The New M.E. Generation











{September 9, 2013}   Take Me Back 20 – Picture this

I recently checked my profile page and saw Johann vacationing with his wife in Europe. In the photo, they were sitting together around a fountain.

Heck, I felt jealous, not necessarily because I wished I could be with him. But the location looked awesome and the sky was crystal blue. Photos can surely say a thousand words.

I also asked myself when was the last time I took a vacation, even more with a significant other.

I couldn’t answer the question because it has been so long. So much it felt like I have never experienced it. You look at something and try to capture what the image projects and wonder how it would be if it were you.

I kept looking at the photo and those of others and realized how I’m somewhat living my life through their eyes.

Johann has what I want to have: a spouse, family, home of my own, and even pets.

He’s surely a very lucky and fortunate guy and he probably doesn’t even know it.

And what can I do about it? I’ll just create my own mental photo of the guy I want and the place I want to be with him, and let the universe take care of it and ‘post it’ when it happens.

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It felt like last year all over again. We were basically talking every day for long extended periods of time.

I was again telling him about all my happenings, especially those concerning guys. I was giving him too much info, which was making him jealous because he wished it were him who I was with (me too).

All those emotions we felt last year surely came back, but there was one I really needed to take care of, the hurt he caused me when he abruptly ‘disconnected’ from me.

“Listen,” said I, “ I appreciate you contacting me again and listening to all my stories, but what you did was very hurtful to me, and I’m still not quite over it.”

“I had no idea how deep it was for you. I don’t know how much more I can apologize or make you feel better. Like I told you before, finding you again turned out totally different from what I expected.

It all happened so fast, these emotions I felt again towards you, and I just didn’t know how to handle it. I shouldn’t have proceeded the way I did and I was wrong. All I can do is promise I won’t hurt you again,” said he.

I sort of felt better, but not really. Reality was we were back to where we did before: we wished we could see each other (and be together), but it’s not possible now, probably never.

So all that there’s to it is just enjoy these brief moments we have together, even in this distance, and just hope some sort of miracle might happen for us, whatever that might be.



et cetera