held my hands and I lowered my head with tears coming out of my eyes. He then hugged me and I placed my head on his shoulder and closed my eyes. I felt an immense sense of peace.

I then woke up and stared at the ceiling in the dark, and it all came back to me. We never concluded what we had the last time we saw each other. We simply turned around and walked away from each other and our feelings. We let go of everything that joined us, but not of what we felt towards each other.

So what happens next? Nothing. What we shared belongs to that time and there’s nothing else for me to do other than learn from it and finally close that chapter of my life.

Maybe we needed to part ways and find each other again so we could get it right the second time around. And I think we finally did that, even in the distance. It is now up to us to decide if the connection remains or we part ways again.

Whatever the outcome, he will always remain in my thoughts and can only wish the best for him.

So I guess it will be good-bye, for now.



et cetera