The New M.E. Generation











I kept trying to locate him online, but continued to have no luck. I even enlisted the help of someone who had lived in his country, with the hopes that she could do a better search than me.

This person even traveled there for the holidays one year and I felt compelled to ask her if she could try to locate Johann.

But with the possibility that he was still married and I not knowing how he would react that me, via a total stranger, was looking for him, I thought it was best not to.

Although I told her about my connection with him, it was also a lot to ask for her to do, especially on vacation.

So when even her help didn’t work either, I decided to desist from it. I took it as a sign that maybe he wasn’t into me finding him and life was simply protecting me from getting hurt. It did anyway.

Many months went by and I was busy at something when he came to my mind. I was perplexed that I was so concentrated on what I was doing and this happened.

I had to stop all together and questioned myself, ‘what’s going on?’ I even felt confused and couldn’t find an explanation to what I was experiencing.

A few days later I was checking my emails in my profile when I received one that read, ‘are you Emma, the one who lived at this address?’

It was he! I saw his picture and knew it was he right away. He looked exactly as I remembered him.

All my memories passed through my mind in an instant. It was as if time had stood still.



After I hung up my phone call with Mark, I remained seated for a while with my head resting on the back frame of the sofa. Some tears were still coming down from my eyes.

I knew that Mark, one way or the other, would get me to confront the real issue at play, which was ‘I don’t want to get hurt.’

This was the real deal. It had nothing to do with giving myself a chance, or finding that other person I was back in college, or that I offered my sofa to sleep, and whatever else had me all mixed up.

Yes, this is what it boiled down to and I’m running away from it so doesn’t happen again.

So what’s next? All I thought was to have another serious talk with Jay, expose him to this situation and, depending on his response, make the final decision about his trip.

Since I was still too emotional, I decided to place the call the next day after getting a good night sleep and my thoughts in order. After going through the usual ‘hello’s’ and ‘how are you?,’ we picked up the trip topic.

After reviewing it one more time, and me expressing my anxiety for the millionth time, I finally popped the question to Jay: ‘How do I know that you’re not going to hurt me?’

“Emma, I promise, I promise, I won’t hurt you.”

Jay said other things afterwards, which I don’t recall. I do remember closing my eyes and finally exhaling in relief. It was as if a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I opened my eyes and felt no more anxiety. Everything now just looked clear to me.

“All right Jay, you can come and visit me.”



et cetera