The New M.E. Generation











I know I’ve said many times over that the best thing for me to do is stay away from people that are not good for me, especially guys that just drop off radar for no apparent reason.

Every so often I’ve broken my own promise of doing so. Case in point, Ivan. He’s one of the few that once in a while I send him a text. Chances of response are slim; calls are not really worth the effort. Sometimes he replies, sometimes he doesn’t, and if he does call, the conversation is limited to no more than 5 minutes, if that.

So if it is so complicated, why do I reach out to him? Good question.

I recently started calling people I haven’t spoken to for some time and his name always comes to mind. But this time I decided to text. This way would just do it and forget about the rest.

“Hey Ivan, what’s going on?” is all I wrote.

A few days later, while at my lunch break, the phone rang; it was him.

“Emma (—-)”. I couldn’t understand the second part of what he was saying. It sounded like ‘ciao’.

“Why are you saying ‘good-bye’ to me?” asked I.

“No, I’m saying hello in my native language.”

“Oh, ok; I wasn’t expecting your call.”

“I’m sorry, I’ve been working so much and my employer got sick, and it has been crazy…” This is not the first time I’ve heard this. I was getting a stomach ache of just listening to him. In fact, it’s the norm for him; working until he drops, with no fun or something good to talk about.

“I can sense in your voice that you’re really stressed out. Surprised you didn’t say you got sick yourself.”

“I just need to seriously take a vacation. But you think they would care about me or how I feel??”

“No, they don’t, unfortunately.” And it doesn’t just include work, it refers to many people in general. “You know, you don’t have to go very far to disconnect. It’s just a matter of really resting and not having to worry about anything else.”

“I know. I used to be more fun, had more of a social life. Now I just want to go home and sleep.”

“There’s nothing wrong with doing that,” said I. “Besides, you don’t need to fulfill other people’s expectations, only yours.” (Silence from him.) “So, are you dating anyone?”

“Ah, yes, no; going out with somebody. She’s been very helpful with me with an investment I’m trying to do.”

“Sounds like you feel obligated to be with her because of that.”

“Well, she’s a good woman overall. What about you?”

“I tried that website you told me about and got a lot of too young guys just wanting to sleep with me. And the ones my age look really bad.”

Ivan started laughing. I think it’s the first time I hear him do this. “How about church?” asked he. “Where I go there are many single guys.”

“Mine is full of families. Your town is another market; it’s party central.”

“Listen, I have to go, but we should get a coffee or something some time.”

“Ivan, you know how many times you’ve told me that? I’ve given up on you.”

“I know, everyone has given up on me.”

“I meant that most probably you and I won’t get to see each other again. You’re a good guy. You just have to stop living life for others.” (Silence again.) “Don’t do as I did and found myself totally lost when I got divorced, with no sense of who I was.” (More silence.) “Like I said, you’re a good guy. And I call you because a supreme force gets in my head telling me to do so. What can I say?”

Ivan was speechless and I felt that his anxiety sort of calmed down. The words I had said flowed out in a way as if it was someone else delivering them through me.

After hanging up I knew the universe was the one to blame. Ivan is going through a never-ending difficult time and was emotionally in a desperate need for some sympathetic support.

It was almost as he needed a miracle. You know what, it actually did.

Advertisements


I kept trying to locate him online, but continued to have no luck. I even enlisted the help of someone who had lived in his country, with the hopes that she could do a better search than me.

This person even traveled there for the holidays one year and I felt compelled to ask her if she could try to locate Johann.

But with the possibility that he was still married and I not knowing how he would react that me, via a total stranger, was looking for him, I thought it was best not to.

Although I told her about my connection with him, it was also a lot to ask for her to do, especially on vacation.

So when even her help didn’t work either, I decided to desist from it. I took it as a sign that maybe he wasn’t into me finding him and life was simply protecting me from getting hurt. It did anyway.

Many months went by and I was busy at something when he came to my mind. I was perplexed that I was so concentrated on what I was doing and this happened.

I had to stop all together and questioned myself, ‘what’s going on?’ I even felt confused and couldn’t find an explanation to what I was experiencing.

A few days later I was checking my emails in my profile when I received one that read, ‘are you Emma, the one who lived at this address?’

It was he! I saw his picture and knew it was he right away. He looked exactly as I remembered him.

All my memories passed through my mind in an instant. It was as if time had stood still.



{September 19, 2011}   The Undateables 13 – No show

I never got a hold of him. I tried to forget about it, but I was getting upset. Pretty much all the guys I’ve met had been ‘no-shows’ after an initial contact or first date.

Although I know that this guy gravitates towards certain types of women, my situation has become somewhat ridiculous.

I need another ‘friendly intervention’, and this time I’m calling Dina.

“If you don’t impress them right away,” said she, “they don’t want you for anything.”

“What? Not even for a friendship?”

“Maybe as a sex friend. But, no, nothing, not even for moral support, a sympathetic ear, to hang out with, nothing!”

“Well, that sucks!”

“Oh, don’t take it personal. Besides, with his history and your behavior during the date, do you honestly believe anything could have come out of this?” asked she.

My facial expression was at first one of analysis and then of ‘no, not really.’ My silence spoke for itself.

“I thought so. You don’t have to answer. Let it rest.”

She’s right. My girlfriends always are.

After this telephone call, I made a few more attempts to contact the guy with no luck. So, I did that, I forgot about it.

And what do I feel about it now? Nothing.



I finally found the courage to call him. I did around late in the evening, thinking he would be done with whatever he needed to do and available. Before I dialed I started getting anxious.

What if he doesn’t answer? I didn’t give him my number, so chances are he will not take the call. Well, that’s what I would do. So if he doesn’t answer, I will try again at another time, like the next day.

OK, here we go…(it’s ringing).

“Hello?” “Hi, it’s Emma.” “Hey, you finally called!” “Yeah…”(Oh no, his voice sounds weird, like, I don’t know, but it is.)

“I don’t know what to say,” said I, “we’ve pretty much said everything through the emails.”

Alex and I talked for a while, basically expanding on what was discussed online. After a few minutes my anxiety started to ease. His voice still sounded weird, but I forgot about that eventually.

Actually, my impression of him remained throughout the conversation. OK, still feeling good about it. So, what happens next after this conversation is over?

It seemed as if he was reading my mind when the next dreaded question was uttered.

“Would you like to finally meet?”



I’m on my way to the coffee shop and there’s some traffic on the road. I’m not all sure if I’m heading the right way and my anxiety is again increasing by the minute.

What if I end where I’m not supposed to go? Even worse, I still don’t have Brian’s number, meaning that if I screw this, I will have to go back to the station (if I have the courage) or just forget the whole thing altogether.

I find the mall and pull in into the parking lot looking for the coffee shop.
‘Yes, found it!’ I said to myself with a sigh of relief after seeing the shop’s sign.

I parked on the first available spot I found and quickly got out of the car.

I’m walking equally as fast (almost running) when, all of a sudden, my walk just slowed down in speed.

It was as if someone had put a hand on my shoulder and held me back.

“ ‘Suave’ Emma!!” (not so fast Emma!).

Oh yes, who else besides my inner voice, but Madelyn, has the ability to have its presence in my mind?

I looked down and started laughing. ‘OK Maddy, don’t push it! Emma the Adventurer is back and here to stay.’

I then looked forward and, with a big smile on my face, continued walking at a normal pace, totally in control and confident in myself.

I walked into the shop and the first person I see is Brian.

Yep, just like in a scene from a sitcom or a movie, after about three weeks, endless hours and don’t know how many minutes, the moment I had been dreaming of, the one that has kept me up for endless hours at night, has finally come true.

Ooooh, how romantic! (‘And the winner is…’)



et cetera