The New M.E. Generation











It has been a few weeks since the ‘beach guy’ resurfaced, so I was curious about him. I know his last text message had ‘booty call’ written all over it and that our last chatting some 2 years ago ended badly, but that’s the way I am. For me, there’s always something underlying here that I want to find out.

I know his behavior proved he’s still the same guy I remember from school, but you always wonder if even a slight behavior modification has occurred.

So I texted him ‘So what’s up with you?’ and waited for an answer. He replied a couple of hours later, stating that he was dealing with a cardio patient in a clinic in Ohio.

After the small talk exchange from both sides was done, he then said: “Well I’m sorry I missed you last time I was there.”

Me: “Next time tell me in advance and it might happen.”

Him: “Well it was a last minute trip. That’s how they usually are.”

Yep, still the same. Felt like saying, “Whatever. You couldn’t even call or text me during your 3+ hours drive that you were headed my way?” But I was in no mood to engage in a new ‘war of words’ that would lead to the same “I’m done” as before. So I didn’t comment on that.

Him: “What might happen 🙂 See you?”

Me: “Yeah if I can meet up with you.”

Him: “Awesome.”

OMG, what’s wrong with this guy? It’s obvious that if he continues to drop by unannounced and giving me a very small window of time to react, I will continue to decline his invitation. “Más claro no canta un gallo.”

The next day in the evening, we again exchanged some more random conversation. Around 10:30pm he sends me a selfie of his face, taken while lying down on the bed. ‘Man, you look old!’ was my first thought.

His facial expression was one I couldn’t quite figure out (so typical of him). Besides showing a serious tone, it was part ‘sleepy’, to perhaps ‘want to join me?’, to ‘like what you see?’, to ‘I want to say something nice to you, but will never tell’, to ‘I was an idiot letting you go’. I know I could have asked him his thoughts, but since he’s hard to decipher, I again left it at that.

I then debated if I should do the same about the selfie. Thought ‘why not?’ and sent it, but I was smiling in it.

Him: “You are so pretty as always.”

Wow, that comment really took me back to the past, when one day he would be super nice to me at the beach, giving me the illusion that he was into me, to then ignoring me completely at school, making me feel rejected and confused. I replied only with ‘Thanks’.

Have to admit that it moved me. It has been a while since any guy have said anything nice to me (the closest is LZ1 – see the Road Less Traveled story). And with all I’ve gone through, it surely made my night.

But thought what I should have really told him was “if you like what you see, you should put a ring on it”, as in ‘here’s your chance now’.

But that’s something I will probably never get to see, unless he’s waiting for me to do that. I mean, I was the one who invited him to come my way multiple times with no success. Hmm, that’s probably because he’s seeing somebody.

Got to get an update on this before I make my next move (or not)!

 

 

 



‘I can’t miss this guy again,’ said I to myself while hoping that the vehicles in front would move far enough for me to get next to his car. (‘Keep going, keep going… Yes! Made it!’) I’ve never been this happy at a red light.

I lowered my window and notice he’s not looking at his mobile (yay!). I wave my hand and say ‘hi’ to him. He stares back at me.

The light changes and his lane moves faster than mine. I notice that he lowers the passenger’s window.

I was so excited like in those scenes in a rom-com movie that you thought would never happen in real life. Only ingredient missing was having my BFF’s with me and shouting our lungs out like high school teenagers.

I hit another red light and was able to position my vehicle again close to him. The guy is smiling and gives me a very nice ‘hi’ back.

Me: “I’ve seen your car like 2 times before.”

He: “I’ve seen yours too” (not the best pick-up line, but who cares?).

Me: “Are you with the band?” (I asked because it’s a known fact that there’s many celebrities in the city I live at).

He: “No, I’m just an old Rock guy. You?”

Me: “I’m not a rocker, but who doesn’t know ‘Stairway to Heaven?” (I make a ‘rock on’ facial expression and hand gesture that goes with it).

He: “This is a very unusual way to meet someone.”

Me: “Yes it is… Are you single?” (please, please, please, let it be ‘yes’).

He: “Yes” (yes!!!).

We look at each other like, is this the part where we exchange our numbers or what?

Because my phone was locked and the light changed to green, I shouted mine through the window for the whole highway to hear. He told me his name, I gave him mine. He called and hanged up so I could save his mobile (which I did under ‘Mr. LedZep1’). And there he went.

I was really proud of myself for being ballsy for what I had just done. During the last leg of my commute, I started remembering other similar moments throughout my life that I took an innocent risk like the one today and paid off.

It made me feel good about myself, but sort of sad as well. Good because this was long overdue of doing something unexpected. Sad because I wondered how much this side of me has been lost.

Maybe I’ve got my mojo back and this was an example that proves it. Perhaps it has been dormant because no other guy (or situation) has recently inspired me to bring it out. Until now.

Whatever it is, I really love when I have a ‘something funny happened on the way to’ moment. It makes everything look so much different.

Question is, should I tell my BBF’s or keep it quiet? How about, lets see what happens first and then decide?

 



I’m not sure how the sequence of events occurred after his return and I started my new job. I believe I finally paid him a quick visit about 3 months after, when I drove there on a Saturday, returning the next day.

On that occasion he wanted to go visit the elderly couple friend of him and his mom, to which I declined. I let him know softly that I wasn’t interested in making a 4-hour visit to them, especially with the limited time I had.

I could tell he wasn’t happy about it, but, honestly, they’re his friends, not mine. I know that they’re also old and living in an elderly apartment building, but I wanted to go out and have fun.

He repeated again that “I don’t know if this will be the last time I see them alive”, which I felt was a total exaggeration. They were old, but were not sick or had a condition to worry about. Their health was good and were taken care of.

Besides, I went there to be with him and his mom because, in a similar fashion, I didn’t know where life would take him or “I would see him again” after he founded a job.

Even more, I wasn’t going to fall on the trap of pleasing him or fulfilling his expectations towards me, which was another change in him that was sitting badly with me.

I spent the day instead with his best male friend, who in the past had been his colleague. He was very nice and took me to a flea market, lunch and dinner.

At the market I met a Kenyan man who was an artisan that worked on wood and stone. I ended buying a small bust of a woman that he carved by hand. His work was impressive and really spoke to me.

Before I left, the guy says to me, “if you have a chance to come back, please do so, as I want to tell you something.”

I’ve know that people from African countries had psychic abilities, so I was intrigued as to what he had to say.

When I got back to the house and told my friend about it, he wasn’t surprised or happy about my experience. He didn’t even say much about what I bought.

He had more of a sour face. Ever since he became an extreme religious fanatic, he rejects anything that doesn’t fit with his ideals.

That was another change in him I disliked. He used to respect other people’s view and beliefs. Now, if any one deviated from his mentality, even slightly, he would totally dislike them.

It was the attitude of “my way or the highway”. He was only socializing with people from church or other extremists. It was clear why he was alone or things were not happening to him (like finding a job). He is the one doing it all wrong.

Before I left the next day, my friend took me back to the flea market. I wanted to buy something else, plus speak to the Kenyan man and learn what he had to tell me.

I got to the place and my friend stood not too far away from me, but far enough not to hear the conversation.

“Something good happened to you recently,” said the man, which I knew it had to do with my new job. “And there’s someone interested in you, but…” He shook his head slightly from side to side in a ‘no’ gesture, with a facial expression of ‘I wouldn’t be with him if I were you’.

I think I quickly looked at my friend, as I knew it had to do with him, the one who was just a few steps away. I wasn’t surprised, more of another confirmation that getting involved with him would be a total mistake.

“I see you meeting a guy that will be good for you,” continued the man, this time with a very positive look on his face. “I think when you two see each other, you’re going to eat each other alive.”

Wow, that’s intense. It made me feel it was going to be like when two stars collide and create an explosion. Yeah, it sounded it would be that great.

When I was back in the car, I limited myself to what I shared with my friend. I said something to the extent of, “the man was right on point about something good happening to me recently.” I obviously refrained from the ‘other guy’ topic, and instead said that my life was headed the right way, that was overcoming my obstacles, and so forth, something more of a generic content.

As I drove home, I kept thinking about the guy, not the new one, but the one at hand. I kept wondering if there was more about my friend that the man didn’t tell me because he was close by. Did he saw something bad coming from my friend and tried to tell to me to ‘be careful’?

He may have not said much, but his face sure said it all. Maybe the underlying message was this: ‘you see that guy not far from you? Take a good look at him, ‘cause soon he’s walking away and out of your life. And it’s going to hit you as hard as these stones that I work with.’

Was the Kenyan man right? Stay tuned.



It was a long night, but a great one. We got home and I was ready to hit the bed after an exhausting day like this. Plus, we were driving tomorrow to celebrate my birthday and staying at his mom’s house, which was to take at least 4 hours to get there.

And just when I thought it was safe to end the day, turns out my friend wasn’t in any mood to do that.

“Are there any open bars around here?” said he in a very wired tone, like if someone had put a drug on his drink or something. “I don’t get to party much and I want to take advantage of this vacation,” continued he.

I gave him an upset look of ‘this is not new year’s eve or going to party like it’s 1999’. “What do you mean? All places are closed at this time,” replied I.

I could have expected this behavior from any other guy, but him? This was totally new to me. The guy I remembered would always get organized ahead and go to bed early, especially when it had to do with a trip that included seeing his mom, the one person he always said to love so much and hated being away from.

He was still looking at me like ‘let’s bring down this house’ with eyes lost in party central. He was so ‘up and going’ that had he had the chance to go anywhere by himself, he would have done it and left me behind.

I had a facial expression of ‘if you leave this apartment, don’t even bother to come back’. He may have been my friend and loved him unconditionally, but I wasn’t going to put up with any stupidities from any guy, including him, just like he had taught me to.

I don’t recall what happened next, but he didn’t leave. He slept in the sofa and I in my room with the door closed, checking my surroundings every so often, just like the night before.

Even with all that happened, I managed to have a good night’s sleep. I woke up rather early; the plan was to try to leave as soon as possible to take advantage of the day.

I stood right at him and he was really crashed. He was deep asleep face up and didn’t felt me there, even when I stick my face almost touching his or when his phone vibrated with a call.

I wondered again if I should take up on his proposition, but this time I really wasn’t feeling it, even less after the stunt he almost pulled off last night. I thought had he done that, I don’t think jumping on top of him or slapping his face would have woken him up.

He obviously wasn’t coming out of his semi-comatose state, so I finished my luggage and ate something quickly.

I could hear his phone buzzing a few more times and he eventually woke up. I didn’t make any comments again regarding the night before. I just wanted to concentrate on the weekend and myself.

My friend went back to being who I remembered him for, focusing on the day ahead and moving forward accordingly. He answered the phone, got up, and ready. We left later than expected, but we did it.

I drove my car and he used his phone’s GPS to lead the way. We even talked about anything and everything, past and present, as we traveled.

It took me back all the way to high school when we didn’t know what life was holding up for us, but somehow managed to find the right way to get there.

Hopefully there will be more other detours that get this trip off track again.



My friend wasn’t done for the day just yet, so he suggested me going to the cafeteria for a snack and meet again an hour later.

I was still freaking out from my last few minutes, but I was sort of hungry, so off I went.

The cafeteria wasn’t that complicated to locate. It was in an open space and everyone there was sitting at the tables studying. This was great, now I can finally ‘blend in’.

I also felt good that my friend was in this school. I was confident that he would be fine not only today, but on whatever he set out to do.

I bought myself a hot dog and soda. I went looking for a table to sit down, but they were all taken, so the only thing to do was to share one.

I glanced at all of them and chose one in a corner with a guy that was very busy in his studies. I thought this was the best option; he’ll keep his attention in his books (not on me), I’ll eat and then leave.

I walked with my tray and politely asked him, “Do you mind if I sit down here?”

The guy moved his head up without taking his eyes off his book as to reply, ‘yeah, whatever’. But when he really saw me, his head quickly went up again, the eyes opened wide, and his mouth opened in a gasp as if an apparition had just became present in front of him. He probably thought I was one of the so-called ‘dogs’.

I freaked out again. I guess that’s a ‘yes’? I sat down slowly and started eating with the best manners I could display. I didn’t want this ‘chick’ with a ‘dog’ turning into one of those school ‘dogs’.

The guy continued staring at me with the same face. I told him that I was visiting from out of state, was here for Spring Break for the first time, etc.

I kept talking on and on like any girl would do. He just kept the same way, speechless, and completely ignoring his studies.

I really took my time to eat and when I was done, I got up with my tray and said, “thank you so much; I have to go now.”

The guy’s face turned into one of sadness and muttered the only word of the day, “why??”

Now I was feeling sorry for leaving, but flattered for a second time in a little over an hour.

The guy’s facial expression was now one of, ‘please don’t go’, and I couldn’t bring myself into leaving.

And then, in the distance, by the entrance of the cafeteria, I saw my friend and said, “my friend’s here; thanks again”.

I walked to my friend, still holding the tray. “Hi,” I said to him. “I was having a bite at that table over there.” I looked back and pointed with my head as if I had done something wrong. The guy now had a face of, “damn him!” I think my friend noticed and somewhat laughed.

Looking back, I wasn’t doing anything wrong, but was respecting my friend’s hospitality, even if I didn’t felt attracted to him. It never crossed my mind of making a move with that other guy.

Second, all this attention about my looks was very nice, but has also created some sort of wall in front of me. It’s pleasant to be told you’re pretty, but when I hear it too many times, it makes me wonder if the guy means it or is using this opportunity to get something else from me. In other words, thank you for your nice words, but what else have you got to say?

Call it shyness or whatever you want. All I will say is this, there was always some universal force circling that was holding me back of going any further with my friend. Back then I couldn’t understand it, but now it’s as clear as a starry night.

It would be years later when our worlds would collide to forever change us. It’s like a meteor that leaves a dent on the ground when it hits. The heat may end and the surface heals, but the hole within will always remain as that, whole.



Ivan came over again and, this time, he looked really bad! His facial expression was a combination between being horribly shocked and ‘I can’t believe this happened to me.’

He and I sat down on the same chairs we did before. It was almost surreal meeting again. It had been a while, but it felt like it was the other day when he told me about his problems.

But now he looked even worse. I was beyond feeling sorry for him. Seriously, this guy was in such bad shape it felt like there was nothing that could be done to help him feel better.

I sat next to him and held his hand once more. I had no idea what to tell him, but I gave it a shot.

“You probably know, but you don’t look good.” (Maybe not.)

He wasn’t affected by my comment. “Listen, I’m really sorry for what happened. I never thought it would. You told me things were bad, but I thought the two of you would work things out.”

He was still not saying anything. “OK, I do understand what happened to you and, like I said before, you don’t have to go through this alone, even less now.”

“I know,” said he, “and I appreciate it. But, I have some fault in all this. I should have handled the relationship another way.”

“Hold on a second! Things were bad and you may have made mistakes, but that doesn’t give her permission to go out and cheat on you.

If she was so unhappy, she should have broken up with you. She then could have done whatever she wanted. But, no, instead, she gets back at you the most hurtful of way!” (Now I was getting really mad!)

Ivan’s expression sort of changed to ‘what’s up with her?’ Yep, my past experiences and feelings got suddenly relieved through another person. I quickly took notice and switched modes.

“Sorry,” said I, “but it upsets me how you feel about yourself. It’s not fair to do that in an effort to find a reason to all this. There are times when we never do. Right now learn from it, vow never to make those mistakes again, and move on. That’s all you can do at this time.”

Wow, listen to myself talk! Ivan was so overwhelmed, nothing really registered on his mind. But it was ok, I was glad he was here and that I somehow managed to give him some comfort (I think).

And, like the first time around, Ivan didn’t say much and thanked me before he left.

I was somewhat concerned about his wellbeing when he did. But, that’s for him to deal with. I think I have done for him all that I could.

You know what? I think he’s going to be all right, and so am I.



{September 19, 2011}   The Undateables 13 – No show

I never got a hold of him. I tried to forget about it, but I was getting upset. Pretty much all the guys I’ve met had been ‘no-shows’ after an initial contact or first date.

Although I know that this guy gravitates towards certain types of women, my situation has become somewhat ridiculous.

I need another ‘friendly intervention’, and this time I’m calling Dina.

“If you don’t impress them right away,” said she, “they don’t want you for anything.”

“What? Not even for a friendship?”

“Maybe as a sex friend. But, no, nothing, not even for moral support, a sympathetic ear, to hang out with, nothing!”

“Well, that sucks!”

“Oh, don’t take it personal. Besides, with his history and your behavior during the date, do you honestly believe anything could have come out of this?” asked she.

My facial expression was at first one of analysis and then of ‘no, not really.’ My silence spoke for itself.

“I thought so. You don’t have to answer. Let it rest.”

She’s right. My girlfriends always are.

After this telephone call, I made a few more attempts to contact the guy with no luck. So, I did that, I forgot about it.

And what do I feel about it now? Nothing.



et cetera