The New M.E. Generation











“Hello” and” Hello, you!” was what we said to each other while hugging at the top of the stairs.

I got slightly nervous and didn’t know what else to say besides, “sorry about the wet floor. It always happens when it’s windy and pouring rain”.

I welcomed him into my apartment; he noticed I usually leave my shoes at the entrance, so he did the same. His were very beach shoes. I didn’t like them; thought he would wear something dressier, besides a polo shirt and jeans, to see me.

The other thing that struck me was the big belly that he had. Couldn’t believe this was a guy whose physique was the envy of anyone back in the day. And now seeing him like this, as someone who ‘gave up’ on this aspect of his life, doesn’t correlate with a person I always saw as successful in anything they would set out to do.

But the most shocking thing of all occurred when I looked at him from head to toe and asked myself, ‘has he always been this short?’

I’ve never considered myself that small, more of an average height, but had always wanted a few more inches. In comparison to me, he had less the inches that I wanted to gain. Standing face to face, the disparity was obviously visible, and for the first time ever, I felt tall.

He sat down at my sofa and I on my chair. I had no idea where to start the topics of conversation, so I started with his divorce. It was still ongoing and as messy as I remembered him telling me about it.

He believes that all that really happened is that she had a mid-life crisis and now she’s doing all that she never did until today, like having a younger boyfriend, traveling, give him a hard time.

Yep, sounds sort of my story. Instead of my ‘x’ having menopause, he had ‘peckerpause’, as in thinking life was leaving him behind like a train and needed to reproduce right away. He kept the one who immediately opened her legs and gave him what he wanted.

I have made some travels and dated more than one younger man. It hasn’t been exactly great, but quite an experience indeed.

This guy also told me about his kids and how close he is to them, his parents and sibling, and how, in the future, once his kids are all grown up, would like to work abroad.

Wow, some things never change. His family was always close to each other and now he’s the same with his kids. And him planning going international, no surprise either. What he envisions, he always gets.

And while I was listening to him, that same insecure feeling I felt back then slowly resurfaced to the top. Here I am with no significant other or kids, and not exactly close or distant with my scattered family. But, worst of all, I have no idea or plans of what my future will or should be.

I’m just living life day by day and don’t give much thought about what will, or should, happen next.

I know there’s nothing wrong with that or should feel bad about it. But with this guy, as I said before, some things will always remain the same, no matter what.

Not even a historical moment like this one can fix it.

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{September 14, 2011}   The Undateables 11 – Excuse me!

As the night progressed, I started feeling not that well. The munchies at home, strong drink, bad mood and all else had finally taken a toll on me.

I was trying to hold myself together, but it started to get uncomfortable and even wishing that I could go home soon.

He then suggested getting some appetizers. I agreed. Hopefully that would ‘save’ me. But before they arrived, I excused myself.

I tried not to run to the bathroom, but I had to puke. It didn’t matter if my body was asking for it, it didn’t work. I don’t know how long I was there, but probably too long for a ‘brb’.

I went back and the food was there. I had some, kept drinking my only one of the evening, and tried to keep the date going. I excused myself two more times and, on the third, I finally puked, big time.

I don’t know how long I was there, but I did until I felt somewhat better. By the time I got out, this guy had obviously figured out my situation. I don’t remember if he asked or not about my condition. Maybe he did, but I was sick.

Whatever else happened afterwards is all a blur to me. We did stay at the bar the whole night and ate some more, but no more drinking for me.

He drove me back home, I thanked him for the night, got upstairs to my apartment, washed my face and went straight to bed. I don’t recall if we agreed on seeing or talking to each other again, and if there was more puking from my part.

I don’t even remember analyzing how the whole experience was. I did felt that what related to this guy was over, all of it.

I was feeling ‘bad’ because of my condition, but not that probably nothing else was to happen beyond this night.

Maybe this is a first for me not allowing a guy to come into my life and turn my feelings upside down.

Well, in a certain manner, he did. Let’s just wait until I wake up tomorrow.



et cetera