The New M.E. Generation











{September 18, 2017}   Looking Back 63 – Turning point

It was inevitable to revert back to the past. I mentioned again (don’t know what number this was) that I didn’t understand his behavior towards me of being super nice at the beach, to then ignore me at school.

Him: “I’ve always done things my way outside the box, you know that. Always low key, especially now with work. That’s why I hate social media. No need for people to know what I do” (there wasn’t anything low key about all those photos you showed me before of the many toys you have, including several cars, an RV, boat, etc.).

Me: “Yes, at school you were in your zone (more like having a wall in front of you), always studying (that you used to have people afar). You only took part in minimal activities. When it had to do with an effort that involved everyone in your class, like a sketch for the Pep Rally, you cooperated. If not, no.”

I was wondering if he at least would say ‘sorry for that’, but no. Still the same on that.

We returned home and continued the conversation. We were sitting on my sofa, when he suddenly got down on both knees, putting his arms on top of my legs, looking at me with his face very close to mine. I was as calm as I’ve ever been.

Him: “I don’t know what to do about you” (if you like what you see, you should put a ring on it).

Me: “Well, since you said the distance is an issue and don’t want me putting too many miles on my leased car, I guess nothing will happen. You keep saying all these nice things about me, but don’t do anything afterwards.”

Him: “Distance is a problem” (wrong answer buzzer sound effect). I gave him a look of ‘you know that’s not it.’

“I have a problem with being committed” (buzzer again. You were married for over 15 years; what do you call that?).

“Truth is, I need someone that wants to be with me for what I am and can put up with my schedule, not be attracted by this supposed lifestyle that I have. They hear about the fancy things my clients have and think I will tag them along when working, but that’s not how it goes” (‘ding ding ding’ sound effect).

Me: “You need a woman that can hold her own, is independent, and comfortable with her life and space when she’s not with you” (which is pretty much me, don’t you think?).

We kept looking at each other like those movie scenes where you wonder when the decisive moment will occur.

Me: “I’m at peace, Frank. That’s all you need to know. I’m fine with my life, past, you and me, the blonde you’re seeing. Like I said before, if that’s what you want, go for it.”

Him (while now looking away): “Her?? I sort of feel guilty being here. She’s a nice girl… (and other complements).”

Me: “But you’re not that into her. (He gave me a look that I was right on this one. Of course I am. If he was serious about her, he wouldn’t be texting or sending selfies every time we communicate, saying how beautiful I am, even less trying to see me every time he’s in town.)

If you and I tried being together, we would have to start from scratch. Put the past behind and deal with the now. Correction, I need to do that. That would be the only way if there was ever a chance.

You have to figure out what you want for yourself. Including her. And I’m not upset with you. Not any more. If you can’t be with me, or don’t want to, that’s up to you.”

Sometime later, I walked him to my apartment complex gate. The limo was parked outside waiting for him. I hugged and kissed him good-bye, much like that day at the school’s assembly when I wondered if I would ever see him again.

So what do I think the ending to all this will be? My forecast is this: he’ll stay with the blonde. When he realizes that it’s me that he really wants, he will come back, only to find me with someone else.

Because that’s how the universe works. It gives you a number of chances to make things right. But if you base your decisions on anything except love, then it will take away what you took for granted.

He will get his boat, that’s for sure. And will sail away wondering what his life would have been if he hadn’t let me go.

It’s “certain as the sun, rising in the east. Song as old as rhyme. Tale as old as time. Ever just as sure, as the sun will rise.” – Beauty and the Beast

 

 

 

 

 



{September 21, 2015}   The Ex-Friend 2 – Not seeing it

This guy started talking about a girl he had a relationship with, that they had broken up, but somehow he ended up in her apartment, had sex with her because she managed to get that from him, and when he left the place, was so upset with himself, that he hit the hood of his car so hard it created a dent.

The woman was sitting at the balcony laughing, but not at the car, but at him for getting what she wanted.

The way he referred to the laugh was one of sarcasm, almost as if she was getting even or didn’t care anything about him.

I was listening to him quietly and still in shock, not because of this story, but for this mystery woman.

In all the years we have been friends, I only knew of one during high school. I had seen him with her once in her school. He introduced me to her; I don’t recall if they were holding hands or not, but the way they walked clearly showed they had something together.

The other time I remember her was at a career day at her school. She was alone, but we talked to each other briefly and she never asked me anything about my relationship with this guy.

Looking back I don’t know why I didn’t question him. We both had significant others, but he said that he had feelings for me.

How did this didn’t raise a red flag with me? Was as I too naive, trusted him blindly, or perhaps I was too much into myself that I simply didn’t get it?

And then during and post college years, he didn’t mention any love interests either from his side. In my mind he had never lost his feelings for me. And our conversations usually centered around me as well.

He had his issues as well, but his approach and tone of voice were one of understanding why it was or had happened, and had resolved or come to terms with it, which was the opposite of me.

We had been close friends for the longest time, sharing the good and bad, to the point that we knew the other more than we did ourselves.

So why didn’t he tell me about this, especially when it was obvious that it ended in a chaotic way?

He had always known about the guys in my life, and now with my then ex-spouse, a relationship that at that moment was stable and solid.

I kept listening to him and this guy wanted to talk at that moment. That’s how desperate he was. He was way more broken than when he told me about his grandmother. In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever seen him this way.

I didn’t wanted to let him down, but I was also on my way to see my then ‘x’. It was a delicate balancing act I never had before.

What I recall after this is that we agreed to discuss it either in person or phone. I continued to my ex’s apartment and didn’t tell him about the incident.

I don’t remember if the conversation ever happened, but I’m sure I probably felt guilty for leaving my friend all sad behind.

He had always been the main man in my life, but now things had changed for me, and certainly for him.

Yep, no matter what, things never remain the same, ever. And it’s not necessarily life that does it, mostly it’s because of us, and many times in the worst of ways.

It’s like a low blow that you didn’t see it coming.



et cetera