The New M.E. Generation











Just when I thought I had it all figured out with the beach guy, even of going as far as accepting his friend request once again on social media, he comes back to prove me wrong.

Case in point: I was checking my feed on a Sunday afternoon, when I come across a notification that such person had changed its profile picture.

It was a selfie he took using one hand while looking at the phone, while the other is placed in a woman’s forehead, specifically the one with the ultra-bleached hair I made a mention before. Their heads are touching together. She’s smiling and her eyes are closed. The caption reads: “Your head hurts?”

I was disappointed, but more calm than normally would, because I finally find out the real reason why he doesn’t want me going there. So him being entirely single is not as true as he said he was.

As I’m seeing it, he was keeping me ‘on the side’ because of the distance. I was a like a second option in case this chick, or anyone else there, didn’t work out. That’s why he kept the conversation and ‘pretty’ comments going so he wouldn’t lose me.

Perhaps he wanted to ‘go bi-coastal’ and be with 2 people at once. Like the saying goes: “The left hand doesn’t know what the right hand is doing.” Think about it. He could have pulled that off had it played it well. But him posting the photo was his downfall.

Me: “So who’s the blonde in your profile picture?”

Him: “Ah, she’s a girl that I just started hanging out with. Likely will turn into a GF. I’ve known her for a long time. And we hung out before.” (This is how one of those ‘gotcha’ moments look like when the person can’t get their story straight. And don’t try to downgrade the situation. You knew her before; said it yourself. She’s been floating in your gravity for a while.)

“She’s a lot of fun.” (Oouu! Did you notice the detail in this sentence? He said ‘fun’. That’s the exact thing the Cuban lady warned me about men during the cards reading [see ‘The Reading’ chapters under The Ex-Friend story]. She basically said guys don’t want any commitments with you, but for anything else, including going out and have good times, they’re in.

Analyzing this further, if this is the only positive thing he can say about her, “Run, Forrest, Run”.)

Me: “That’s why you don’t want me visiting you.”

Him: “Well that’s not the reason, although if she and I are exclusive, I’m sure she wouldn’t like that.”

Me: “And me saying I wanted to see you.”

Him: “OMG. You and I go back a long time. But you live so far, which makes a relationship hard. And I will never lie to you.”

Me: “Sounds like you did.”

Him: “Seriously?”

Me: “I asked you before if you were seeing anyone. How do you think I felt when I saw your photo? Whatever, I made a fool of myself.”

Him: “I wasn’t. You didn’t make a fool of yourself.”

Yes, I did that because, once again, I put my emotions out in the open, and thought maybe there was a possibility of something happening between us.

Reality is, he was clear in his position and I interpreted it differently. That’s what happens when we allow the past to influence us into thinking one can rewrite history and get the romantic ending you were hoping for.

Me (about 2 days later): “The fact that you reappeared after some years left me restless. From my part I always felt there was something that remained unfinished between us. But now I know it’s not. Regardless the reasons you have for us not seeing each other only shows there’s not enough interest. I’m not upset. I have learned things don’t always result like one wants. We may have a long history, but I’m the one who needs to move on and close chapter with you, which you always did.”

In other words, hadn’t I pursued him again, none of this would have happened.

Incredibly, he didn’t reply back. I also unfriended him. Copy that. Talking about ‘being on delay’ as he once said.

I sent another text sometime later to complete answering his last remarks.

Me: “I made a fool of myself because I thought you had some feelings for me. And forget the distance excuse. If you were interested in me, you would go the extra mile to make it happen. That’s how it goes.”

Still waiting.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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{August 15, 2016}   The Ex-Friend 48 – Thank God!

My vacation continued without a hitch, that is until my bestie, a former high school classmate of mine (that’s friend of my friend and also lives there), and I received a weird friend request through social media.

The woman in the picture looked underage, with short shorts and shirt in a pose that made her look like those photos prostitutes use to post their ads on Craigslist. The city listed was our hometown.

Bitch, really??? How more obvious can you be? All three of us get the same fake profile, at the exact same time, and you’re so stupid to include the city that my bestie and I are from? You know this information because this guy told you. And, once again, you reaffirmed that you have nothing better to do than spying on our lives 24/7.

You may have said that my bestie doesn’t leave this guy alone, but you clearly are doing the same with us. If you were really sure of ‘your man’ and whatever thing you think you two have, why all this drama? Why are you so obsessed about knowing anything and everything about us?

Why are all those couple photos in your profile? Why do you need to continuously post them (especially old ones) where you are embracing this guy like an octopus does when it has captured its prey (as in ‘this is mine, mine, mine’) to try to make everyone believe that you’ve got the biggest catch of the sea?

Because not everything that glitters its gold. Because when you’re constantly an attention whore and need to get validation from others, there’s a crack somewhere that’s slowly chipping away the surface and revealing the true nature of what’s happening: your relationship (or lack of thereof) is not picture perfect.

My bestie quickly took a screen shot and forwarded it to this guy with a lengthy message that conveyed this bitch has no business sticking her nose on our affairs, that our friendship is our problem, that she has no right insulting us, that he’s been an ass for allowing her to do whatever she wants and not doing anything about it, etc.

As usual, ‘se lo pasó por donde el sol no le brilla’ (he let it pass by where the sun doesn’t shine on him). But my bestie, being the ultra smart woman that she is, documents and saves everything, so if indeed one day this guy decides to show his sorry fat ass and tries to build a whole case against her (and most probably to me as well), my bestie will shut him down even before he starts his opening arguments.

“I will tell you this again: that bitch will never let go of that guy. If you and I hadn’t been part of his life, this story would have probably ended by now. In her mind she won and posts all that garbage on her profile to get back at us. It’s her way of reminding everyone that in the end she’s the one who got the man, that she’s supposedly better than us for achieving that,” said I to my bestie.

“She may say that she forgave him, but she doesn’t trust him,” continued I. “He dumped her once and was playing both of us at the same time (even her), and can do it again. That is, the part of leaving her. And she knows it.

If she dumps him, it means she lost to you and me. It’s open season from there on for either one of us, or both, to get back into the game again. Except I’m not interested.

And her displaying him like a trophy, that’s typical mentality of people like her who are low-class. They think they hit the lottery jackpot by ‘winning’ a guy who is more than her: educated, with a better upbringing, better job. Because she basically grew up with nothing and has nothing else going on for her (and is not making the effort to change that), or ‘owns’ anything, than this guy, they take their ‘property’ very seriously. It’s normal for them to ‘defend’ what’s ‘theirs’ in every way possible.

She thinks she improved her social status, that she’s a success because she made it better than her friends and family. Unfortunately, what has happened here is that when you get involved with someone whose social class is below yours, you end up becoming the same trailer park trash as they are,” continued I.

“Had he stayed with me, none of this would have happened,” said my bestie. “But, that’s what he chose. And everything he has done will end up biting him back.”

“Mark my words, he’s going to die alone,” said I. “Better yet, let that bitch stay with him through his golden years when he can’t work any more, becomes an ever crazier fanatical guy, when his mom is gone, when he gets sick, when all the things that he thought were important are no longer there.

She will be next to him still doing the same show, controlling him, and spying on us on social media like a psycho. She will never stop hating or letting us go. I’m fine with that. She will end up as deranged as him.

That you and I remain friends? Only time will tell. But we’ll definitely have a life way better than theirs. God took this guy away from us because we deserve good, and he knew this person would hold us back to reaching our happiness. That, my friend, is a blessing and we should always be grateful for that,” concluded I.

Thank you!

 

 

 

 



Things were off to a good start with this guy, or so it seemed. He kept quiet to himself after he started working as, ‘I have to make up for the lost money. Trying to work as many hours as I can, even weekends if that happens.’

It also seemed the living arrangements were working out as well. After the ‘people issues’ he had with co-workers in the Pacific, I was wondering if he would achieve of staying at the guy’s residence without incidents until he had enough money to move out to a place of his own.

One thing that didn’t change was his visits to church. Don’t get me wrong, but he was again isolating himself from the rest of the world, only associating himself with people that shared his mentality and way of being.

What also bothered me about his fanaticism was that if we spoke, he would be more interested in knowing that I had gone to church than me telling him about a guy I met. Even if I felt alone going to church by myself, or that perhaps mass wasn’t really working for me, all he cared was that I went, not how practicing my faith was making me feel or having an impact in my life.

Because of this I also started keeping personal matters to myself, so as not to get judged (or preached) by him as to what I had to do. So instead I concentrated on talking about trivial things like, “hey, I got a friend invitation from a guy from your high school class. I think you two were good friends back then? I don’t understand why he, or other guys, that I didn’t have anything with, send me this. I mean, he appears on the photo with a woman and children, so it makes me question what he wants from me,” said I.

“That guy you’re mentioning, yes, we were friends for some time, but I eventually distanced from him because he was doing certain things I wasn’t confortable with. But that doesn’t mean he hasn’t changed. And it seems he’s doing well from the photo you’re describing. Why he wants to ‘friend’ you is confusing to me too, but I would just ignore it.

I get invitations all the time as well. Some of those I delete instantly and others I keep, think it over, and then decide what to do, like with this girl…,” said he.

I don’t recall asking him anything about this particular female, but what I understood from him was that this was someone from way back who ‘he hadn’t heard about in years,’ that ‘he didn’t know how she managed to find him online, but she did,’ and that ‘I don’t know why she has reappeared at this point in my life.’ He spoke the last part with a tone that he was really analyzing if he should speak or not to her, handling the situation like it was a very delicate matter.

From what I remember him for, if it was someone that had hurt him badly in the past, he wasn’t very open in giving people second chances. It was more of, ‘you mess up with me, you mess it up with me for good’. That he would listen to what others had to say, maybe; it all depended on the severity of the incident and how things ended between both parts.

It wasn’t necessarily about forgiveness, even though that’s what Christianity teaches (to which he applied to his convenience), it was more of resolving whatever was left pending and each one going their separate ways again.

The way he expressed himself made it look like that, whatever happened, it was still much alive within him and not at all forgotten; that ‘I’m not allowing it to happen again,’ or perhaps that ‘so now you’re back, after all you did? really? what do you take me for?’

He made it sound that he had received the invite a while back and was letting it ‘marinate’, as in doing it on purpose to make the other person ‘sweat’, or make her feel she was in some sort of limbo for not getting a ‘yes or no’ response. Now looking back it seems more this guy wanted to punish this person from afar.

What’s puzzling is that he has been extremely open about the bitchy ex and relationship, but kept anything related to this mystery woman sealed like it was a ‘top secret’ matter, while I was added to the mixture when he has told me that ‘you and I could make a good team if we were together’. He had even invited me to go visit him in the past. Sounds like a bad case of ‘musical chairs’ where you switch people around for your own benefit, without all participants knowing about it.

Yep, that’s how naive I was for believing him, or other guys, on whatever they said. This guy may not be into second chances, but I did, far too much, which was an invitation over and over to getting burned, lied, used, and unappreciated.

Reality is, sometimes we don’t need to visit the past, especially with us women. I’ve learned that the facts are right there in front of us; it’s just that we don’t want to see them.

If someone comes back, it’s fine to listen to what they have to say. Maybe they have indeed changed for the better. But, please, just do that: listen, you talk, give closure, move on.

You can also change as a person, but you can never change what happened or the hurt that came with it. Do with the guys the same as with the invites: ‘delete’ them. Forgive yourself, give the second chances to you only, and stop playing games with your feelings. That’s it; end of story.

 



This is what basically has been happening. Every so often I write him an email when I get reminded of him because I hear his first name.

The subject line always reads like, ‘Can I get you off my mind?’ or ‘You became present again’.

The content of the mail describes the incident of how I remembered him, that all I want is to really forget him, and don’t understand why the universe is playing games with me on this.

He sometimes replies that he’s sort of a force that refuses to go away from my life and it‘s interesting how his presence is remembered.

He always mentions that he’s my friend and he hopes our friendship continues, and that life will gift me with a worthy relationship.

Other times he doesn’t reply at all. Maybe it’s an overkill that I write about the same thing every time. Most probably is that he’s telling me nicely that we need to move on.

If you look at the replies closely, he never talks about us. It’s about me thinking about him, and he finding an explanation of why they occur.

He replies because he has to, especially to back-up his friendship argument. But it’s clear I’ve been stretching this situation for far too long.

The same goes for his social media profile. I was devastated when he closed it. I thought it all had to do with me.

It was months later when he reactivated it. I felt as if I had reconnected with him. But then, instead of me ‘staying away’, I continued writing posts in his profile.

I recently got a request from his daughter. I got nervous because I felt exposed as if the world knew who I was.

I told him about it, and his wife and daughter were questioning him who I was. He told them that I was and old college girlfriend.

Regardless of what the truth is or not, I created a huge problem for him and it’s not going away unless a change is made.

So what did I do? Of course I declined the request and stood back for a while. But as soon as I go online and read his posts, I get the impulse of writing something.

Sadly, all that I’m doing is looking for some acknowledgement from him that he still thinks about me.

I’m surprised he hasn’t cut me off all together. Whatever the reason for him doing that, both the universe and him are sending out this message from afar of what I should do.

And if I’m always reaching out to the outer limits for guidance and advice, why am I ignoring the huge, visible crater that’s in front of me?



et cetera