The New M.E. Generation











This is what basically has been happening. Every so often I write him an email when I get reminded of him because I hear his first name.

The subject line always reads like, ‘Can I get you off my mind?’ or ‘You became present again’.

The content of the mail describes the incident of how I remembered him, that all I want is to really forget him, and don’t understand why the universe is playing games with me on this.

He sometimes replies that he’s sort of a force that refuses to go away from my life and it‘s interesting how his presence is remembered.

He always mentions that he’s my friend and he hopes our friendship continues, and that life will gift me with a worthy relationship.

Other times he doesn’t reply at all. Maybe it’s an overkill that I write about the same thing every time. Most probably is that he’s telling me nicely that we need to move on.

If you look at the replies closely, he never talks about us. It’s about me thinking about him, and he finding an explanation of why they occur.

He replies because he has to, especially to back-up his friendship argument. But it’s clear I’ve been stretching this situation for far too long.

The same goes for his social media profile. I was devastated when he closed it. I thought it all had to do with me.

It was months later when he reactivated it. I felt as if I had reconnected with him. But then, instead of me ‘staying away’, I continued writing posts in his profile.

I recently got a request from his daughter. I got nervous because I felt exposed as if the world knew who I was.

I told him about it, and his wife and daughter were questioning him who I was. He told them that I was and old college girlfriend.

Regardless of what the truth is or not, I created a huge problem for him and it’s not going away unless a change is made.

So what did I do? Of course I declined the request and stood back for a while. But as soon as I go online and read his posts, I get the impulse of writing something.

Sadly, all that I’m doing is looking for some acknowledgement from him that he still thinks about me.

I’m surprised he hasn’t cut me off all together. Whatever the reason for him doing that, both the universe and him are sending out this message from afar of what I should do.

And if I’m always reaching out to the outer limits for guidance and advice, why am I ignoring the huge, visible crater that’s in front of me?

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I’ve been doing something for some time that I shouldn’t be, and it has been reaching out to this former college love interest when I know well I shouldn’t be.

Every so often I send him an email, especially when I’m sad, have a guy issue, or just simply want to have someone to listen to me on whatever matter is causing me to feel upset towards life in general.

The real sad part about this is that if he replies, he usually does it from his phone, using incorrect grammar because he’s obviously writing in a rush.

He always apologizes for doing it quickly because there’s always something going on in his life (meaning his family) and time is limited.

The end part of the message always has the same tone; he repeats that he’s my friend and hopes we continue to be, wishes me good things, and that all works out for me.

The last entry means that I find a guy that appreciates who I am and that finally stays with me for the long haul.

This may all sound great, but it hasn’t fulfilled the emotional need that still clings me to him. As much as I was trying to forget him all together, something always reminds me of him, especially when I hear his first name.

It is so ridiculous, I raise my head up looking for him as if he was to magically appear.

The other thing I do is check my emails constantly after I send him one, waiting for his reply. I can read it loud and clear, but don’t want to read between the lines.

It translates that he’s doing it because he feels sorry for me. He always wishes me well and that I find the guy deserving for me because he tries to make me feel better towards the lousy situation I’m going through.

It’s like getting a second place prize. I know what his situation is, but I get disappointed that he doesn’t respond that way I want to. I want him to tell that somewhere within him he still feels something for me.

I’m behaving like a juvenile, hoping the universe will play its part to turn things around the way I wished for.

What’s wrong with me? After all these years and what I’ve gone through, I should have learned my lesson already.

Yes, we may still communicate via email, he re-opened his profile on social media and I became his friend again.

But his wife and daughter are seeing what I post (again, why am I doing it when I know it?) and I’m exposed to all other people within their list.

I may be single and available to do whatever I want, but I’m stretching it so far that I’m making a fool of myself.

Actually, I’m probably pushing to be considered something unpleasant, like a bitch and idiot who has no clue that my behavior is totally unacceptable.

Definitely not a nice picture to put yourself into.



et cetera