The New M.E. Generation











It’s been a while since I last spoke with Ivan, so I decided to give him a call.

I know it’s basically a waste of time with him. He’s another one of those whom I call and never answers it, no matter what time I do.

Most of the time he eventually calls back, but when he does, he’s either in a relationship or out of it, swearing to me he doesn’t want to be with anyone, period.

He always says he will call me to have a drink, just as friends, which he has been telling me since forever.
Reality is he stays single for a while, but when he starts feeling alone, he gets involved with someone, even when knowing he’s not ready for it.

Then the relationship gets really complicated, like cheating, nasty break-ups, reconciliations, more break-ups, and so on until it finally ends worst than the sinking of the Titanic.

Yep, he’s one of those people that are attracted to melodrama and disfunctionality. Hey, I may have been full of that at another time in my life, but if we had gotten involved romantically, I’m sure it would have progressed in a more civilized manner.

The other sad part about him is that I’ve offered my friendship to him repeatedly, but he doesn’t take it.

He’s the type of person that surrounds itself with bad vibe that doesn’t allow him to get beyond that negative funk he’s stuck at. It’s like he actually enjoys being in that mode.

Again, my life is not any better than many, but it sure is way more than his, that is, emotionally. And I bet you I’m one of the few, maybe the only, who is willing to be a true companion to him with no expectations.

Even sadder, I think he’s genuinely a good person and deserves better. But this is how he’s handling his romances when he knows damn well they’re a disaster and needs to correct this behavior.

I won’t deny feeling sorry for him, but when I compare his relationships to my current state of affairs (or lack of thereof), I actually feel good about myself.

I do get frustrated for not having a relationship all these past years and that most guys met have been almost not worth my efforts, but I’ve certainly evolved (a lot!), and feel closer every day of reaching that much needed maturity that will allow me to have a successful relationship.

It has been a crazy ride, but the final destination doesn’t feel that distant away any longer.

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{December 10, 2009}   The Accidental Cougar 2 – Charge!

Shortly after my past life began (my ‘x’ had left me but no dissolution finalized yet), I was really angry at everything. I couldn’t wait to do things, lots of them (like?) that would get my life rolling again (meaning?).

Everything was confusing to me back then. I had no sense of direction and felt completely alone. I just wanted to get even at my ‘x,’ and now that I was supposedly ‘free,’ I wished to do all that I’ve felt missed or was unable to do throughout my married years.

Yep, I wanted to do so much when, honestly, I felt I had nothing to look forward to. It was just myself, with plenty of emotions to deal with.

It was a Saturday afternoon when my phone rang. It was a friend of mine who proposed going with another girlfriend of hers to a bar/club that I’ve wanted to go for some time. “I certainly do!” said I very enthusiastically.

After the call, I went straight to my closet and looked for the dress that I thought would be the sexiest to wear. I was definitely on a hunting mode; my mission from now on was to meet and date as many guys as I could.

I wanted to be the ‘it girl,’ a ‘party animal,’ ‘the wild thing.’ Whatever that would bring out the other side of me that had been dormant inside as a result of my ‘x’s’ influence and all of his stupidities.

And if someone that knew me saw me, even better. What a great revenge it would have been that news got to his ears that the one ‘you left behind’ was now all changed, hot and living life to the fullest.

Let the game begin…



et cetera