The New M.E. Generation











‘I can’t miss this guy again,’ said I to myself while hoping that the vehicles in front would move far enough for me to get next to his car. (‘Keep going, keep going… Yes! Made it!’) I’ve never been this happy at a red light.

I lowered my window and notice he’s not looking at his mobile (yay!). I wave my hand and say ‘hi’ to him. He stares back at me.

The light changes and his lane moves faster than mine. I notice that he lowers the passenger’s window.

I was so excited like in those scenes in a rom-com movie that you thought would never happen in real life. Only ingredient missing was having my BFF’s with me and shouting our lungs out like high school teenagers.

I hit another red light and was able to position my vehicle again close to him. The guy is smiling and gives me a very nice ‘hi’ back.

Me: “I’ve seen your car like 2 times before.”

He: “I’ve seen yours too” (not the best pick-up line, but who cares?).

Me: “Are you with the band?” (I asked because it’s a known fact that there’s many celebrities in the city I live at).

He: “No, I’m just an old Rock guy. You?”

Me: “I’m not a rocker, but who doesn’t know ‘Stairway to Heaven?” (I make a ‘rock on’ facial expression and hand gesture that goes with it).

He: “This is a very unusual way to meet someone.”

Me: “Yes it is… Are you single?” (please, please, please, let it be ‘yes’).

He: “Yes” (yes!!!).

We look at each other like, is this the part where we exchange our numbers or what?

Because my phone was locked and the light changed to green, I shouted mine through the window for the whole highway to hear. He told me his name, I gave him mine. He called and hanged up so I could save his mobile (which I did under ‘Mr. LedZep1’). And there he went.

I was really proud of myself for being ballsy for what I had just done. During the last leg of my commute, I started remembering other similar moments throughout my life that I took an innocent risk like the one today and paid off.

It made me feel good about myself, but sort of sad as well. Good because this was long overdue of doing something unexpected. Sad because I wondered how much this side of me has been lost.

Maybe I’ve got my mojo back and this was an example that proves it. Perhaps it has been dormant because no other guy (or situation) has recently inspired me to bring it out. Until now.

Whatever it is, I really love when I have a ‘something funny happened on the way to’ moment. It makes everything look so much different.

Question is, should I tell my BBF’s or keep it quiet? How about, lets see what happens first and then decide?

 

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The next thing I remember about this guy is that he called to tell me that he finally located a position within his current employer…. In the Pacific!

“The Pacific?? What happened to the opening two states from you?” said I.

“The closer one, there could be a possibility a year from now. I tried negotiating for that, but I don’t know right now if it will happen. The one in the Pacific is the only thing available if I want to stay working with this company,” replied he.

I was listening to him and didn’t know what to think. This location didn’t feel good to me because of the distance, but it’s upsetting that he was now in this situation. He should have started searching for a job way back, but he didn’t because he wanted ‘to be in good standing’ with the people who helped him get the last one.

That may sound very ‘bromantic’, but when your bills pile up, they’re surely not going to help you on that. Honestly, he was being a cop out. The guy I knew always had a plan that knew well when and how to execute, and wouldn’t wait for no one to help him; he took charge right away and wouldn’t stop until accomplished.

“I’ve spent many hours at church thinking this over and this is where He wants me to be,” said he.

Oh, Lord. Here we go again. Nothing new as to the way he was now dealing with anything in his life, except that something way beyond you has control over you (which sounds more like that psycho ex of his).

“I respect your decision, you know I always do. Maybe this is good for you after all you’ve gone through? You’ve always managed to turn things around for the best before,” said I.

“The thing is I will be living at a military base and it don’t allow cars, so will rely on a bicycle they will have to supply to me. Plus, my mobile won’t work over there. The location is pretty, but the time difference and new environment will be a challenge,” said he.

Oh, definitely that and more. This is what I’m talking about; had he done his homework of getting a job earlier, this conversation would be way different.

He then proceeded to explain the decision to leave was done and he was departing rather quickly to avoid the expenses when without a job, like rent. He had already set aside a storage space for one of his cars and another for his personal belongings. He was to leave a second car with his mom.

That’s one thing I had forgotten about. His cars. And they were three. Why so many? Because, according to him, if one broke down, he would have two others to use and not be without wheels.

I remember his first one, which he acquired back home second hand and used to give it basic maintenance himself. I also remembered that another one of the three kept having problems, and he would drive it to the dealer in his previous location to service it, costing him vacation days, money, gas, etc.

It was quite a few times he did that trip back and forth, as the car kept having problems after the dealer worked on it. He would drive for days to get back home. We would speak for hours on the phone and as long he could stay awake, to then check in at a motel to rest, and then continue his journey the next day.

I never understood the need of a third vehicle or keeping one that was problematic, or taking it to the dealer for repair when he knows well it’s always more expensive.

We’re talking about triple insurance policies, gas, maintenance costs, etc., and now an additional storage space to pay for. There’s no value on that, not even sentimental.

Reality is he was being a hoarder trying to fulfill some emotional void he lacked. Had he being in his right mind, he would have stayed with just one, two tops, and gotten rid of the problematic one as soon as it started being a burden. He wouldn’t show any emotions towards a vehicle; he would be objective and would get rid of anything that wasn’t working any more (including people).

Unfortunately, he was now clinging to the wrong things, including the loser ex, the residues of a toxic relationship, a codependency with questionable religious people, an unstable life, and uncertain future.

And now you’re leaving to the Pacific? Hmm. Maybe this is more about that he’s running away from it all than anything else. So, it is good, is it bad? Can I say that there’s always something good within the bad? I guess this is what it means when they say that ‘the universe works in mysterious way’. Please hold.



I have been pretty good in keeping my own promise of not contacting other guys.

Some have sent me messages once in a while just to inquiry about me.

I would read the message, analyze the content, as well as time and date received, and then reply, but not right away.

I know I don’t have to reply, but good manners never go out of style, and they reflect who I am as a person, so will keep it up.

One thing I’ve done different is that I don’t ask them ‘when are we seeing each other?’. If they were the ones to ask, then I would reply as brief as possible: ‘Don’t know. You tell me.’

Of course they would never follow-up, so at least I would ‘feel’ good that they remember me for whatever reason that may have been.

The year came and went, and when the holidays were approaching, I thought about just wishing then good things as you’re supposed to. Besides, I had no regrets or hard feelings, so, why not?

The thought circled my mind for days, but with work and projects pending before vacation started, I kept telling myself to do it for days, but wouldn’t get around to do it.

When I finally made the time to do so, I get a text no other than from Ivan. It was like my thoughts had text him instead.

He was one of those that were on my mental list to contact.
In spite of his many failed relationships and tons of dispensed advice to him, plus all those times he said ‘we will definitely meet’, which he never got to, there has always been something about this guy that brings me back to him. Trying to decipher what that is as complex for me as trying to understand what really happened that we’re not together.

“Happy holidays”, text he.

“Thanks! Likewise. How’s life treating you?” (meaning as if you’re involved with someone). Last time I spoke with him he had recently ended the relationship ‘for good’ after endless attempts.

The breakup and comebacks were so bad, I told him at one point that I didn’t know what was worse, his tumultuous relationships or me not having found a boyfriend since becoming single.

“What are your plans?” asked he then.

“Staying around. Got some invitations. You?”

“Leaving town, but will be back before the new year. We definitely need to do something when I return.”

“Sounds good. Call me. Have fun.”

I know he won’t call, not even if Santa appeared to him. It’s one of those things you stopped believing in when you learn the truth about it, but just don’t want to let go off.

It was a great feeling when you got what you once wished for and one just wants to feel it again.

After all, isn’t that’s what the season about, believing?



et cetera